This was a really, really great edition, I’m so grateful to have discovered Webworm this year, David Farrier you are an absolute gem during these times. Enjoying your writing (and film /TV making) has really helped me through some horrible times over the last few months. Meeting Paul in the comments was an added gift as he always has such wonderful notes and is so bloody funny. This guide had me laughing out loud, really hard, some absolutely fabulous references. I adore everything about all of this and just can’t thank you enough for all you do here. What a year! I wish you all the very best for the holidays and new year, thanks for everything you’ve shared here and all the dedication, words of wisdom and humour, and humility, you’re a breath of fresh air. And Paul, I wish you, Dakota and your family all the very best too, thanks for all the laughs and D&D advice. Stay safe everyone x
Thank you so much for this, the context of all of this insanity being fear based is something I have to keep returning to in order to stay in my compassion. I can very easily go to the "you're all insane fuckwits" place in my head and occasionally this sentiment has been known to fly out of my mouth with not so good outcomes. Anyway, this helps. Mere kirihimete nga Webworm whanau, you have kept my head out of the oven this year, and I am grateful for David, Paul and the sanity of the comments section. Nga aroha.
Paul, you have a wonderful brain and way of seeing the world. Your ability to surmise people and their underlying motivations in writing is exceptional. The dad jokes are just the cherry on top! Thank you so much for the time and effort you put into your articles and comments - they certainly have provided me with clarity and understanding.
I think Paul's brain make him a very good therapist. I'd probably go to him, but his work with Webworm probably means it's a clash for me! Feel very lucky to have him here.
This just described my son-in- law whom we share the day with. He is under strict instructions to not air his whacko theories with guests on Saturday. He is however to make sure that the other wacko friend is taken care of, I'm hoping they both sit on the deck and get stoned.
Hi David, This guide is going to be very useful for me this holiday season in NZ. Just what I needed to inject some humour and understanding into the big ‘relly filled’ day ahead.
Just want to also say I really look forward to your webworms every week. This is the best little subscription around as far as I’m concerned. Wishing you a happy and satisfying break. Regards. David.
Thank you Paul (and David). Such a fantastic read. You helped me get through the last family Christmas and I am so happy to be skipping it this year. Unvaccinated symptomatic relatives who won't get tested, because it's just a cold, sharing meals with my elderly (vaccinated) parents and unsuspecting others. What a horror show. Webworm is such a sane and refreshing place to come to when the world around you has gone mad. Thanks heaps, guys. You are so appreciated.
Wouldn't that be nice? This Christmas was easy to avoid as my son has cancer and we can't travel. It was diagnosed during the last lockdown and I've already had to deal with acquaintances telling me in person (I'm not on FB) that it was caused by the vaccine. Followed up by "You know that doctors lie, don't you?" when I reply that the surgeon told me the cancer has been there undetected for years. I am sure some of my family believe that too.
Webworm prepared me so well for this reaction and I would have lost the plot if I hadn't read your columns exposing anti-vaxxers hijacking other people's tragedies for their nefarious personal agendas. If anyone monitoring those groups sees "proof" that the vaccine causes cancer because it triggered it in a previously healthy young man in West Auckland, that would be us.
That's so incredibly tough and while scientifically it will do very little good, sending you all the love in the world. Life is fucking relentlessly tough sometimes. Those comments - no words. The fact you can type it without doing it in all caps shows me you're a better person than I.
It means *so much* that my stuff has helped in some small way. No words.
Please keep in touch - if you ever need to rant you can do it here, or I am also davidfarrier@protonmail.com. Hang in there and much power to you and your son.
Aw, thank you. Your writing made a world of difference to me, honestly. It helped hugely being educated about what was going on in the anti-vaxxer mindset. Seeing it as a fundamentalist religion has been enlightening. Understanding that these beliefs are core to identity so they push to one side other more naturally human feelings.
Getting the diagnosis last month, my first question was what did we do wrong to cause this (guilt, guilt) and the oncologist was so reassuring… my son had no risk factors, just a cell took a wrong turn one day when he was a young teenager. Compared to someone who had always been friendly and kind to us whose first reaction was not “Gee, that sucks. I’m so sorry to hear that” but “Did he get the vaccine?” i.e. you did this to him by getting him vaccinated. Such an unnatural way to respond to a friend, as if all perspective and empathy have been drained away and the space filled with thoughts about a vaccine.
Without having the context that Webworm has provided over the past couple of years, I would have been really confused by those conversations. And by other things like a friend telling me she can't stop thinking about paedophiles all day. Or a previously normal sibling saying that going on an anti-vaccine protest march was the best day of their life and their new friends are more like family than we are. Your writing, guests and comments section made sense of a personal world gone mad and Paul always shows us a pathway to healthy responses.
Nadis, I'm so sorry that people are going down that road with you. Sadly, it's something a lot of cancer sufferers and their whānau have to endure. Another friend of mine was asked if she had fed her teen diagnosed with leukemia any processed meat when he was younger.
It's that natural immunity, purity culture, just-world, victim-blaming arc. You can know they are just channeling their own fears and have lost all empathy as a result but it can still really hurt as it's the last thing you need.
Dec 21, 2021·edited Dec 21, 2021Liked by David Farrier
Lmao. Thanks for this latest piece. Everything I'd already understood but told with humour & humility. Paul Wilson is truly a holy fool. The ability to use humour to respond compassionately is a high functioning spiritual skill & man, do we need that now. I'm hiding out from all my family now due to illness, which I'll stretch out for my sanity's sake. A good laugh really helps. David, you really know when to pull it out of the hat, thanks for looking after us thru these interesting times. Nga mihi nui.
Much aroha, Imago. It's a pleasure to be able to work with Paul and send his words out. I feel lucky. Stay safe please, see you next year (although I think there might be one more Webworm left in me this year - but you can save reading it till next year - shut that screen off!
Thank you David for your posts this year. It has kept me sane and lifted me up when I was feeling very down. Also Paul, thank you, this is just what I needed to read at the moment. I will pass this on to my husband - between us with friends and family our bingo card is full 😆
A very merry Christmas to you both and let's not mention 2022 just yet 😶
We are tossing up seeing or bailing on a visit to my one vaccine hesitant family member. They have two small kids and live remotely, so the only way they'd get it is by someone visiting.
We will be double vaccinated and boosted by then, but would never forgive ourselves if we brought it to their doorstep. Might have to be one of those impossible phone calls - they'll be devastated.
It has been great reading webworm this year. Hope you manage a good break and look forward to what you bring to 2022.
Thank you both so much for writing and sharing this. A little dark humour goes a long way these days. Made my day. None of us gets out of this life alive, some just desperately try to be quicker...
Paul this is excellent, thank you! I love the species bingo 😂 The insight behind each is very helpful to remember. Fortunately there won’t be any at our Christmas this year but in the wider world of my family and friends I can definitely shout “Bingo!”
I get stuck trying to be right all the time and it has been clouding my natural empathy and compassion. Vaccines are one of my special interest areas since encountering a ton of anti-vax messaging when my first child was small, so naturally this carried over to Covid. It must be a scary place to be when you have absolutely no trust in the systems that are in place to protect you. I mean if you can’t even trust the medsafe data, what kind of world would this feel like to live in? Terrifying. I wish I could get through to the ones who need it the most.
"It must be a scary place to be when you have absolutely no trust in the systems that are in place to protect you".
Sometimes children have not been vaccinated because of issues of health literacy and/or access to healthcare, and any arguments here have no bearing on this group - what follows refers to those who "have done their research", albeit their paradigm of what constitutes research differs markedly from mine - part of the difference in definitions Paul mentions in this article.
It is interesting the spectrum of world views and need for security and dislike (or love of) conflict etc. amongst people. One of the bravest families I know of confronted harsh realities when they approached the media in 2013 and outlined their journey at https://www.nzherald.co.nz/nz/sons-ordeal-was-our-fault-say-parents/GMQOHHUWY3GNNMS2BXANLQJ43A/ . However, having treated (and in too many cases palliated) children with tetanus, measles & whooping cough over many years, this kind of family, who reassess their understanding and admits they made mistakes (in private, let alone in public), is rare. Many families 'double down' and demand ineffective and potentially harmful treatments at ridiculous doses, require long and difficult negotiation for consent to administer standard therapies, while emphatically denying that their decision has anything to do with their child's current condition. It is unusual they accept that they can mitigate future risk for their unwell child and that child's siblings by vaccinating. Perhaps some such parents are terrified, but Paul's description of the need for a sense of 'specialness' in being able to see through 'lies' the rest of us are unable to perceive certainly seems to be part of the story for some parents.
Very true, 'special-ness' is a behaviorally addictive form of shame avoidance and how it impacts on Confirmation bias is a big issue in the argumentative theory of human reason. https://conversational-leadership.net/argumentative-theory/
Also, Brent - can I just offer my great respect for your mahi. Dealing with resistant parents with unwell children is a really challenging and complicated issue, both emotionally and in medical ethics.
Dec 22, 2021·edited Dec 22, 2021Liked by David Farrier
Ngā mihi nui Paul. While challenging and complicated, we approach the problem as a multidisciplinary team, and that team includes amazing people, from nursing, social work and clinical psychology backgrounds. Even the clinical ethics advisory group goes to significant effort to try and emotionally support staff turning to them for formal ethical advice. Overall this makes the situation far more tolerable, collegial and rewarding than the family situations many people will find themselves in this Christmas.
We receive training in mediation, and having just watched the videos you linked on the argumentative theory of human reasoning (thank you for the links) it is interesting how that theory can fit in - the first step is to identify and explore the common goals you have, and work from that point.
Thank you for being my safe space. Webworm has been one of the few places I can retreat to that keeps me grounded. Good to know history is on our side but as a political science student I really worry about what the long term consequences of so much misinformation/disinformation will be. Crazy times. Have a great Xmas lads, 2023 looks set to be another fizzer so rest up, you’ll be needed.
I think each year will be a new fresh set of adventures / horrors at this point. And the fact sane people like you are studying and getting brainier and being involved in the space you're studying gives me hope. Sorry to be cheesy, but it does!
Thank you Paul, such a great read. And thank you David for providing some of the best reads on the internet. 2020 was complete shit for us but we flipped that in 2021, so are very grateful. Its a shame some have lost sight of the collective victories we achieved with the original Covid, and without a vaccine back then! Together we crushed it and were the envy of the world last summer. I just try to remember how proud I felt about NZ back then when confronted by the loud minority of the vaccine stragglers. Finding webworm was one of my years highlights. Best comments section ever. Stay safe, have fun and keep doing what you're doing please.
Sander - fuckin a. Thank you. High praise, and I will - this time and this time only - accept it. As I keep saying.. I really love what this comment section has given me and others that read it. It makes me even more excited to hit "send" as I know all these ideas will come back at me that I had not thought of. Happy.
This was a really, really great edition, I’m so grateful to have discovered Webworm this year, David Farrier you are an absolute gem during these times. Enjoying your writing (and film /TV making) has really helped me through some horrible times over the last few months. Meeting Paul in the comments was an added gift as he always has such wonderful notes and is so bloody funny. This guide had me laughing out loud, really hard, some absolutely fabulous references. I adore everything about all of this and just can’t thank you enough for all you do here. What a year! I wish you all the very best for the holidays and new year, thanks for everything you’ve shared here and all the dedication, words of wisdom and humour, and humility, you’re a breath of fresh air. And Paul, I wish you, Dakota and your family all the very best too, thanks for all the laughs and D&D advice. Stay safe everyone x
Stay safe too, Jo. Much aroha this holiday time.
Thank you so much for this, the context of all of this insanity being fear based is something I have to keep returning to in order to stay in my compassion. I can very easily go to the "you're all insane fuckwits" place in my head and occasionally this sentiment has been known to fly out of my mouth with not so good outcomes. Anyway, this helps. Mere kirihimete nga Webworm whanau, you have kept my head out of the oven this year, and I am grateful for David, Paul and the sanity of the comments section. Nga aroha.
Paul, you have a wonderful brain and way of seeing the world. Your ability to surmise people and their underlying motivations in writing is exceptional. The dad jokes are just the cherry on top! Thank you so much for the time and effort you put into your articles and comments - they certainly have provided me with clarity and understanding.
I think Paul's brain make him a very good therapist. I'd probably go to him, but his work with Webworm probably means it's a clash for me! Feel very lucky to have him here.
This just described my son-in- law whom we share the day with. He is under strict instructions to not air his whacko theories with guests on Saturday. He is however to make sure that the other wacko friend is taken care of, I'm hoping they both sit on the deck and get stoned.
Hi David, This guide is going to be very useful for me this holiday season in NZ. Just what I needed to inject some humour and understanding into the big ‘relly filled’ day ahead.
Just want to also say I really look forward to your webworms every week. This is the best little subscription around as far as I’m concerned. Wishing you a happy and satisfying break. Regards. David.
Thank you Paul (and David). Such a fantastic read. You helped me get through the last family Christmas and I am so happy to be skipping it this year. Unvaccinated symptomatic relatives who won't get tested, because it's just a cold, sharing meals with my elderly (vaccinated) parents and unsuspecting others. What a horror show. Webworm is such a sane and refreshing place to come to when the world around you has gone mad. Thanks heaps, guys. You are so appreciated.
I hope we can all share a table with our friends and whanau when we are not having to come up with advance plans on how not to lose the plot!
Wouldn't that be nice? This Christmas was easy to avoid as my son has cancer and we can't travel. It was diagnosed during the last lockdown and I've already had to deal with acquaintances telling me in person (I'm not on FB) that it was caused by the vaccine. Followed up by "You know that doctors lie, don't you?" when I reply that the surgeon told me the cancer has been there undetected for years. I am sure some of my family believe that too.
Webworm prepared me so well for this reaction and I would have lost the plot if I hadn't read your columns exposing anti-vaxxers hijacking other people's tragedies for their nefarious personal agendas. If anyone monitoring those groups sees "proof" that the vaccine causes cancer because it triggered it in a previously healthy young man in West Auckland, that would be us.
That's so incredibly tough and while scientifically it will do very little good, sending you all the love in the world. Life is fucking relentlessly tough sometimes. Those comments - no words. The fact you can type it without doing it in all caps shows me you're a better person than I.
It means *so much* that my stuff has helped in some small way. No words.
Please keep in touch - if you ever need to rant you can do it here, or I am also davidfarrier@protonmail.com. Hang in there and much power to you and your son.
Aw, thank you. Your writing made a world of difference to me, honestly. It helped hugely being educated about what was going on in the anti-vaxxer mindset. Seeing it as a fundamentalist religion has been enlightening. Understanding that these beliefs are core to identity so they push to one side other more naturally human feelings.
Getting the diagnosis last month, my first question was what did we do wrong to cause this (guilt, guilt) and the oncologist was so reassuring… my son had no risk factors, just a cell took a wrong turn one day when he was a young teenager. Compared to someone who had always been friendly and kind to us whose first reaction was not “Gee, that sucks. I’m so sorry to hear that” but “Did he get the vaccine?” i.e. you did this to him by getting him vaccinated. Such an unnatural way to respond to a friend, as if all perspective and empathy have been drained away and the space filled with thoughts about a vaccine.
Without having the context that Webworm has provided over the past couple of years, I would have been really confused by those conversations. And by other things like a friend telling me she can't stop thinking about paedophiles all day. Or a previously normal sibling saying that going on an anti-vaccine protest march was the best day of their life and their new friends are more like family than we are. Your writing, guests and comments section made sense of a personal world gone mad and Paul always shows us a pathway to healthy responses.
Nadis, I'm so sorry that people are going down that road with you. Sadly, it's something a lot of cancer sufferers and their whānau have to endure. Another friend of mine was asked if she had fed her teen diagnosed with leukemia any processed meat when he was younger.
It's that natural immunity, purity culture, just-world, victim-blaming arc. You can know they are just channeling their own fears and have lost all empathy as a result but it can still really hurt as it's the last thing you need.
It totally sucks and you deserve better. *hugs*
Lmao. Thanks for this latest piece. Everything I'd already understood but told with humour & humility. Paul Wilson is truly a holy fool. The ability to use humour to respond compassionately is a high functioning spiritual skill & man, do we need that now. I'm hiding out from all my family now due to illness, which I'll stretch out for my sanity's sake. A good laugh really helps. David, you really know when to pull it out of the hat, thanks for looking after us thru these interesting times. Nga mihi nui.
Much aroha, Imago. It's a pleasure to be able to work with Paul and send his words out. I feel lucky. Stay safe please, see you next year (although I think there might be one more Webworm left in me this year - but you can save reading it till next year - shut that screen off!
Thank you David for your posts this year. It has kept me sane and lifted me up when I was feeling very down. Also Paul, thank you, this is just what I needed to read at the moment. I will pass this on to my husband - between us with friends and family our bingo card is full 😆
A very merry Christmas to you both and let's not mention 2022 just yet 😶
This means a lot. Heaps. Here's to the eternally full bingo board x
Whoa! Lemuria and Kawanda beckon. Better keep a look out for these two.
King Julianus Rex - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Aul35gjdFWM
The Black Vegetable - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WFZrseGNlC8
Thanks Paul and David.
We are tossing up seeing or bailing on a visit to my one vaccine hesitant family member. They have two small kids and live remotely, so the only way they'd get it is by someone visiting.
We will be double vaccinated and boosted by then, but would never forgive ourselves if we brought it to their doorstep. Might have to be one of those impossible phone calls - they'll be devastated.
It has been great reading webworm this year. Hope you manage a good break and look forward to what you bring to 2022.
Thanks to Paul! Good read. Tog, togs, undies for LYFE!
Ok, also the Bubble quote! Thank you for that too!!
And don't forget Denis Denuto. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nMuh33BMZYY
The photocopier moment too! I think of that every time I use a photocopier, pretty much.
Totally. The Castle is a comic masterpiece.
Totally! The movie on the plane... It's all gold.
Dennis dammit!
Best of luck everyone
Same to you, you great big plague!
Thank you both so much for writing and sharing this. A little dark humour goes a long way these days. Made my day. None of us gets out of this life alive, some just desperately try to be quicker...
Yeah, don't get me started on my fear of death! Thanks for reading. I think we gotta laugh our way though the crazy a little. Stay safe.
You too! Maybe catch up when you are back in the Land of the Wrong White Crowd.
Yeah man - I will return. It's been way too long. (thanks for reading my words btw, means a lot)
Paul this is excellent, thank you! I love the species bingo 😂 The insight behind each is very helpful to remember. Fortunately there won’t be any at our Christmas this year but in the wider world of my family and friends I can definitely shout “Bingo!”
I get stuck trying to be right all the time and it has been clouding my natural empathy and compassion. Vaccines are one of my special interest areas since encountering a ton of anti-vax messaging when my first child was small, so naturally this carried over to Covid. It must be a scary place to be when you have absolutely no trust in the systems that are in place to protect you. I mean if you can’t even trust the medsafe data, what kind of world would this feel like to live in? Terrifying. I wish I could get through to the ones who need it the most.
"It must be a scary place to be when you have absolutely no trust in the systems that are in place to protect you".
Sometimes children have not been vaccinated because of issues of health literacy and/or access to healthcare, and any arguments here have no bearing on this group - what follows refers to those who "have done their research", albeit their paradigm of what constitutes research differs markedly from mine - part of the difference in definitions Paul mentions in this article.
It is interesting the spectrum of world views and need for security and dislike (or love of) conflict etc. amongst people. One of the bravest families I know of confronted harsh realities when they approached the media in 2013 and outlined their journey at https://www.nzherald.co.nz/nz/sons-ordeal-was-our-fault-say-parents/GMQOHHUWY3GNNMS2BXANLQJ43A/ . However, having treated (and in too many cases palliated) children with tetanus, measles & whooping cough over many years, this kind of family, who reassess their understanding and admits they made mistakes (in private, let alone in public), is rare. Many families 'double down' and demand ineffective and potentially harmful treatments at ridiculous doses, require long and difficult negotiation for consent to administer standard therapies, while emphatically denying that their decision has anything to do with their child's current condition. It is unusual they accept that they can mitigate future risk for their unwell child and that child's siblings by vaccinating. Perhaps some such parents are terrified, but Paul's description of the need for a sense of 'specialness' in being able to see through 'lies' the rest of us are unable to perceive certainly seems to be part of the story for some parents.
Very true, 'special-ness' is a behaviorally addictive form of shame avoidance and how it impacts on Confirmation bias is a big issue in the argumentative theory of human reason. https://conversational-leadership.net/argumentative-theory/
Interesting thank you for the link
Also, Brent - can I just offer my great respect for your mahi. Dealing with resistant parents with unwell children is a really challenging and complicated issue, both emotionally and in medical ethics.
Ngā mihi nui Paul. While challenging and complicated, we approach the problem as a multidisciplinary team, and that team includes amazing people, from nursing, social work and clinical psychology backgrounds. Even the clinical ethics advisory group goes to significant effort to try and emotionally support staff turning to them for formal ethical advice. Overall this makes the situation far more tolerable, collegial and rewarding than the family situations many people will find themselves in this Christmas.
We receive training in mediation, and having just watched the videos you linked on the argumentative theory of human reasoning (thank you for the links) it is interesting how that theory can fit in - the first step is to identify and explore the common goals you have, and work from that point.
Jonathan Haidt's 'The Righteous Mind' https://www.amazon.com/Righteous-Mind-Divided-Politics-Religion-ebook/dp/B0076O2VMI has some similar insights but Mercier and Sperber's depth of theory and practical advice is hard to beat. Their original paper on the argumentative theory is actually very readable. https://repository.upenn.edu/cgi/viewcontent.cgi?article=1017&context=goldstone
Thanks Paul (and David!), awesome writing. Chosen family FTW! Wishing all the Webworm whānau all the best for the holidays ❤️
Thank you for being my safe space. Webworm has been one of the few places I can retreat to that keeps me grounded. Good to know history is on our side but as a political science student I really worry about what the long term consequences of so much misinformation/disinformation will be. Crazy times. Have a great Xmas lads, 2023 looks set to be another fizzer so rest up, you’ll be needed.
I think each year will be a new fresh set of adventures / horrors at this point. And the fact sane people like you are studying and getting brainier and being involved in the space you're studying gives me hope. Sorry to be cheesy, but it does!
Thank you Paul, such a great read. And thank you David for providing some of the best reads on the internet. 2020 was complete shit for us but we flipped that in 2021, so are very grateful. Its a shame some have lost sight of the collective victories we achieved with the original Covid, and without a vaccine back then! Together we crushed it and were the envy of the world last summer. I just try to remember how proud I felt about NZ back then when confronted by the loud minority of the vaccine stragglers. Finding webworm was one of my years highlights. Best comments section ever. Stay safe, have fun and keep doing what you're doing please.
Sander - fuckin a. Thank you. High praise, and I will - this time and this time only - accept it. As I keep saying.. I really love what this comment section has given me and others that read it. It makes me even more excited to hit "send" as I know all these ideas will come back at me that I had not thought of. Happy.