A Confession

I have been having a good time.

Hi,

I have a confession to make — I have been on holiday.

I don’t really do holidays. They fill me with guilt. I need to be making something, or trying to make something. It’s all tied in with my sense of self worth, but we’ll get to that another day.

I’ve been in Sydney and Melbourne on holiday — mostly. Now that I think about it, I’ve still been working, a little. We did a few Webworm events (hello again to those Worms I met, you were plentiful and delightful), I recorded some Australian Flightless Bird episodes, and I’ve been dealing with some legal issues around a Webworm piece I’d planned to send out whilst on holiday, but has now been delayed a little (more lawyering needed).

As a paying Webworm member, thank you for allowing me to get certain pieces in front of a lawyer in the first place, which helps stop me from being sued into oblivion.

But I’ve mostly been on holiday, which explains this DM I got from someone I never replied to, but found funny so took a screenshot:

I am a fan of The Cult, and it just so happens that right now they’re at the top of their game. I was lucky enough to spend some time with them on their Australian tour, which is how I got this photo of frontman Ian Astbury throwing his tambourine (top right, blurry, in-flight) out across a sweaty Sydney crowd.

Ian Astbury throws a tambourine.

And here Ian is joined on stage by his wife Aimee Nash, also an accomplished musician (please listen to her track “Don’t Look At Me” with the Brian Jonestown Massacre):

Ian Astbury and Aimee Nash share the stage.

I guess my point is, I’ve had a blast for a multitude of reasons that have me feeling really happy right now. And after my last newsletter,“No Matter What I Do, Everything I Do Is Bad”, that’s probably a good thing.

In saying that, that piece wasn’t as nihilistic as it might have seemed. It was just me reckoning with the position I find myself in — what we all find ourselves in, in various ways — and striving to do better. It was hopeful, in a weird way.

And as I wrap up my holiday, I wanted to share a few of your comments under that piece about living an ethical life.

I think they’re worth repeating.

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P:

“I’m a psychologist and I think about this a lot with my clients. So many of us have a tendency to be black-and-white in the way we evaluate our worth or morality: I’m doing good things or I’m doing bad things; I’m making a difference or I’m a waste of space; I change the world or throw myself in the ocean.

For me one of the core problems with this is that life causes damage. Lions eat gazelles, and sure, it’s all part of a broadly carbon-neutral cycle, but there is suffering there. In our relationships we often hurt people. If I live in a house I’m contributing to environmental destruction. If I use a phone I’m exploiting workers in developing nations. Every time we turn the key in the ignition we’re harming the planet and the other people that live on it. From the moment we’re born we’re consuming, and our capitalist systems only amplify that consumption and the harm it causes.

For me, the answer isn’t in finding a way to be a good person, or to not cause any harm, because that’s a losing proposition. We can only try to be consistent with our values, to bring that consistency as much of the time as possible, and to be honest with ourselves about our trajectory. There are always going to be conflicts, such as accepting the pernicious influence of marketing in order to continue a valuable and informative podcast, and we can only do our best to find the balance that allows us to feel that we are as close as possible to being the person we feel that we should be.

For me, I’m trying to think less about being a “good” person, and more about being a more good person than I am a bad one. That’s life.”

J:

“Not to be too dramatic here David, but I have terminal cancer (apologies, that always drops like a lead balloon!). It's had a tendency, for me anyway, to sharpen my focus about what things are important and what I can let go of worrying about. And while I've angsted in one way or another about decisions my whole life, what it's come down to for me is living gently and with joy. I pick the slowest, kindest and most personal approach I possibly can each time I have to choose. I still eat meat from supermarkets in plastic trays, but I get stuff from local markets whenever I can. Each decision is tiny, and yet cumulative. From where I'm sitting, you're doing an amazing job at the ethical thing - and you have to ask whether it actually helps anyone to agonise over things. I don't watch the news because my grief doesn't help. But I sign petitions, and I went on part of the Hīkoi. Small choices. Arohanui ki a koe e hoa.”

Jay:

“I struggle with this. There is no ethical consumption under capitalism, and working in health care, particularly maternity care, is an epic battle of ethical standpoints. I just try to do my best, try not to destroy the planet too much, and cringe every time I open a disposable suturing set.

I sometimes wonder how I sleep at night, and the answer is, with the help of melatonin and forgetting the difficulties of my ethical life. Because every damn day there's another thing that I should pay attention to, another waste of resources, another destruction of life, and I can't keep up.

It does help to remind myself that no matter what I do, my contribution to the messed up status of the world is incomparable to malignant multinational conglomerates and giant national entities.

I cannot affect the world the way they do, but also, I cannot save the world from them. I can only do my little bit, in my little corner of the world, one muka tie at a time.”

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Fuck I love you all. A lot.

For anyone in Auckland, New Zealand this week — Jess Johnson and I are having a Webworm picnic on Wednesday December 11, 3pm — 6pm, in Albert Park by the bandstand.

We’ll have some Webworm merch with us from the online store. Bring some snacks and a drink and come hang if you like.

And in case you missed it, the latest Flightless Bird episode is based on Webworm’s “Mysterious Sound” piece from a few months ago. You can listen to it wherever you get your podcasts —

Or we’re on YouTube now, too. I feel really happy with how we illustrate these audio documentaries:

I’ll leave you with a few other photos from my holiday — thanks for letting me take a breather.

Talk soon,

David.

I know they’re considered the pigeons of Australia but I fucking love cockatoos.

Tourist hotspot Icebergs at Bondi Beach, Sydney.

The Webworm popup at the Nova cinema in Melbourne!

Fish and chips, some oysters, way too much sashimi. Heaven.

Three very good boys in Belgrave, a town in Victoria.