“We urge those who have shared Vanessa’s story to focus on the real issue: that a 17-year-old died of starvation in the care of the state.”
What they, of course, fail to mention is that a 17 year old died in the care of the state because his parents were transphobic and abusive and he had to run away to try and save his own sanity. If they had accepted him for who he was, then he very likely wouldn't have had to leave. My heart breaks for Alex and everything he went through. Thank you, David, for continuing to push back against the voices that seek to use and invalidate him, and for giving him the voice and respect he deserves. The voice and respect he *should* have got from his parents.
I’ve started university at 42 because I don’t understand people… RNZ just confirmed my need, they should know better or is it for the controversy? If it is, shame on them! May Alex be at peace now, my heart breaks for him. I’m trying to have better discernment but I like listening to history podcasts and I thought RNZ would be a safe bet.. now I don’t trust them to tell the truth. I don’t understand how an organisation that in one hand is trying to educate the population, correct Aotearoa’s one sided, historical colonial misinformation and in the other hand is perpetuating harmful anti-trans rhetoric, undermining its own credibility and failing the very communities it should be standing up for. Thank you David for being a voice, especially considering the harm it causes you personally, most people wouldn’t be able to deal with that which shows your true character in my opinion. Oh and that one comment about not being able to be reflective, is that irony? I’m not good with English (and it’s my first language 🫣) That person needs to learn about reflexivity instead…
Well done to you and Angel telling Alex's story. It's heartbreaking for so many reasons, and the anti trans grifters who have taken advantage of a family's pain and confusion (and probably unacknowledged guilt) are beyond words. Glad you're safe.
Thanks, Emma. I lived on forums as a teen and I can very much see how Alex made a home there towards the end. Glad his voice got heard in all this mess.
There's something so viscerally disturbing about TERFs, beyond just the hatred and the bigotry. Maybe it's the way transphobia seems to radicalize people who might otherwise be tolerant or progressive. It's like watching someone get sucked into a cult. The way it warps and twists people is a bit terrifying.
Glad you had no issues getting back David, and good luck on your shows. I won't be able to make it, as I share Rob's fear of flying (even going to an airport makes me nervous).
Yeah - you're right on all this. It does seem to be this thing that radicalizes you so, so quickly. Reminds me a lot of people going down the QAnon rabbit hole. Suddenly that's all their social media is. I'd even understand it if they had other obsessions - but being a TERF becomes their entire personality, almost.
"It feels like seconds ago that much of this army of angry tweeters was posting about an imminent wave of vaccine-induced mass death, and it’s pretty strange they’re now mainly preoccupied with making sure all the doodles and vaginas are in their preferred locations ahead of the apocalypse."
People have spoken more eloquently than I can about Alex’s parents. It literally makes me queasy to think about hating your own child so much that they need to move away. Joining up with the anti-trans group means they’ll never have to examine their own role in Alex’s tragedy.
Also, find it very funny that you’ll be in Denver in July. I was there for years, and now I’m in NZ. One day live show! One day!
What did you do in Denver? Red Rocks is pretty much the most beautiful venue I have ever been to! Looking forward to going back. I also miss New Zealand a lot rn and hope you're having an okay time there.
Just from there originally. Red Rocks is absolutely the best venue! I encourage everyone who visits to check it out and see a show if they can.
NZ hates me. =D Been sick with one thing or another since I arrived, but I’ve loved it so far. Wish I could have more time to explore, but I’ll get out there soon.
My little ridiculous life has been in hell of a turmoil lately, but I want to say these couple of things.
Glad you're safe from your travels. Also would come to a live show if it wasn't completely impossible. Maybe in next life.
I found my first home on the internet on a forum for people with eating disorders. It's gone know, but it was very important for my identity forming, and it was for healing more than anything like pushing people more towards the illness. But you could be yourself there and that was the most important thing of all. I discovered my foundation for the years of writings I later published about psychological trauma there. I didn't understand what was happening to me and what had happened before that led to that situation, before the forum. Those people held my life in their hands. There are people in my life (or have been later if mostly gone now) that wouldn't know anything about me from that perspective. They would definitely and completely tell a wrong narrative about me. (Not many know about my gender issues at all, because I'm not even trans.) I was in a dissociative frozen state before reading Alex's story, just pure cold rage if anything at all, emotionally. It broke me, but crying my eyes out was better, even though painful at that moment. It's just so fucking wrong that he's gone and his own narrative of his own life is being changed by others. And I do understand I only know my own story to understand any of this, but it all went through me like a tsunami. So a belated thank you for all that.
I'm so exhausted right now I have no idea if I wrote anything right or wrong or whatever. I just had to.
Sanelma - I am so glad you found the time, amongst your own shit, to post this.
Invaluable.
It means a lot to me - and it will to others reading this, too. On some levels I am sorry for putting you through it with this, but as you say - ultimately, I hope, a release after that rage.
No reason whatsoever to be sorry. To me, being emotionally frozen is one of the worst states to be in, even though it is a mind's survival mechanism. Because of too much of that personal shit and then on top of that all the horrors on the global scale. I usually cry a lot and laugh a lot and everything in between, always a lot.
For as long as I can remember, I've been searching for voices that say out aloud "yes, something wrong really did happen". I have been silenced in so many ways in my life, it's everything to me. At one point, I was that voice myself. At the moment I'm still trying to figure out a new way to do that, to not be hiding. I guess I'm using my training wheels again.
This place is precious. That means both you David and all the other writers, and the comments from other people. It was the comments section that made me slide down from the couch to the floor clutching a pillow and bawling my eyes out. And yes, it was better in the long run.
(P.S. Cold rage is not just a bad place to be in, personally. I may have been overly tired last night when I posted my comment, which is why there's some weird language maybe and I found at least one typo I now corrected, but I especially meant that - the state of mind where a person doesn't really feel anything but could do something really bad. Bullied people often have this, and we all know what some bullied people do when it gets really bad. I've never directed that destructive force to anyone but myself though. Just wanted to clarify. Anger is not a bad thing in itself, a lesson I've learned as an adult.)
Wow Sanelma. Thank you for sharing. I agree. Crying and emotions are rocky and painful and real but so beautiful and cathartic too. Stunted and blunted no emotion is the worst. For me lack of empathy with the stunted emotion was the hardest to reconcile with who I am. Mine from depressions in the past. Yuck. Makes feeling feelings special and grateful for the full gamut we can have of them. Big hugs to you as it sounds like you’re on a hell of a rollercoaster ride. It’ll even out. Promise. It always does.
Oh dear. I really did paint myself into a corner with this one. First, thank you for your lovely reply. I appreciate everything you wrote, and your compassion, even though now I'm in a place where I have to do one of two things - to explain myself a little bit more (tell the truth) or be polite and just say thanks (leave out a big chunk of the truth). I usually don't write like this to public posts, but the reason why I did do that in the first place, is also the reason why this got complicated. I choose the latter option, but I don't expect everybody to understand. And this is gonna be looooong.
For me, this is normal. It will not go away. Except if I get dementia and turn into a drooling zombie, or as everything does end to everybody when we eventually die. First, when I said my life has been in turmoil, I meant things like physical health issues (I'm a chronic) combined with weird stuff in my apartment (I realised I've been ill since last September because of environmental reasons, and not because of the cold/flu/whatever I had then, and which I thought just didn't go away. On top of this, I have this serious financial battle I've been fighting for years now, over the factual reality that I'm unable to work. I cannot get disability pension no matter what, and these things combined together (with healthcare system that's completely broken at this point, unless one has money to go to the private sector) makes me a person with multiple dead ends staring right at me and I don't know what to do because nobody gives a shit about the apartment stuff either.
So, "life stuff", you know. And then some nuclear war fears and little things like that, as a bonus.
But. I'm not somebody who will change into a calm person whose emotions won't "overflow". If I did, I wouldn't be me. (My ex wanted me to change into another type of human being and I'm done with that now.) I am not saying this only to choose to be completely open about myself, but because it was pointed out to me that other people might appreciate certain things said out loud, which then brought me to this point. Thinking about the time when I myself was "the voice I'd been waiting for" - writing about psychological trauma, because it was not a thing you could easily find information about, in the early 2010s or so. At least not here where I'm at. Now it seems everybody's got trauma, and it seems to me really weird. 15 years is a really short time, and then again not.
So, here's the deal. I'm not just neurodivergent with serious C-PTSD. I have a dissociative disorder, and "me" is actually kind of "we".
And even if I (the bunch of weirdos living in my head) wasn't like this, I'd prefer to have been that "overly" sensitive child and have been taken care of and validated and not silenced when I needed an adult to help me get through bad stuff. What I lacked was a basic sense of security, a floor to stand on, so to speak. I'm still trying to find that. But while everything's difficult, I still cry and I laugh and I crash and burn and then rise again and dance like a maniac and talk so much people don't know what to do with me, and then I can sit home alone in silence for days without anybody knowing anything about my doings. Even I don't always know what I've been doing, although it's usually more just hazy, not complete blackouts. And no, I don't have actual different names for my alters, they are (and this is *very, very important*) most often of different ages, and still me. The entertainment industry has completely warped the idea of a split personality. People who know me can't even see it. And I'm absolutely not a serial killer with superpowers to climb up the walls and ceilings (ffs).
I'm not bipolar. I'm not borderline. I'm not ever really manic, or have never ever been psychotic. I've had a physical illness (that makes me unable to work now) since I was born but got diagnosed only when I was around 40, as well as all the nd stuff was. And then, DID. Yes. I'm out of that closet now.
The most laughable fact in my life is that I'm diagnosed a totally insane person (in theory) which I'm not really, but I cannot get disability even though I am very much completely unable to do anything but keep myself alive pretty much. Because of more than one dx that I got in my genes and which make me physically disabled. But NO - because nothing's wrong, right?
(I think I just got rid of my training wheels.)
((But all you lovely people, do forgive me if my English is wonky at times because it is my second language, and I also mess up just as much with my native one at times, when too much is happening in my head when I write.))
Wow Sanelma. Thanks for sharing honestly that helps. With a friend who has just been diagnosed with SPD I’m still learning a lot about it and this helps. As I often say everyone has their life curveballs and versions of shit sandwiches so trying our best not to be a dick to others seems the be the simplest mantra for harmonious societal living. No one ever knows how much that cranky little duck is ferociously paddling under the surface to keep her beak above the water.
Take care of yourself. For the record you are totally ok just to say thanks too. I also have that dilemma often, when people ask about more kids or brain etc. sometimes thanks and fine is ok. But also sometimes the big offload is also good and helps others especially in epic safe spaces like David’s worm farm 🐛 (yes using a caterpillar as I can’t get passed the fact the worm emoji looks way too much like a tape worm for comfort..) those are weird sentence to write 😂
Big Aroha from early in Nz. Time to get up and get coffee!
Thank you. I feel like you're a very good person to tell crazy stuff to, so this was best for me then. I love your caterpillar 🫶 and I completely agree with this being the safe space for things like this to be brought up. Have a nice cup of coffee, while I will make myself very late dinner before it's midnight here in Finland. 💜
The response from RNZ was so yuck! Just the fact that they continued to misgender Alex throughout the letter shows that they literally do not care. I feel so disappointed as RNZ always felt more trustworthy than Stuff or NZHerald.
They have some deep seated issues with trans stuff. I think it's good to know they are hearing from the public - who they answer to, in many ways - and internally there will be some shit going down. That's good.
It stuns me how slow the world is at changing. I searched for my complaint to the Broadcasting Standards Authority (BSA) and re-read it. All I can say is holy f**k the rage is real. My complaint was when the RNZ journalist Kim Hill dead-named the trans performance poet Kae Tempest and kept doing it. First complained to rnz and got that same twat David got, he must be rotting in his seat by now.
That generic reply infuriated me! That they can hear from so many people and still be like our use of the dead name is justified is ridiculous. And it is concerning how they don't think the article is harmful to trans humans and portrays accurate facts!
And that they say they didn't have the information from Angel is also stupid.
I sometimes forget how much an online forum helped me but now you mentioned it, a ton came flooding back. I didn’t figure out my queerness until later in life (31) right before I got sober and I had just moved back to Florida from years of being in Los Angeles and NYC. I was broke and broken and no one in my physical life could be trusted with the feelings and questions I had, so this forum might have saved my life. Even on the forum there was occasional bullying of sorts (back then at least) but to even access and comment there was a ton of approvals required and if anyone sounded down we took turns staying “with” each other to talk things out until the person seemed okay. So of course whatever is posted there is the real truth of a person and so glad you suffer the path to get his story (and others) out, David.
Oh, Jessica - you get it. The first openly gay person I met was due to the goth forum I mention in the piece I linked to.
My world opened up - into music, film and TV. And other people. And views.
I would not be who I am today (good and bad) without forums.
I don't wanna get too on my high horse, but Webworm reminds me a little of that culture. There is a politeness here, smarts, differing of opinions but always stated politely.
I see Webworm that way, too. It seems to me that most of your pieces are about giving much-needed factual information and also looking out for people and communities. And the team of commenters here might debate, but like you said it is with respect and supportive intention… just like the forums.
For those wishing for better news sources in AoNZ, I highly recommend supporting The Spinoff. They published two stories themselves in opposition to Hill's reporting. They do a good job, and they really need help to keep doing it.
Also, some books that I've been reminded off by this story. (Please check content warnings on these as they're all pretty heavy and at times gory/gruesome. I'm sorry, it's what I seem to gravitate towards!)
Tell Me I'm Worthless by Alison Rumfitt is particularly about the very nasty, pernicious type of transphobia and fascism that infects the UK. It's a haunted house story, but the house is great britain. (Please check CWs for this one, it's a tough read)
Compound Fracture by Andrew Joseph White. Technically Young Adult, but very dark young adult. Miles is a young trans boy in rural Appallachia, facing classism and transphobia in an isolated community. I love AJW and all his novels, but Miles has a special place in my heart.
And on more of the general American insanity...
The Trees by Percival Everett. It was shortlisted for the Booker Prize, as was his latest, James. Either of them should've won. Both should've won! Both are a masterclass in modern American writing. The Trees is a modern satire with a dry and biting wit. It was published in 2021 and honestly no one can convince me that Everett didn't have some kind of vision of the future. I particularly enjoyed the audiobook. James, which is the tale of Huckleberry Finn from the enslaved man Jim's perspective, is also incredible and well worth a read.
I’m glad you got back to the States safely and easily. Personally I think you were mad to go back at all, but I know you’ve got your reasons. Looking forward to seeing what else you’ll be putting out from the crazy place once known as the USA!
Is there any way we can band together to collectively show RNZ how bad this is?? I've been an avid listener for years but lost faith in their news production since pro-Russia propaganda was edited in to articles and their unwillingness to use the word "genocide". I've kept listening to some of the shows at times (mostly Mediawatch and the Freaky Friday segment lol) but might have to stop. Does anyone know how closely their news and radio parts are linked?
Good question. It's interesting. I think that, in a way, Ruth Hill's reporting possibly didn't break any of the principles. (1) possibly, but I can see there is a way it didn't. I can see why a defensive RNZ would go "No, we did nothing wrong here."
But - they got in and changed some pronouns and context. That indicates they know something was awry. They haven't fixed it - but they know something is up.
What RNZ broke was human decently. Kindness. Moral values.
That's what they are reckoning with.
Internally - amongst staff - there will be angst over this, believe me.
And so all the complaints RNZ got - they mean something.
I think not letting it go helps - it's why I've done 3 separate pieces here on it. And I hope people keep emailing them about it. And tagging them. This week, next week, next year.
Trans people are so vulnerable - some of the most vulnerable in our society right now - and we must do better.
I am also struggling with this Lydia! I switched to web RNZ from stuff after their owner was so blatantly anti Tory Whanau. I’ve loved listening to RNZ for a long time so I’m really disappointed in them, but there’s not many other places for news in NZ!
I've subscribed to The Spinoff, as they are definitely left leaning in their stance, and they need the help a lot. They published two pieces speaking against the RNZ story.
I've been informed that the radio part of RNZ is separate from the news making part. Except, I guess, when the radio part reads out news from the news making part. So I think I'll keep listening... but yeah, maybe no news sources are completely trustworthy? I hate to say it because it sounds like such a conspiracy line...
Poor old Rob. I "cured" a few people afraid of flying (mild sufferers), by taking them for a fly in a light plane; talking them through what's happening and how those things work. That might not work with a chronic though - no suggestions, just my experience. Experiencing aerobatics might help though! (just kidding).
“We urge those who have shared Vanessa’s story to focus on the real issue: that a 17-year-old died of starvation in the care of the state.”
What they, of course, fail to mention is that a 17 year old died in the care of the state because his parents were transphobic and abusive and he had to run away to try and save his own sanity. If they had accepted him for who he was, then he very likely wouldn't have had to leave. My heart breaks for Alex and everything he went through. Thank you, David, for continuing to push back against the voices that seek to use and invalidate him, and for giving him the voice and respect he deserves. The voice and respect he *should* have got from his parents.
I’ve started university at 42 because I don’t understand people… RNZ just confirmed my need, they should know better or is it for the controversy? If it is, shame on them! May Alex be at peace now, my heart breaks for him. I’m trying to have better discernment but I like listening to history podcasts and I thought RNZ would be a safe bet.. now I don’t trust them to tell the truth. I don’t understand how an organisation that in one hand is trying to educate the population, correct Aotearoa’s one sided, historical colonial misinformation and in the other hand is perpetuating harmful anti-trans rhetoric, undermining its own credibility and failing the very communities it should be standing up for. Thank you David for being a voice, especially considering the harm it causes you personally, most people wouldn’t be able to deal with that which shows your true character in my opinion. Oh and that one comment about not being able to be reflective, is that irony? I’m not good with English (and it’s my first language 🫣) That person needs to learn about reflexivity instead…
I'm feeling disillusioned with RNZ lately also
Well done to you and Angel telling Alex's story. It's heartbreaking for so many reasons, and the anti trans grifters who have taken advantage of a family's pain and confusion (and probably unacknowledged guilt) are beyond words. Glad you're safe.
Thanks, Emma. I lived on forums as a teen and I can very much see how Alex made a home there towards the end. Glad his voice got heard in all this mess.
There's something so viscerally disturbing about TERFs, beyond just the hatred and the bigotry. Maybe it's the way transphobia seems to radicalize people who might otherwise be tolerant or progressive. It's like watching someone get sucked into a cult. The way it warps and twists people is a bit terrifying.
Glad you had no issues getting back David, and good luck on your shows. I won't be able to make it, as I share Rob's fear of flying (even going to an airport makes me nervous).
Yeah - you're right on all this. It does seem to be this thing that radicalizes you so, so quickly. Reminds me a lot of people going down the QAnon rabbit hole. Suddenly that's all their social media is. I'd even understand it if they had other obsessions - but being a TERF becomes their entire personality, almost.
Also reminded of this old piece from Hayden: https://www.webworm.co/p/screaminghysterically
"It feels like seconds ago that much of this army of angry tweeters was posting about an imminent wave of vaccine-induced mass death, and it’s pretty strange they’re now mainly preoccupied with making sure all the doodles and vaginas are in their preferred locations ahead of the apocalypse."
People have spoken more eloquently than I can about Alex’s parents. It literally makes me queasy to think about hating your own child so much that they need to move away. Joining up with the anti-trans group means they’ll never have to examine their own role in Alex’s tragedy.
Also, find it very funny that you’ll be in Denver in July. I was there for years, and now I’m in NZ. One day live show! One day!
What did you do in Denver? Red Rocks is pretty much the most beautiful venue I have ever been to! Looking forward to going back. I also miss New Zealand a lot rn and hope you're having an okay time there.
Just from there originally. Red Rocks is absolutely the best venue! I encourage everyone who visits to check it out and see a show if they can.
NZ hates me. =D Been sick with one thing or another since I arrived, but I’ve loved it so far. Wish I could have more time to explore, but I’ll get out there soon.
Theres gonna be a great show at Red Rocks on the 5th, Vulfpeck, if you’re still in Denver for the weekend.
My little ridiculous life has been in hell of a turmoil lately, but I want to say these couple of things.
Glad you're safe from your travels. Also would come to a live show if it wasn't completely impossible. Maybe in next life.
I found my first home on the internet on a forum for people with eating disorders. It's gone know, but it was very important for my identity forming, and it was for healing more than anything like pushing people more towards the illness. But you could be yourself there and that was the most important thing of all. I discovered my foundation for the years of writings I later published about psychological trauma there. I didn't understand what was happening to me and what had happened before that led to that situation, before the forum. Those people held my life in their hands. There are people in my life (or have been later if mostly gone now) that wouldn't know anything about me from that perspective. They would definitely and completely tell a wrong narrative about me. (Not many know about my gender issues at all, because I'm not even trans.) I was in a dissociative frozen state before reading Alex's story, just pure cold rage if anything at all, emotionally. It broke me, but crying my eyes out was better, even though painful at that moment. It's just so fucking wrong that he's gone and his own narrative of his own life is being changed by others. And I do understand I only know my own story to understand any of this, but it all went through me like a tsunami. So a belated thank you for all that.
I'm so exhausted right now I have no idea if I wrote anything right or wrong or whatever. I just had to.
Sanelma - I am so glad you found the time, amongst your own shit, to post this.
Invaluable.
It means a lot to me - and it will to others reading this, too. On some levels I am sorry for putting you through it with this, but as you say - ultimately, I hope, a release after that rage.
Because we have to be angry.
Thank you for being here.
No reason whatsoever to be sorry. To me, being emotionally frozen is one of the worst states to be in, even though it is a mind's survival mechanism. Because of too much of that personal shit and then on top of that all the horrors on the global scale. I usually cry a lot and laugh a lot and everything in between, always a lot.
For as long as I can remember, I've been searching for voices that say out aloud "yes, something wrong really did happen". I have been silenced in so many ways in my life, it's everything to me. At one point, I was that voice myself. At the moment I'm still trying to figure out a new way to do that, to not be hiding. I guess I'm using my training wheels again.
This place is precious. That means both you David and all the other writers, and the comments from other people. It was the comments section that made me slide down from the couch to the floor clutching a pillow and bawling my eyes out. And yes, it was better in the long run.
(P.S. Cold rage is not just a bad place to be in, personally. I may have been overly tired last night when I posted my comment, which is why there's some weird language maybe and I found at least one typo I now corrected, but I especially meant that - the state of mind where a person doesn't really feel anything but could do something really bad. Bullied people often have this, and we all know what some bullied people do when it gets really bad. I've never directed that destructive force to anyone but myself though. Just wanted to clarify. Anger is not a bad thing in itself, a lesson I've learned as an adult.)
Wow Sanelma. Thank you for sharing. I agree. Crying and emotions are rocky and painful and real but so beautiful and cathartic too. Stunted and blunted no emotion is the worst. For me lack of empathy with the stunted emotion was the hardest to reconcile with who I am. Mine from depressions in the past. Yuck. Makes feeling feelings special and grateful for the full gamut we can have of them. Big hugs to you as it sounds like you’re on a hell of a rollercoaster ride. It’ll even out. Promise. It always does.
Oh dear. I really did paint myself into a corner with this one. First, thank you for your lovely reply. I appreciate everything you wrote, and your compassion, even though now I'm in a place where I have to do one of two things - to explain myself a little bit more (tell the truth) or be polite and just say thanks (leave out a big chunk of the truth). I usually don't write like this to public posts, but the reason why I did do that in the first place, is also the reason why this got complicated. I choose the latter option, but I don't expect everybody to understand. And this is gonna be looooong.
For me, this is normal. It will not go away. Except if I get dementia and turn into a drooling zombie, or as everything does end to everybody when we eventually die. First, when I said my life has been in turmoil, I meant things like physical health issues (I'm a chronic) combined with weird stuff in my apartment (I realised I've been ill since last September because of environmental reasons, and not because of the cold/flu/whatever I had then, and which I thought just didn't go away. On top of this, I have this serious financial battle I've been fighting for years now, over the factual reality that I'm unable to work. I cannot get disability pension no matter what, and these things combined together (with healthcare system that's completely broken at this point, unless one has money to go to the private sector) makes me a person with multiple dead ends staring right at me and I don't know what to do because nobody gives a shit about the apartment stuff either.
So, "life stuff", you know. And then some nuclear war fears and little things like that, as a bonus.
But. I'm not somebody who will change into a calm person whose emotions won't "overflow". If I did, I wouldn't be me. (My ex wanted me to change into another type of human being and I'm done with that now.) I am not saying this only to choose to be completely open about myself, but because it was pointed out to me that other people might appreciate certain things said out loud, which then brought me to this point. Thinking about the time when I myself was "the voice I'd been waiting for" - writing about psychological trauma, because it was not a thing you could easily find information about, in the early 2010s or so. At least not here where I'm at. Now it seems everybody's got trauma, and it seems to me really weird. 15 years is a really short time, and then again not.
So, here's the deal. I'm not just neurodivergent with serious C-PTSD. I have a dissociative disorder, and "me" is actually kind of "we".
And even if I (the bunch of weirdos living in my head) wasn't like this, I'd prefer to have been that "overly" sensitive child and have been taken care of and validated and not silenced when I needed an adult to help me get through bad stuff. What I lacked was a basic sense of security, a floor to stand on, so to speak. I'm still trying to find that. But while everything's difficult, I still cry and I laugh and I crash and burn and then rise again and dance like a maniac and talk so much people don't know what to do with me, and then I can sit home alone in silence for days without anybody knowing anything about my doings. Even I don't always know what I've been doing, although it's usually more just hazy, not complete blackouts. And no, I don't have actual different names for my alters, they are (and this is *very, very important*) most often of different ages, and still me. The entertainment industry has completely warped the idea of a split personality. People who know me can't even see it. And I'm absolutely not a serial killer with superpowers to climb up the walls and ceilings (ffs).
I'm not bipolar. I'm not borderline. I'm not ever really manic, or have never ever been psychotic. I've had a physical illness (that makes me unable to work now) since I was born but got diagnosed only when I was around 40, as well as all the nd stuff was. And then, DID. Yes. I'm out of that closet now.
The most laughable fact in my life is that I'm diagnosed a totally insane person (in theory) which I'm not really, but I cannot get disability even though I am very much completely unable to do anything but keep myself alive pretty much. Because of more than one dx that I got in my genes and which make me physically disabled. But NO - because nothing's wrong, right?
(I think I just got rid of my training wheels.)
((But all you lovely people, do forgive me if my English is wonky at times because it is my second language, and I also mess up just as much with my native one at times, when too much is happening in my head when I write.))
Wow Sanelma. Thanks for sharing honestly that helps. With a friend who has just been diagnosed with SPD I’m still learning a lot about it and this helps. As I often say everyone has their life curveballs and versions of shit sandwiches so trying our best not to be a dick to others seems the be the simplest mantra for harmonious societal living. No one ever knows how much that cranky little duck is ferociously paddling under the surface to keep her beak above the water.
Take care of yourself. For the record you are totally ok just to say thanks too. I also have that dilemma often, when people ask about more kids or brain etc. sometimes thanks and fine is ok. But also sometimes the big offload is also good and helps others especially in epic safe spaces like David’s worm farm 🐛 (yes using a caterpillar as I can’t get passed the fact the worm emoji looks way too much like a tape worm for comfort..) those are weird sentence to write 😂
Big Aroha from early in Nz. Time to get up and get coffee!
Thank you. I feel like you're a very good person to tell crazy stuff to, so this was best for me then. I love your caterpillar 🫶 and I completely agree with this being the safe space for things like this to be brought up. Have a nice cup of coffee, while I will make myself very late dinner before it's midnight here in Finland. 💜
Classic Farrier...
David Farrier: One Nasty Individual is gonna be the name of your biography
The response from RNZ was so yuck! Just the fact that they continued to misgender Alex throughout the letter shows that they literally do not care. I feel so disappointed as RNZ always felt more trustworthy than Stuff or NZHerald.
They have some deep seated issues with trans stuff. I think it's good to know they are hearing from the public - who they answer to, in many ways - and internally there will be some shit going down. That's good.
But yeah - that response *sucked*.
It stuns me how slow the world is at changing. I searched for my complaint to the Broadcasting Standards Authority (BSA) and re-read it. All I can say is holy f**k the rage is real. My complaint was when the RNZ journalist Kim Hill dead-named the trans performance poet Kae Tempest and kept doing it. First complained to rnz and got that same twat David got, he must be rotting in his seat by now.
https://www.bsa.govt.nz/decisions/all-decisions/jazmine-bell-and-radio-new-zealand-ltd-2023-016-30-may-2023/
That generic reply infuriated me! That they can hear from so many people and still be like our use of the dead name is justified is ridiculous. And it is concerning how they don't think the article is harmful to trans humans and portrays accurate facts!
And that they say they didn't have the information from Angel is also stupid.
Going on the number of people that forwarded that email on to me - it infuriated a lot people. You are not alone in that.
I sometimes forget how much an online forum helped me but now you mentioned it, a ton came flooding back. I didn’t figure out my queerness until later in life (31) right before I got sober and I had just moved back to Florida from years of being in Los Angeles and NYC. I was broke and broken and no one in my physical life could be trusted with the feelings and questions I had, so this forum might have saved my life. Even on the forum there was occasional bullying of sorts (back then at least) but to even access and comment there was a ton of approvals required and if anyone sounded down we took turns staying “with” each other to talk things out until the person seemed okay. So of course whatever is posted there is the real truth of a person and so glad you suffer the path to get his story (and others) out, David.
Oh, Jessica - you get it. The first openly gay person I met was due to the goth forum I mention in the piece I linked to.
My world opened up - into music, film and TV. And other people. And views.
I would not be who I am today (good and bad) without forums.
I don't wanna get too on my high horse, but Webworm reminds me a little of that culture. There is a politeness here, smarts, differing of opinions but always stated politely.
I see Webworm that way, too. It seems to me that most of your pieces are about giving much-needed factual information and also looking out for people and communities. And the team of commenters here might debate, but like you said it is with respect and supportive intention… just like the forums.
WOW scary as f... in USA. Its like an alternative universe. Thank you for keeping us updated with the real stories.
What I'm here for. Thanks for reading along, Wenz.
For those wishing for better news sources in AoNZ, I highly recommend supporting The Spinoff. They published two stories themselves in opposition to Hill's reporting. They do a good job, and they really need help to keep doing it.
Also, some books that I've been reminded off by this story. (Please check content warnings on these as they're all pretty heavy and at times gory/gruesome. I'm sorry, it's what I seem to gravitate towards!)
Tell Me I'm Worthless by Alison Rumfitt is particularly about the very nasty, pernicious type of transphobia and fascism that infects the UK. It's a haunted house story, but the house is great britain. (Please check CWs for this one, it's a tough read)
Compound Fracture by Andrew Joseph White. Technically Young Adult, but very dark young adult. Miles is a young trans boy in rural Appallachia, facing classism and transphobia in an isolated community. I love AJW and all his novels, but Miles has a special place in my heart.
And on more of the general American insanity...
The Trees by Percival Everett. It was shortlisted for the Booker Prize, as was his latest, James. Either of them should've won. Both should've won! Both are a masterclass in modern American writing. The Trees is a modern satire with a dry and biting wit. It was published in 2021 and honestly no one can convince me that Everett didn't have some kind of vision of the future. I particularly enjoyed the audiobook. James, which is the tale of Huckleberry Finn from the enslaved man Jim's perspective, is also incredible and well worth a read.
Those Spinoff pieces were excellent - I made sure I linked to them both in my first story on Alex.
Here they are again for anyone stumbling into these comments late:
1) https://thespinoff.co.nz/society/13-06-2025/stop-conflating-being-transgender-with-being-sick
2) https://thespinoff.co.nz/media/14-06-2025/the-weekend-dignity-in-death-shouldnt-be-so-hard
Thanks for the other resources, too.
I’m glad you got back to the States safely and easily. Personally I think you were mad to go back at all, but I know you’ve got your reasons. Looking forward to seeing what else you’ll be putting out from the crazy place once known as the USA!
Is there any way we can band together to collectively show RNZ how bad this is?? I've been an avid listener for years but lost faith in their news production since pro-Russia propaganda was edited in to articles and their unwillingness to use the word "genocide". I've kept listening to some of the shows at times (mostly Mediawatch and the Freaky Friday segment lol) but might have to stop. Does anyone know how closely their news and radio parts are linked?
Good question. It's interesting. I think that, in a way, Ruth Hill's reporting possibly didn't break any of the principles. (1) possibly, but I can see there is a way it didn't. I can see why a defensive RNZ would go "No, we did nothing wrong here."
But - they got in and changed some pronouns and context. That indicates they know something was awry. They haven't fixed it - but they know something is up.
What RNZ broke was human decently. Kindness. Moral values.
That's what they are reckoning with.
Internally - amongst staff - there will be angst over this, believe me.
And so all the complaints RNZ got - they mean something.
I think not letting it go helps - it's why I've done 3 separate pieces here on it. And I hope people keep emailing them about it. And tagging them. This week, next week, next year.
Trans people are so vulnerable - some of the most vulnerable in our society right now - and we must do better.
I am also struggling with this Lydia! I switched to web RNZ from stuff after their owner was so blatantly anti Tory Whanau. I’ve loved listening to RNZ for a long time so I’m really disappointed in them, but there’s not many other places for news in NZ!
I've subscribed to The Spinoff, as they are definitely left leaning in their stance, and they need the help a lot. They published two pieces speaking against the RNZ story.
I've been informed that the radio part of RNZ is separate from the news making part. Except, I guess, when the radio part reads out news from the news making part. So I think I'll keep listening... but yeah, maybe no news sources are completely trustworthy? I hate to say it because it sounds like such a conspiracy line...
Yessss bring the Flightless Bird live show to NZ - the kiwis are waiting!!
It'd be fun to do - but Rob is genuinely terrified of flying across oceans. May have to work on hypnosis.
Poor old Rob. I "cured" a few people afraid of flying (mild sufferers), by taking them for a fly in a light plane; talking them through what's happening and how those things work. That might not work with a chronic though - no suggestions, just my experience. Experiencing aerobatics might help though! (just kidding).
Come on, Rob.