"I Was Hacked!"

In which the founder of Hillsong megachurch blocks me, and regrets his pornographic search terms.

Hi,

“I was hacked” is a wonderful excuse for a variety of sins, and it was used to perfection this week by Brian Houston, the New Zealand founder (and disgraced former leader) of toxic megachurch Hillsong.

“Ladies and girls kissing” Brian tweeted at 11.41pm on Tuesday.

It was four words he’d clearly meant to type into Twitter search (or if very drunk, perhaps into Google), but had instead typed as a tweet.

A Twitter tweet vs a Twitter search.

“Ladies and girls kissing” — four words now permanently seared into my brain.

Why did he muck this up? Look, I can only imagine — but as Webworm previously reported, the man has a history of becoming disoriented when it come to ladies and girls:

“Following an in-depth investigation, it was found that Pastor Brian became disoriented after a session at the Hillsong Conference, following the consumption of anti-anxiety medication beyond the prescribed dose, mixed with alcohol. This resulted in him knocking on the door of a hotel room that was not his, entering this room and spending time with the female occupant.”

If you can accidentally stumble into the wrong hotel room to “spend time with a female occupant”, I have little doubt you can also stumble onto the wrong part of Twitter.

The search term he typed somehow manages to be both pure (I would argue people looking for pornography have typed in far more graphic descriptions) and also deeply unsettling (“girls”). They’re the pornographic search terms of a deeply repressed 70-year-old man.

(And I don’t really want to think about this in the context of Brian’s father. Shudder.)

I’m not quite sure when the panic would have set in, but I’m guessing almost immediately. What would have followed was 16 minutes of intense thinking.

How do you come back from sending out “Ladies and girls kissing” to 577,000 followers (including adoring fans/leaders of various New Zealand churches like Life, Arise, City Impact and Destiny)?

At 11.57pm, Brian had his solution:

It’s an excuse for the ages, and Brian isn’t the first to have used it. But in this case, it was particularly sloppy and flawed in its execution.

If you want to use the “I was hacked” excuse, I suggest waiting longer than 16 minutes. When your Twitter account is hacked, you don’t get it back in 16 minutes. I’d estimate two days minimum, but more likely two to six months. Plus the excuse doesn’t hit as hard when you imagine what a hacker would actually do if they seized control of Brian’s Twitter. I am guessing a solo tweet of “Ladies and girls kissing” — swiftly deleted — would not be it.

People saw through it, and they saw through it quickly — approximately 10,000 replies of “ladies and girls kissing” probably making pastor Brian worry his excuse had not helped.

So he did what any male leaders of a megachurch would do — he put his female assistant in the firing line:

Of course people saw through this bullshit too, so Brian came back swinging — claiming “our team has discovered an unusual login was detected (see below)”:

The slight flaw in this explanation was the screenshot he posted had nothing to do with the account Brian had tweeted from (@BrianCHouston) but a different account altogether (@BrianHoust28619).

One can only imagine what he uses “@BrianHoust28619” for.

Realising this excuse had nothing to do with the problem — Brian deleted that tweet, along with his original tweet suggesting he’d been hacked.

And he blocked me when I made enquiries into his behaviour (and porn habits).

As you’d expect from a charismatic charlatan, Brian’s entire Twitter feed is a flaming mess — but this one from November last year springs to mind:

Yes, Brian: It did serve a purpose. It showed us that you’re willing to lie continuously, even about shit that doesn’t matter.

I wish there was a world where Brian Houston would value truth over the fact that some nights, at 11.57pm, he just wants to have a wank.

Fair?

David.

PS: You can read all of Webworm’s megachurch coverage to date here. And if Brian Houston and Hillsong are new to you, this is my previous writing about their secret meetings and Brian’s fall from grace:

It’s Judgement Day for Hillsong Megachurch
Their reckoning has well and truly arrived: “I see the insanity of it now. I did not back then.”

Let us Prey: Inside the Secret Hillsong Staff Meeting
Last night, Hillsong church held a private staff meeting. I watched.

RIP Brian Houston
The founder of Hillsong Megachurch goes down in a ball of flames. Let's hope the church goes with him.

The problem of Hillsong & Stephen Harmon
The megachurch’s stance on Stephen Harmon’s Covid death speaks volumes.