I got my only self-help book ever from The Warehouse (basically NZ's Target) when I was about 14. I still remember pouring over it, trying to fix myself using stupid lines and quotes. The title is forever burnt into my brain: Don't Sweat The Small Stuff (and It's All Small Stuff).
Word to the wise - IT'S NOT THAT SIMPLE AND IT'S NOT ALL SMALL STUFF! Some stuff is actually very fucking important and you need to sort it out - carefully!
Feb 7, 2023·edited Feb 7, 2023Liked by David Farrier
The self-help industry is prime territory for grifters and scammers to take advantage of vulnerable people, so it's no surprise that it's such a hellscape.
There's only one (1) book I'd recommend, and that's Feeling Good by David Burns. It was suggested to me by a therapist, and I actually found it rather helpful. The author is a psychiatrist, so it's basically therapy in book form. It helped me realize how much emotions were influenced by my thoughts, and vice versa. It might seem obvious at first, but I found it quite effective in practice. Instead of big sweeping changes, it has small practical steps you can take to improve your mood. I started keeping track of my fleeting thoughts, and I was shocked at how negative they could be. No promises obviously, but I found some benefit in it.
Nothing about donkeys though. I would stick with Shuruppak for that.
Hello! Thank you for reading whatever that was. As usual when I write something for Webworm I’ll lurk in the comments to answer any questions you might have. Also, because disclosing this much of myself is a pants-shittingly-scary anathema for me, I’d love it if anyone wanted to talk about any of the weird (or banal) self-improvement holes they’ve found themselves going down. My theory is that a hell of a lot of people are just as taken by self-improvement as I am and I want to hear about it. What’s on the bookshelves? What have you tried? What’s failed, and what (if anything) has worked?
Honestly, we might be better off if more self-help books were donkey-based nowadays. Remarkably less harmful than 90% of the nonsense most folks are peddling.
I am an aging doctor. I used to work in a high needs practice and found that if I did not have a scaffolding of strategies around me I erred towards burnout. I know if I exercise that I sleep better and as I age it staves off the back pain that I wake with and the shoulders that get sore if I do not regularly exercise them. I have done a Tai Chi class for much of the last 10 years. This is very much related to mindfulness. Again I kept doing it because I slept better the night after Tai Chi...my mind was not teeming so much with all the problems of the day and it also moved bits of me that would otherwise have become stiff. I go to church (St Andrews on the Terrace Wellington). This one feels a bit weird to me as I was brought up very much anti-religion. However I get comfort from the community. On a bad week I found myself weeping in the pews and felt better afterwards. The ritual settles me and I have been particularly grateful to have this relationship when dealing with death, a well structured funeral (or tangi) for me significantly eases the grief of death. Whilst in practice I regularly saw a therapist to talk about the things that got in the way of me doing a good job. I am always wary of my alcohol intake and if it starts climbing will try to understand why.
There has to be something about making a profit out of "self help" that is a part of the problem. I think there is also something about being able to critically appraise evidence. For example it is almost impossible to get robust evidence about any particular diet. To do this you would have to have the intervention group and a control group. The intervention group would have to stick to the diet of interest (how do you measure that...food diaries are notoriously useless) and the control group would have to eat something different. You would have to keep the diet going long enough to make a difference (??at least a year probably longer) and then you need to measure something meaningful to see what "better" actually means.
Excellent wrap up of the major self improvement themes. We live in interesting times. We have more knowledge available to us than we can handle, more ways to express our individuality (that we are told is our absolute right), in a vastly more connected (I use that term very loosely) world. We find ourselves floating in a sea of anonymity illuminated by the fact that we are, like it or not, made painfully aware of 7-odd billion others on our planet, most of whom are a damn sight worse off than we are (which makes us feel a bit stink about ourselves).
Or... am I significant (a very Western idea)? Is everybody else's life as shit as mine or are they all as Insta-perfect as they appear? Am I in the minority or majority shitty-life group? Yes indeed 'the fields are ripe unto harvest' for the opportunistic grifters (who are simply me or you with the volume turned WAY up) to ply their message of hope and validate our distrust of anything we are not. If a little bit of self improvement is good then there must be hoards of people who'll pay big bucks for my shortcut to happiness. And there are. Its a billion dollar industry.
Which brings me to another point - self-help is the soulchild of the happiness movement. Who the fuck says life has to be all sunshine? There's gotta be a little rain sometime (perhaps an insensitive metaphor in the current climate crisis). All this to say this sits on a continuum of intensity from utter disinterest to radical fundamentalism. You can apply that to pretty much anything - religion, science, politics, health... and so on.
Love this topic. I’ve seen a lot of good, well meaning, but slightly dim friends throw themselves into sound healing, reiki, energy healing, crystals, breath work and all manner of diet changes since the “plandemic” while sharing anti-govt propaganda and Pete Evans/David Avocado Wolf posts. All extremely privileged women who have become unwitting foot soldiers for the far right. It’s all tied in but I’ve never been able to articulate it quite as well as you do. Fascinating stuff for us social science students, although somewhat grim.
The best advice I ever got was from my dog and it goes like this, “live in the moment.” I don’t know that my dog worries about his thigh gap as he happily chomps down another treat. When his human returns after being away, he’s not sulky and sad, he’s off the wall happy, wagging his tail and ready for a pet. If I’m in a bad mood one day, he doesn’t remember that for a lifetime and bring it up the next time he has a bad day. He’s perfectly happy going for a run or walk or a bit of fetch no matter the day, time, or temperature; and in that same manner, he’s just as happy to snuggle on the couch and watch tv for a day, no guilt or pride in whichever the day plays out.
I’m just so tired of waking every day and not being happy with my body, my bank account, my relationships; am I doing enough, doing too much.....I just wanna eat, sleep, love and enjoy the time I have. But dear god, all the background noise!
I dunno, I could perhaps be biased because of my own negative past experiences, but I’ve always felt like churches, cults, mlm’s, and the self help industry all recruit in a similar fashion. They look for an emotional vulnerability they can lean on, hit it as hard as they can, and then offer you both a solution and a community. The thought of a solution to your problems draws you in, and then the community traps you. It’s hard to pull yourself away from something when it feels like your whole life is wrapped up in it.
And don’t get me wrong -- I have a whole mess of practices I follow to get myself through the day. I have six different tarot decks, various oracle cards, and more crystals than I can probably justify. I spent a year doing yoga every single morning at 5am, with a former playboy bunny turned off-the-grid hippie. I’ve done weekly barre classes. I’ve stopped by more churches than I can count. I’ve tried journaling, too many diets to name, and CBT. The only thing I’ve ever been able to conclude is that ... if it makes you feel good, and it’s not doing anyone any harm ... why not?
It’s just that once self improvement crosses into the sphere of commercialism it literally profits off our insecurities. It’s not in any self help guru’s best interest for us to be fully comfortable with ourselves, because then there’s nothing to improve, and we won’t cough up money. And unfortunately we’re all insecure by nature, so it’s easy to fall victim.
This very much hit a nerve - not so much the current self-help literature (although I did listen to the audio version of the Subtle Art of not giving a Fuck [banal to the point of a lullaby which was problematic as we listened on a road trip] & have tried and failed on my fair share of das diets) as “The Instructions of Shuruppak”.
As the owner of two miniature donkey boys (in spe, they’ll arrive in May), I feel like I should get deeply into that ancient tome of wisdom. Shame I’ll have to insert my own words into the ??? - could be an interesting journey testing out different variations with the donkeys. “If you feed a donkey weed, it will smoke another donkey?” 🤣
Awesome work as usual Josh, can’t wait to read your exploits!
The ability to truly connect to yourself, like that person and actively look after them is the key. and all of that is achievable by you, for you, if you just give yourself some time and space to think. but noone makes any money based on that idea- so we must keep selling the dream of something external being the solution.
my plan has always been to write a book around this, that is actually helpful, and somehow free
obviously im too busy with my dieting, F45 and cooking meals i just take photos of for instagram to have done this yet- but one day!!!
good luck Josh, if you just have a positive mind set and some morning protein powder and kale, you cannot fail
Yes, it's wrong to mock those who are trying to improve themselves but it's well and good to truly interrogate those who are selling it to us because they are so often, deeply sick themselves. This is why I adore the Apple TV show, Physical (which is about a woman with an eating disorder so if that triggers you in any way, please stop reading this and stay away from the show). The main character is in the throes of an eating disorder (being highly restrictive in her food intake with occasional binges where she purges afterwards) and she wanders into an aerobics class and gets hooked. She gets so hooked that she builds her own aerobics empire (not a spoiler, the show's first scene establishes that she does successfully establish her business). She is also deeply unwell and suffering from a lot of family trauma which mirrors Jane Fonda's own experience with building her aerobics business, she was also dealing with an eating disorder (which started long before she went into aerobics) and she didn't disclose this until years later. She was sick and trying to help other people become better. I try to stay away from self improvement for my own sanity since I don't deal well with failure at all (I don't even do New Year's resolutions) I truly believe that the only safe form of self improvement involves therapy with a licensed professional and possibly an actual psychiatrist. There are too many scams out there and too many unwell people who are trying to get better by selling you something that hasn't even worked for them.
Also, me again. I have been involved in some of the wellness world a bit and here is how it sometimes goes:
1. You're very special
2. Your'e also fucked
3. Only I can fix you. Give me your money
Bastard part about it is I suspected that all along! I know I am special! I have a special destiny! I am different! I am socially awkward but nevertheless terribly interesting! And fucked, yeah, I know that too! So wow this wellness influencer/grifter knows me so well and this confirms what a special little starseed I am! Of course they can have my money! Dammit, I gave them all my money....
Good article. I have breathed in deeply, read my horoscope, taken a few drugs and now feel mindfully stoic enough to give self improvement claptrap a big swerve
Feb 7, 2023·edited Feb 8, 2023Liked by David Farrier
These MLM are all blinded by the faith in their beliefs and something that will never eventuate.
Every day they tried to throw the I’m getting paid to make up half-truths about genuine get rich quick opportunities at me as well.
The other statement is they have a go at the information I provide but the honest truth of it it’s very hard to find the truth when you’re going through the latrine, trying to fine good clean facts/information about a WEWE.
I’ve done my upmost to try and stop this event happening in Christchurch. Phoned all the hotels hosting the events in AU and NZ, contacted the serious fraud office, Play my third complaint with FMA, telephoned the police to talk to the “Criminal Financial Unit” went into Christchurch Central police station. They had to do an investigation to see whether “Criminal Financial Unit” was in the building that took over one hour.
After searching upstairs he said they weren’t in today, so the constable said, as he handed me a post it note write down what do you want to talk to them about and I’ll get them to phone you on Monday!
I said don’t you know who I am?? I’m “The Crypto Ponzi Scheme Avenger” featured in New York Times been on radio New Zealand in the Otago Times and four pages in The Listener and quoted on a article produced by a true soldier David Farrier. He didn’t even know who you were David can you believe that!
They’re not up with the play, he did say there’s a lot of crime happening in Crypto at the moment I wanted to say no shit Sherlock but this is WEE WEE not shit.
Anyway other than standing outside the event with a sign looking like an idiot trying to warn people, who will be telling me I’m an idiot I think I’ve done my part causing disruption.
I’ve even been texting one of the guys that’s going to be standing on the stage “Steve Condos” he’s a bloody Australian already know for scamming people in the past, what more do you need two know about WEWE.
People who go to these events have not been in the trenches with people like me or David, we go through this shit and it gets dirty.
Mum and Dad investors will listen to their polished sales techniques and they will leave the event with doubt is it a scam or is it legit. Often these sales guys use NLP training, many of the people in the audience will keep thinking about getting rich, just like you think about imagine if I won lotto this week what would I do with the money dinner becomes a no brainer to buy a lotto ticket and that’s how they hook you in.
[Apologizing up front for how absurdly long this one is.]
Yeah, most of self-improvement pop culture is a grift. I think that monetizing the grift has shifted from books to influencers, the latter actually being *worse* because anyone who likes taking selfies and pointing at invisible pop-up text boxes can do it. It doesn't need to be accepted by a publisher or go through an editor.
Much like MLM, the grift targets a certain group of vulnerable people. In the case of self-help, I think it's often people with trauma. Trauma fucking *sucks* and learning to live with it while remaining functional is a long, exhausting, and arduous process. People deal with it in any number of ways. Two prominent examples:
-Modern psych has a whole bunch of methods to choose from. Cons: takes forever, variable effectiveness, fucking hurts like a bitch.
-Substance abuse ends up being a coping method for many. There's probably some good stats out there by smart people who aren't as lazy as I am. I'm sure SAHMSA has some good stuff. Cons: stigma, difficult to access treatment, can kill you.
So maybe people who haven't found success going the traditional route and, understandably, want to avoid the drugs and alcohol, have found the secret third thing: the self-help market.
Here's a way you can actively take positive steps to improve or even reinvent yourself! I can see the appeal. I think that you will find a ton of these people in the categories you listed in the article. It's part and parcel with the toxic positivity game.
I've observed people I know fall into this crap. I'll briefly describe one example from my life because it has pretty decent reliability (like in research terms): My sister and are two years apart and were always close. As such, we grew up in the same household, have had many of the same experiences, and have gone through much of the same trauma (that's the "reliability" part). Specifically, our family started going through some pretty horrific stuff around 2015. At first, she and I stuck close together in dealing with it all, but eventually our paths diverged.
Hers veered sharply into self-help/toxic positivity territory. She's now a "certified" life coach (the " " because there are not any accredited licensing bodies). Recently, she's started training to be a yoga instructor. Yoga has a lot of evidence-based advantages! I think it can be a great activity. But making it part of your identity, that's the part that's the self-help delusion.
So has this self-help thing worked for her? I mean, in some ways, I guess...she's doing really well in her career. But it also made her into this weird sort of zen robot that acts nothing like my real sister did. It's disconcerting, frankly. So self-help isn't *really* helping; it's just giving you things to do that seem really healthy...but it is just another type of protective shell into which our battered selves can retreat.
I know David always tells me it's fine, but this really *is* too long. =\ I edited it down some, though! Anybody who read all of it...thanks, I dig you.
Thanks for the great insights and brain fodder, Josh!
I got my only self-help book ever from The Warehouse (basically NZ's Target) when I was about 14. I still remember pouring over it, trying to fix myself using stupid lines and quotes. The title is forever burnt into my brain: Don't Sweat The Small Stuff (and It's All Small Stuff).
Word to the wise - IT'S NOT THAT SIMPLE AND IT'S NOT ALL SMALL STUFF! Some stuff is actually very fucking important and you need to sort it out - carefully!
The self-help industry is prime territory for grifters and scammers to take advantage of vulnerable people, so it's no surprise that it's such a hellscape.
There's only one (1) book I'd recommend, and that's Feeling Good by David Burns. It was suggested to me by a therapist, and I actually found it rather helpful. The author is a psychiatrist, so it's basically therapy in book form. It helped me realize how much emotions were influenced by my thoughts, and vice versa. It might seem obvious at first, but I found it quite effective in practice. Instead of big sweeping changes, it has small practical steps you can take to improve your mood. I started keeping track of my fleeting thoughts, and I was shocked at how negative they could be. No promises obviously, but I found some benefit in it.
Nothing about donkeys though. I would stick with Shuruppak for that.
Hello! Thank you for reading whatever that was. As usual when I write something for Webworm I’ll lurk in the comments to answer any questions you might have. Also, because disclosing this much of myself is a pants-shittingly-scary anathema for me, I’d love it if anyone wanted to talk about any of the weird (or banal) self-improvement holes they’ve found themselves going down. My theory is that a hell of a lot of people are just as taken by self-improvement as I am and I want to hear about it. What’s on the bookshelves? What have you tried? What’s failed, and what (if anything) has worked?
Honestly, we might be better off if more self-help books were donkey-based nowadays. Remarkably less harmful than 90% of the nonsense most folks are peddling.
Hi all,
I am an aging doctor. I used to work in a high needs practice and found that if I did not have a scaffolding of strategies around me I erred towards burnout. I know if I exercise that I sleep better and as I age it staves off the back pain that I wake with and the shoulders that get sore if I do not regularly exercise them. I have done a Tai Chi class for much of the last 10 years. This is very much related to mindfulness. Again I kept doing it because I slept better the night after Tai Chi...my mind was not teeming so much with all the problems of the day and it also moved bits of me that would otherwise have become stiff. I go to church (St Andrews on the Terrace Wellington). This one feels a bit weird to me as I was brought up very much anti-religion. However I get comfort from the community. On a bad week I found myself weeping in the pews and felt better afterwards. The ritual settles me and I have been particularly grateful to have this relationship when dealing with death, a well structured funeral (or tangi) for me significantly eases the grief of death. Whilst in practice I regularly saw a therapist to talk about the things that got in the way of me doing a good job. I am always wary of my alcohol intake and if it starts climbing will try to understand why.
There has to be something about making a profit out of "self help" that is a part of the problem. I think there is also something about being able to critically appraise evidence. For example it is almost impossible to get robust evidence about any particular diet. To do this you would have to have the intervention group and a control group. The intervention group would have to stick to the diet of interest (how do you measure that...food diaries are notoriously useless) and the control group would have to eat something different. You would have to keep the diet going long enough to make a difference (??at least a year probably longer) and then you need to measure something meaningful to see what "better" actually means.
Excellent wrap up of the major self improvement themes. We live in interesting times. We have more knowledge available to us than we can handle, more ways to express our individuality (that we are told is our absolute right), in a vastly more connected (I use that term very loosely) world. We find ourselves floating in a sea of anonymity illuminated by the fact that we are, like it or not, made painfully aware of 7-odd billion others on our planet, most of whom are a damn sight worse off than we are (which makes us feel a bit stink about ourselves).
Or... am I significant (a very Western idea)? Is everybody else's life as shit as mine or are they all as Insta-perfect as they appear? Am I in the minority or majority shitty-life group? Yes indeed 'the fields are ripe unto harvest' for the opportunistic grifters (who are simply me or you with the volume turned WAY up) to ply their message of hope and validate our distrust of anything we are not. If a little bit of self improvement is good then there must be hoards of people who'll pay big bucks for my shortcut to happiness. And there are. Its a billion dollar industry.
Which brings me to another point - self-help is the soulchild of the happiness movement. Who the fuck says life has to be all sunshine? There's gotta be a little rain sometime (perhaps an insensitive metaphor in the current climate crisis). All this to say this sits on a continuum of intensity from utter disinterest to radical fundamentalism. You can apply that to pretty much anything - religion, science, politics, health... and so on.
Love this topic. I’ve seen a lot of good, well meaning, but slightly dim friends throw themselves into sound healing, reiki, energy healing, crystals, breath work and all manner of diet changes since the “plandemic” while sharing anti-govt propaganda and Pete Evans/David Avocado Wolf posts. All extremely privileged women who have become unwitting foot soldiers for the far right. It’s all tied in but I’ve never been able to articulate it quite as well as you do. Fascinating stuff for us social science students, although somewhat grim.
The best advice I ever got was from my dog and it goes like this, “live in the moment.” I don’t know that my dog worries about his thigh gap as he happily chomps down another treat. When his human returns after being away, he’s not sulky and sad, he’s off the wall happy, wagging his tail and ready for a pet. If I’m in a bad mood one day, he doesn’t remember that for a lifetime and bring it up the next time he has a bad day. He’s perfectly happy going for a run or walk or a bit of fetch no matter the day, time, or temperature; and in that same manner, he’s just as happy to snuggle on the couch and watch tv for a day, no guilt or pride in whichever the day plays out.
I’m just so tired of waking every day and not being happy with my body, my bank account, my relationships; am I doing enough, doing too much.....I just wanna eat, sleep, love and enjoy the time I have. But dear god, all the background noise!
Excellent read, thank you!!
I dunno, I could perhaps be biased because of my own negative past experiences, but I’ve always felt like churches, cults, mlm’s, and the self help industry all recruit in a similar fashion. They look for an emotional vulnerability they can lean on, hit it as hard as they can, and then offer you both a solution and a community. The thought of a solution to your problems draws you in, and then the community traps you. It’s hard to pull yourself away from something when it feels like your whole life is wrapped up in it.
And don’t get me wrong -- I have a whole mess of practices I follow to get myself through the day. I have six different tarot decks, various oracle cards, and more crystals than I can probably justify. I spent a year doing yoga every single morning at 5am, with a former playboy bunny turned off-the-grid hippie. I’ve done weekly barre classes. I’ve stopped by more churches than I can count. I’ve tried journaling, too many diets to name, and CBT. The only thing I’ve ever been able to conclude is that ... if it makes you feel good, and it’s not doing anyone any harm ... why not?
It’s just that once self improvement crosses into the sphere of commercialism it literally profits off our insecurities. It’s not in any self help guru’s best interest for us to be fully comfortable with ourselves, because then there’s nothing to improve, and we won’t cough up money. And unfortunately we’re all insecure by nature, so it’s easy to fall victim.
This very much hit a nerve - not so much the current self-help literature (although I did listen to the audio version of the Subtle Art of not giving a Fuck [banal to the point of a lullaby which was problematic as we listened on a road trip] & have tried and failed on my fair share of das diets) as “The Instructions of Shuruppak”.
As the owner of two miniature donkey boys (in spe, they’ll arrive in May), I feel like I should get deeply into that ancient tome of wisdom. Shame I’ll have to insert my own words into the ??? - could be an interesting journey testing out different variations with the donkeys. “If you feed a donkey weed, it will smoke another donkey?” 🤣
Awesome work as usual Josh, can’t wait to read your exploits!
i love everything about this
The ability to truly connect to yourself, like that person and actively look after them is the key. and all of that is achievable by you, for you, if you just give yourself some time and space to think. but noone makes any money based on that idea- so we must keep selling the dream of something external being the solution.
my plan has always been to write a book around this, that is actually helpful, and somehow free
obviously im too busy with my dieting, F45 and cooking meals i just take photos of for instagram to have done this yet- but one day!!!
good luck Josh, if you just have a positive mind set and some morning protein powder and kale, you cannot fail
i believe in you
Yes, it's wrong to mock those who are trying to improve themselves but it's well and good to truly interrogate those who are selling it to us because they are so often, deeply sick themselves. This is why I adore the Apple TV show, Physical (which is about a woman with an eating disorder so if that triggers you in any way, please stop reading this and stay away from the show). The main character is in the throes of an eating disorder (being highly restrictive in her food intake with occasional binges where she purges afterwards) and she wanders into an aerobics class and gets hooked. She gets so hooked that she builds her own aerobics empire (not a spoiler, the show's first scene establishes that she does successfully establish her business). She is also deeply unwell and suffering from a lot of family trauma which mirrors Jane Fonda's own experience with building her aerobics business, she was also dealing with an eating disorder (which started long before she went into aerobics) and she didn't disclose this until years later. She was sick and trying to help other people become better. I try to stay away from self improvement for my own sanity since I don't deal well with failure at all (I don't even do New Year's resolutions) I truly believe that the only safe form of self improvement involves therapy with a licensed professional and possibly an actual psychiatrist. There are too many scams out there and too many unwell people who are trying to get better by selling you something that hasn't even worked for them.
Also, me again. I have been involved in some of the wellness world a bit and here is how it sometimes goes:
1. You're very special
2. Your'e also fucked
3. Only I can fix you. Give me your money
Bastard part about it is I suspected that all along! I know I am special! I have a special destiny! I am different! I am socially awkward but nevertheless terribly interesting! And fucked, yeah, I know that too! So wow this wellness influencer/grifter knows me so well and this confirms what a special little starseed I am! Of course they can have my money! Dammit, I gave them all my money....
Good article. I have breathed in deeply, read my horoscope, taken a few drugs and now feel mindfully stoic enough to give self improvement claptrap a big swerve
These MLM are all blinded by the faith in their beliefs and something that will never eventuate.
Every day they tried to throw the I’m getting paid to make up half-truths about genuine get rich quick opportunities at me as well.
The other statement is they have a go at the information I provide but the honest truth of it it’s very hard to find the truth when you’re going through the latrine, trying to fine good clean facts/information about a WEWE.
I’ve done my upmost to try and stop this event happening in Christchurch. Phoned all the hotels hosting the events in AU and NZ, contacted the serious fraud office, Play my third complaint with FMA, telephoned the police to talk to the “Criminal Financial Unit” went into Christchurch Central police station. They had to do an investigation to see whether “Criminal Financial Unit” was in the building that took over one hour.
After searching upstairs he said they weren’t in today, so the constable said, as he handed me a post it note write down what do you want to talk to them about and I’ll get them to phone you on Monday!
I said don’t you know who I am?? I’m “The Crypto Ponzi Scheme Avenger” featured in New York Times been on radio New Zealand in the Otago Times and four pages in The Listener and quoted on a article produced by a true soldier David Farrier. He didn’t even know who you were David can you believe that!
They’re not up with the play, he did say there’s a lot of crime happening in Crypto at the moment I wanted to say no shit Sherlock but this is WEE WEE not shit.
Anyway other than standing outside the event with a sign looking like an idiot trying to warn people, who will be telling me I’m an idiot I think I’ve done my part causing disruption.
I’ve even been texting one of the guys that’s going to be standing on the stage “Steve Condos” he’s a bloody Australian already know for scamming people in the past, what more do you need two know about WEWE.
People who go to these events have not been in the trenches with people like me or David, we go through this shit and it gets dirty.
Mum and Dad investors will listen to their polished sales techniques and they will leave the event with doubt is it a scam or is it legit. Often these sales guys use NLP training, many of the people in the audience will keep thinking about getting rich, just like you think about imagine if I won lotto this week what would I do with the money dinner becomes a no brainer to buy a lotto ticket and that’s how they hook you in.
It’s not rocket science it’s de Hek science!
[Apologizing up front for how absurdly long this one is.]
Yeah, most of self-improvement pop culture is a grift. I think that monetizing the grift has shifted from books to influencers, the latter actually being *worse* because anyone who likes taking selfies and pointing at invisible pop-up text boxes can do it. It doesn't need to be accepted by a publisher or go through an editor.
Much like MLM, the grift targets a certain group of vulnerable people. In the case of self-help, I think it's often people with trauma. Trauma fucking *sucks* and learning to live with it while remaining functional is a long, exhausting, and arduous process. People deal with it in any number of ways. Two prominent examples:
-Modern psych has a whole bunch of methods to choose from. Cons: takes forever, variable effectiveness, fucking hurts like a bitch.
-Substance abuse ends up being a coping method for many. There's probably some good stats out there by smart people who aren't as lazy as I am. I'm sure SAHMSA has some good stuff. Cons: stigma, difficult to access treatment, can kill you.
So maybe people who haven't found success going the traditional route and, understandably, want to avoid the drugs and alcohol, have found the secret third thing: the self-help market.
Here's a way you can actively take positive steps to improve or even reinvent yourself! I can see the appeal. I think that you will find a ton of these people in the categories you listed in the article. It's part and parcel with the toxic positivity game.
I've observed people I know fall into this crap. I'll briefly describe one example from my life because it has pretty decent reliability (like in research terms): My sister and are two years apart and were always close. As such, we grew up in the same household, have had many of the same experiences, and have gone through much of the same trauma (that's the "reliability" part). Specifically, our family started going through some pretty horrific stuff around 2015. At first, she and I stuck close together in dealing with it all, but eventually our paths diverged.
Hers veered sharply into self-help/toxic positivity territory. She's now a "certified" life coach (the " " because there are not any accredited licensing bodies). Recently, she's started training to be a yoga instructor. Yoga has a lot of evidence-based advantages! I think it can be a great activity. But making it part of your identity, that's the part that's the self-help delusion.
So has this self-help thing worked for her? I mean, in some ways, I guess...she's doing really well in her career. But it also made her into this weird sort of zen robot that acts nothing like my real sister did. It's disconcerting, frankly. So self-help isn't *really* helping; it's just giving you things to do that seem really healthy...but it is just another type of protective shell into which our battered selves can retreat.
I know David always tells me it's fine, but this really *is* too long. =\ I edited it down some, though! Anybody who read all of it...thanks, I dig you.
Thanks for the great insights and brain fodder, Josh!