The line about playing nice and possibly planting a seed of doubt about their beliefs has stuck in my head - so hopefully I’ll get to try it out.
Next year please do a survival guide on relatives asking when you’re going to have children - there needs to be a better response than visible disgust.
Have a nice Christmas David! I can’t add pictures but imagine I’ve inserted a festive “Henry Rollins building a gingerbread house” here - a true classic.
It's kinda thrown about that it takes people around 2 years to get out of conspiratorial rabbit holes, once the seed of doubt is planted. A bit like getting out of young earth creationism and that kinda thing. IF you're open to it at all. Some locked in for the long term.
And as for relatives asking intrusive sexuality-adjacent questions? Eesh.
It reminds me of strangers who just put their hand on women's tummies when they are pregnant - as if their bodies have suddenly become public property. The best response is to put your hands on their tummy and watch them recoil. Then they get it!
Maybe you'd should ask them something equally intrusive about their sexual life? But the problem with that is they might answer and you can't unhear that sh*t.
Racist, sexist, homo/transphobic relative, believes some conspiracy theories. Mainly because of fears I think, but still sucks. I just do not engage. Can't unravel that for them, so even if they bring it up, I just get out by saying we will never agree and immediately change the subject. Kept the peace for some time now as they know they cannot goad me into a debate.
Meri Kirihimete to you and yours David, I truly wish you a safe and joyful one that does not require too much enacting of Dr Paul's strategies in order to be enjoyable. For me, the Xmas Madness descends - I am the original grinch (I loathe and detest the entire thing!) - and things containing gin (or expresso martinis) are about the only medicine that makes it tolerable. I am hanging out for the 1 January, when it is all over! Stay safe y'all, keep smiling - see you on the other side.....
I'm sure a gin and espresso martini could make anyone's heart grow a few sizes!
I'm partial to lime margarita's myself. With extra tequila - hold the handguns.
And unlike a certain chiropractor, I am not a doctor and don't claim to be one. I might get tempted to do a PhD one day but your award of said title is very kind but premature :-)
apologies for the assumption......lol, yes well, nuf said about that particular 'doc'. :-) All the best to you and *cheers* to the margarita's and martini's. I reckon we'll survive the Silly Season on that basis alone. ;-) Take care out there....
Some good tips there, thanks to you and Paul. Heres hoping we can change some opinions here and there! Whatever, may we all have a wonderful xmas with plenty of enjoyable relaxing gatherings and look forward to a wonderful New Year.
Thanks so much to you and Paul for making more sense of the year with your wonderful, wise and witty posts. I felt there was one bit missing from Paul’s advice on Christmas that I was looking for. Far from not listening to my siblings rant about BLM, Adern being a Satanist Stalinist who lost the election, Jews trafficking and eating children, etc because I am too busy constructing my own answer, I am sitting here terrified that they are going to take violent actions given any encouragement that now is the moment to destroy the deep state.
My expectations have lowered from “Can I change their minds?” to “Can I plant a seed?” to “Can we be civil?” to “Please don’t kill my Jewish partner”. I now need therapy to reduce my anxiety level that they really could get guns and head out there, especially the more they talk about how something big is coming next year and evil will be swept away by the forces of good in their “groups”. I am looking forward to the New year when I get to go home and live under the illusion that my family are not paranoid mass killers in the making.
Anyway you made all this much more bearable so thanks heaps!
Nadis - that sounds absolutely awful and completely terrifying. Your emotional response makes complete sense to me because, of course, you are traumatized by that. Any compassionate person hearing their partner being talked about like that would be.
And you're right - I didn't cover that because there is no 'debating' that kind of dehumanizing hate speech. There is just getting away from a toxic emotionally abusive situation.
Maybe it was just drunk hateful speech for their own 'enjoyment' (ugh!), but it does sometimes turn into hateful acts. This is something targets of hate don't have the psychological luxury of ignoring - unlike the rest of us - and hence why hate speech is *never* funny. (I'm looking at you, Isaac Butterfield!)
My heart goes out to you, Nadis. No-one should have to go through that and I'm so sorry you did.
Thank you so much for the warm response, Paul. Unfortunately, there is no alcohol involved, just extreme ideology from within a family that shared common political and social views until this year when some of them started watching QAnon videos. You are so right about the targets of hate speech not having the psychological luxury of accommodating it. My partner saw the danger long before I did and refused to join our family Christmas. It seems so unreal - this can’t be happening in NZ to such ordinary people. Thanks again for replying. It does make a difference to receive a virtual hug from someone who understands.
The line about playing nice and possibly planting a seed of doubt about their beliefs has stuck in my head - so hopefully I’ll get to try it out.
Next year please do a survival guide on relatives asking when you’re going to have children - there needs to be a better response than visible disgust.
Have a nice Christmas David! I can’t add pictures but imagine I’ve inserted a festive “Henry Rollins building a gingerbread house” here - a true classic.
X
It's kinda thrown about that it takes people around 2 years to get out of conspiratorial rabbit holes, once the seed of doubt is planted. A bit like getting out of young earth creationism and that kinda thing. IF you're open to it at all. Some locked in for the long term.
Hey, Mothy - I hope it goes well.
And as for relatives asking intrusive sexuality-adjacent questions? Eesh.
It reminds me of strangers who just put their hand on women's tummies when they are pregnant - as if their bodies have suddenly become public property. The best response is to put your hands on their tummy and watch them recoil. Then they get it!
Maybe you'd should ask them something equally intrusive about their sexual life? But the problem with that is they might answer and you can't unhear that sh*t.
Racist, sexist, homo/transphobic relative, believes some conspiracy theories. Mainly because of fears I think, but still sucks. I just do not engage. Can't unravel that for them, so even if they bring it up, I just get out by saying we will never agree and immediately change the subject. Kept the peace for some time now as they know they cannot goad me into a debate.
PS: And an awesome happy birthday to YOU sir! Enjoy! Good excuse to party. :-)
Thanks! Christmas Day! I love and dread my birthday in equal measure.
Meri Kirihimete to you and yours David, I truly wish you a safe and joyful one that does not require too much enacting of Dr Paul's strategies in order to be enjoyable. For me, the Xmas Madness descends - I am the original grinch (I loathe and detest the entire thing!) - and things containing gin (or expresso martinis) are about the only medicine that makes it tolerable. I am hanging out for the 1 January, when it is all over! Stay safe y'all, keep smiling - see you on the other side.....
Thanks, Linda.
I'm sure a gin and espresso martini could make anyone's heart grow a few sizes!
I'm partial to lime margarita's myself. With extra tequila - hold the handguns.
And unlike a certain chiropractor, I am not a doctor and don't claim to be one. I might get tempted to do a PhD one day but your award of said title is very kind but premature :-)
apologies for the assumption......lol, yes well, nuf said about that particular 'doc'. :-) All the best to you and *cheers* to the margarita's and martini's. I reckon we'll survive the Silly Season on that basis alone. ;-) Take care out there....
Some good tips there, thanks to you and Paul. Heres hoping we can change some opinions here and there! Whatever, may we all have a wonderful xmas with plenty of enjoyable relaxing gatherings and look forward to a wonderful New Year.
Thanks, Linda. Right back at ya!
Oh, 00:45 on Boxing Day was probably too late to read this.
You really messed this up Robin!
Tolerated the drunk and the COVIDiots ok thankfully.
Thanks so much to you and Paul for making more sense of the year with your wonderful, wise and witty posts. I felt there was one bit missing from Paul’s advice on Christmas that I was looking for. Far from not listening to my siblings rant about BLM, Adern being a Satanist Stalinist who lost the election, Jews trafficking and eating children, etc because I am too busy constructing my own answer, I am sitting here terrified that they are going to take violent actions given any encouragement that now is the moment to destroy the deep state.
My expectations have lowered from “Can I change their minds?” to “Can I plant a seed?” to “Can we be civil?” to “Please don’t kill my Jewish partner”. I now need therapy to reduce my anxiety level that they really could get guns and head out there, especially the more they talk about how something big is coming next year and evil will be swept away by the forces of good in their “groups”. I am looking forward to the New year when I get to go home and live under the illusion that my family are not paranoid mass killers in the making.
Anyway you made all this much more bearable so thanks heaps!
Nadis - that sounds absolutely awful and completely terrifying. Your emotional response makes complete sense to me because, of course, you are traumatized by that. Any compassionate person hearing their partner being talked about like that would be.
And you're right - I didn't cover that because there is no 'debating' that kind of dehumanizing hate speech. There is just getting away from a toxic emotionally abusive situation.
Maybe it was just drunk hateful speech for their own 'enjoyment' (ugh!), but it does sometimes turn into hateful acts. This is something targets of hate don't have the psychological luxury of ignoring - unlike the rest of us - and hence why hate speech is *never* funny. (I'm looking at you, Isaac Butterfield!)
My heart goes out to you, Nadis. No-one should have to go through that and I'm so sorry you did.
*hugs*
Thank you so much for the warm response, Paul. Unfortunately, there is no alcohol involved, just extreme ideology from within a family that shared common political and social views until this year when some of them started watching QAnon videos. You are so right about the targets of hate speech not having the psychological luxury of accommodating it. My partner saw the danger long before I did and refused to join our family Christmas. It seems so unreal - this can’t be happening in NZ to such ordinary people. Thanks again for replying. It does make a difference to receive a virtual hug from someone who understands.
THIS IS FUCKING BRILLIANT ❤
I am lucky to know Paul. He's a gem.
Merry Christmas David & Birthday Wishes for the 25th. Thanks for Webworm.
Thanks, Stephen. Strap in for boxing day. Will be thinking of ya. Stay calm, stay cool!