Oh good! Itβs been giving me the ick ever since I read it! And from what the comments here say, you gave us a very dialled down version! Love your work David! Thanks for keeping yourself accountable too π
Hi David, I think you can actually remove that line altogether - the rest of your article cleary makes your point. It would be enough to say that the media has been reporting very specific and explicit details related to how the children died and the steps their mother took when killing them.
I am planning on doing some research into the reporting requirements for suicide and then starting a petition to have the same rules applied to deaths by murder/manslaughter and accident. There is no societal benefit to unemotionally detailing someone's worst (and last) living moments in the public domain.
Overnight Iβve had probably 80 emails and messages from mums who had PND and/or psychosis who have been retraumatised by the appalling coverage of this case. We have an alarmingly high rate of maternal suicide in this country and suicide in the first five years after a woman becomes a mother. It is not enough for MSM to just chuck a helpline above coverage and expect thatβs enough. The NZ public also does not really understand how trails work - the crown is not objective and the first lot of information you read is their case which the Defence will then respond to. This context is lost. But itβs also introducing and reinforcing harmful misinformation about post natal mental health in a country that already has an appalling stigma. I have no way to help all of the mothers coming to me.
Yes! The trickle effect of this coverage is huge on a personal level for so many mums. I've not received nearly at many emails as you have, but with intense triggers myself, being contacted by others who felt the same way has kept us on the roller coaster even after it's gone.. it lingers and there is little to no help out there. Not only for new mums in a current trauma state, but those of us still suffering from PTSD years after the event.
When will mothers and birthing people be prioritised and cared for? We are the only ones who keep the planet going after all.. Is the job done once pepi is out? Is that it? Unless it all goes horribly wrong as in this case then it becomes popcorn entertainment? It just makes me sick.
After accidentally reading a Stuff story that contained the details of how she did it - which gave me a panic attack - I find myself absolutely glued to the trial live-blog and I don't want to be. I find myself feeling a combination of mounting horror and empathy for the mother who'd clearly been at the end of her type for years. As a mother with depression and anxiety and who's also been living through the global pandemic with small children I really see some of my own frustrations reflected in some of her texts, which is frightening, so then I feel a rush to distance myself from that, other her, say "I'm not that bad". Othering other mothers is often how we find peace with ourselves and our own struggles. And look where that has gotten us, as a whole. There are no easy answers here. This is an appalling human tragedy.
Make me number 81. All the news has been sooooo triggering. It's alarmingly relatable that mothers story which is seriously scary. I love my children a million times over but the immense unrelenting stress and ptsd of childbirth left me so fragile and my brain wasn't right just like hers wasn't. I'm better now as could ask for help but it's not that way for everyone as their tragic story proves.
This trial says more about modern motherhood than anything else. Mothers are isolated and bombarded with crap messaging. Motherhood and mothers are treated appalingly in this country
I think also in her country, where wealthy white women play more traditional gender roles and the husband, while appearing to do his best, just didn't really grasp how bad it was - clearly she was in a really bad way for a really long time, and that was like a prison for her despite all her privilege.
Thank you for writing this. Iβve been really disgusted by the state of the reporting around the case with the mother and her daughters. In what world is it in the public interest to have a live feed of information of what is being said in court? What she did was hideous, but sheβs not a danger to anyone else. Why do we need to hear about it in such excruciating detail? Itβs foul. Our media really needs to stop chasing the sensational and think about whatβs really in the public interest here.
It's bone-chilling. After reading the Stuff article last night I was so unsettled, almost to the point of being physically ill. If NZ courts can issue suppression orders to protect the identity of pedophiles and serial rapists than they should issue suppression orders to protect the victims of horrific crimes. The memories of both the teenager and the three young girls deserve better.
I read it yesterday, not expecting the methods used to be so vividly written (it got worse than what David has written here) and felt so sad for the rest of the day. Until I could get home and give my daughter the biggest hug.
I had postnatal depression, but luckily I was taken seriously and I got the help I needed. Instead of using this story to highlight the need for better mental health resources and checks on mothers in vulnerable positions, it's been used for shock and clicks.
Right. Itβs horrendous what she did but itβs extreme mental illness and an extreme and rare but well-documented consequence of untreated PND. This case deserved name and detail suppression in my opinion.
There's a piece of advice which I understand is grounded in good neuroscience, that I'd like to pass on to my fellow webworms. I heard it from someone who does content moderation, and is therefore exposed to the very worst bits of the internet.
If you accidentally see something upsetting or traumatising on line, immediately go and play something like Tetris for a bit. It essentially inhibits the formation of long term intrusive memories. Think of it as first aid for your mental health.
I wonder whether doing Sudoku can have a similar effect - I do one or two every night last thing before going to sleep, to "cleanse" my mind of pernicious thoughts, or the troubling film I've watched, or ruminating on problems I may be having when awake - and it works brilliantly as I sleep quickly and untarnished. I guess it's activating a different part of my brain, one that's not led by emotion?
Absolutely agree on the coverage...and realise that I avoid most of it. But my other thought on the current terrible case is that it shouldnβt have been put to a jury at all. What they are being asked to decide on is a medical matter. This should be decided in a closed court with trained professionals deciding based upon the definition and nuances of mental incapacity. There is no who dunnit, no probability analysis is required. Bizarre and totally unreasonable to expect βordinary kiwisβ to determine this. As an added bonus, closed court would have avoided the lurid consequences.
Jul 19, 2023Β·edited Jul 19, 2023Liked by David Farrier
I find the tv news unwatchable and I limit what I read online. Which is a big change from when I spent 10 years working 10-12 hour shifts in one of NZs biggest newsrooms. I would watch our bulletins, tv3s bulletins, listen every hour to rnz and zb.
In that time I went from a βnormalβ weight of around 70kg to more than double that.
I blamed myself- weak, disgusting, a poor excuse as a human to become so fat.
It took a lot of therapy to realise you canβt take in the enormous negativity you see on that scale over that length of time and not suffer consequences. As a journalist, I often saw things that would not be put to air because of their gruesomeness.
I understand Iβm extremely privileged now that I can turn off the news and not think about a lot of things. Iβve also had to limit my interactions with Facebook, Instagram and twitter.
information is biased, people are biased, often based on fear, and the news makes it more so. It always has but now we have easier access and more manipulative sources.
Newsrooms are extremely dysfunctional places, and worse, many of their people donβt know it/canβt see it.
You canβt change the news or media organisations. Only you. But itβs important to also help people understand this type of coverage isnβt normal. Itβs really abnormal and devoid of compassion.
What is spooky is you commenting on exactly what I was thinking this morning when seeing another report about the Dickason murder case.
I realise that there is a court case that needs to be carried out and justice needs to be seen to be done, but I also could not figure out why we needed to know every step of the court proceedings when weβre not personally connected to it.
I had no idea about how the children been killed until I read your post, I wish I hadnβt. Thatβs not a criticism, but exactly why I feel itβs unnecessary for us to be hearing every single detail of every crime that happens here, or anywhere.
Sadly, I donβt think anything will change. Otherwise, the Herald wouldβve closed down years agoβ¦
The fact that Stuff thinks live-streaming a murder trial is ok really disgusts me. Itβs completely unnecessary. That poor family has been through enough.
David if you haven't already read it, grab a copy of Ben Elton's novel "Blind Faith" about a society that live streams everything. Also his novel "Popcorn" about a world addicted to murder. They're both pertinent.
Heads up that his books are social commentaries disguised as black comedy, so don't read them if you're feeling depressed!
Only thing that should ever be live streamed is Eurovision, I reckon. Or maybe that time when your mate watches bridgerton with their Nan without realising.
Theyβre definitely going full-noise with the live streams right now. Does everything actually ~need~ to be live-streamed? Wouldnβt a wee summary of facts once all the info is out there be enough?? I donβt get it.
God even with the content warning that was far more horrific to read than I expected. No one needs to know that level of detail, particularly in regards to children - who donβt deserve to be remembered that way after death by the entire bloody country (or world as it would seem).
Just as there are limitations on not reporting details of people who died by suicide, so there should be with children who are murdered IMO
Had the same thoughts yesterday when attempting the article about the trial. After a couple of paragraphs I stopped and thought that I really donβt need to know any more about a lady having a serious mental collapse. It just seemed all wrong to be reading about someoneβs anguish to that extent. Will maybe look at the verdict but thatβs enough for me.
Yes i had mixed feelings too. I think itβs because we are watching them portray what is the worst consequence to untreated mental illness as just an βevil motherββ¦ anyone whoβs been through serious mental health issues or psychosis would feel pity for her too.
Stuff has been going that way for a long time. As a mum of twin girls aged 2 it's particularly hellish reading the court case information. Post partum with twins is next level. But the way it is being reported is too graphic. I was really surprised there was a live feed for it. It's very Mail esque. Separately - Stuff also seems to be on a Tory Whanau witch hunt at the moment, every week there seems to be nonsense article about her. Today's one was about her dog being in the council building. I see they've also reported about Dan Wootton, but it's buried on their entertainment page.
We were talking about this in relation to the reporting on the Whakaari trial. The (re) coverage of the suffering and injuries of the victims of the tragedy seemed unnecessarily sensational when the court is considering potential breaches of health & safety law.
Iβve read alot of news in the last few days. I fell off a skateboard and broke my hip. The nz health system was bloody amazing. Hip fixed next morning, would have been that night but they needed a few tests. Kind nurses, health care assistants, physio. No out of pocket expenses for me and acc will cover my income for 6 weeks or longer if needed. Anyway I was on a lot of drugs and couldnβt read a book in hospital. So I read the news. What a fucking mistake. The child murder trial had me completely sucked in. And my brain being a little psycho I kept comparing my parenting to make sure Iβm not at risk of murdering my kids. I realised this was not a good mental state to put myself in and have not opened a news app today and considered deleting them.
Note: I have since edited down my own one-sentence retelling after falling into my own catch-22 trap.
Oh good! Itβs been giving me the ick ever since I read it! And from what the comments here say, you gave us a very dialled down version! Love your work David! Thanks for keeping yourself accountable too π
Hi David, I think you can actually remove that line altogether - the rest of your article cleary makes your point. It would be enough to say that the media has been reporting very specific and explicit details related to how the children died and the steps their mother took when killing them.
I am planning on doing some research into the reporting requirements for suicide and then starting a petition to have the same rules applied to deaths by murder/manslaughter and accident. There is no societal benefit to unemotionally detailing someone's worst (and last) living moments in the public domain.
Oh, itβs very much gone!
Would you be okay with me using some of the comments you've made in your article as part of the petition? Your wording is spot-on.
Of course! Thanks for asking.
Overnight Iβve had probably 80 emails and messages from mums who had PND and/or psychosis who have been retraumatised by the appalling coverage of this case. We have an alarmingly high rate of maternal suicide in this country and suicide in the first five years after a woman becomes a mother. It is not enough for MSM to just chuck a helpline above coverage and expect thatβs enough. The NZ public also does not really understand how trails work - the crown is not objective and the first lot of information you read is their case which the Defence will then respond to. This context is lost. But itβs also introducing and reinforcing harmful misinformation about post natal mental health in a country that already has an appalling stigma. I have no way to help all of the mothers coming to me.
Emily - thanks for this. I've sent it to a few close friends in newsrooms who are battling this stuff. THANK YOU.
It's just striking to me how different they treat this compared to someone who does take their own life...
Oh Emily that is so heartbreaking. You must feel absolutely bereft. I wish we had real resources those people could access π’
Yes! The trickle effect of this coverage is huge on a personal level for so many mums. I've not received nearly at many emails as you have, but with intense triggers myself, being contacted by others who felt the same way has kept us on the roller coaster even after it's gone.. it lingers and there is little to no help out there. Not only for new mums in a current trauma state, but those of us still suffering from PTSD years after the event.
When will mothers and birthing people be prioritised and cared for? We are the only ones who keep the planet going after all.. Is the job done once pepi is out? Is that it? Unless it all goes horribly wrong as in this case then it becomes popcorn entertainment? It just makes me sick.
Bless you Emily. Xx
After accidentally reading a Stuff story that contained the details of how she did it - which gave me a panic attack - I find myself absolutely glued to the trial live-blog and I don't want to be. I find myself feeling a combination of mounting horror and empathy for the mother who'd clearly been at the end of her type for years. As a mother with depression and anxiety and who's also been living through the global pandemic with small children I really see some of my own frustrations reflected in some of her texts, which is frightening, so then I feel a rush to distance myself from that, other her, say "I'm not that bad". Othering other mothers is often how we find peace with ourselves and our own struggles. And look where that has gotten us, as a whole. There are no easy answers here. This is an appalling human tragedy.
Make me number 81. All the news has been sooooo triggering. It's alarmingly relatable that mothers story which is seriously scary. I love my children a million times over but the immense unrelenting stress and ptsd of childbirth left me so fragile and my brain wasn't right just like hers wasn't. I'm better now as could ask for help but it's not that way for everyone as their tragic story proves.
Nailed it mate. Myself also.
This trial says more about modern motherhood than anything else. Mothers are isolated and bombarded with crap messaging. Motherhood and mothers are treated appalingly in this country
I think also in her country, where wealthy white women play more traditional gender roles and the husband, while appearing to do his best, just didn't really grasp how bad it was - clearly she was in a really bad way for a really long time, and that was like a prison for her despite all her privilege.
Please mention Mothers Helpers to them. We have free clinical and therapeutic support available: www.mothershelpers.co.nz
Thank you for writing this. Iβve been really disgusted by the state of the reporting around the case with the mother and her daughters. In what world is it in the public interest to have a live feed of information of what is being said in court? What she did was hideous, but sheβs not a danger to anyone else. Why do we need to hear about it in such excruciating detail? Itβs foul. Our media really needs to stop chasing the sensational and think about whatβs really in the public interest here.
It's bone-chilling. After reading the Stuff article last night I was so unsettled, almost to the point of being physically ill. If NZ courts can issue suppression orders to protect the identity of pedophiles and serial rapists than they should issue suppression orders to protect the victims of horrific crimes. The memories of both the teenager and the three young girls deserve better.
Exactly this!
I read it yesterday, not expecting the methods used to be so vividly written (it got worse than what David has written here) and felt so sad for the rest of the day. Until I could get home and give my daughter the biggest hug.
I had postnatal depression, but luckily I was taken seriously and I got the help I needed. Instead of using this story to highlight the need for better mental health resources and checks on mothers in vulnerable positions, it's been used for shock and clicks.
I have edited that line out of my piece actually - I should not have even had that in there.
Many thanks Charlotte.
Right. Itβs horrendous what she did but itβs extreme mental illness and an extreme and rare but well-documented consequence of untreated PND. This case deserved name and detail suppression in my opinion.
There's a piece of advice which I understand is grounded in good neuroscience, that I'd like to pass on to my fellow webworms. I heard it from someone who does content moderation, and is therefore exposed to the very worst bits of the internet.
If you accidentally see something upsetting or traumatising on line, immediately go and play something like Tetris for a bit. It essentially inhibits the formation of long term intrusive memories. Think of it as first aid for your mental health.
https://www.ox.ac.uk/news/2017-03-28-tetris-used-prevent-post-traumatic-stress-symptoms
You fucking rock.
How dare you call Sara an effin' rock.
;-)
I wonder whether doing Sudoku can have a similar effect - I do one or two every night last thing before going to sleep, to "cleanse" my mind of pernicious thoughts, or the troubling film I've watched, or ruminating on problems I may be having when awake - and it works brilliantly as I sleep quickly and untarnished. I guess it's activating a different part of my brain, one that's not led by emotion?
Thank you!
My terminally online partner does this too and it did seem to help keep the nightmares at bay
Absolutely agree on the coverage...and realise that I avoid most of it. But my other thought on the current terrible case is that it shouldnβt have been put to a jury at all. What they are being asked to decide on is a medical matter. This should be decided in a closed court with trained professionals deciding based upon the definition and nuances of mental incapacity. There is no who dunnit, no probability analysis is required. Bizarre and totally unreasonable to expect βordinary kiwisβ to determine this. As an added bonus, closed court would have avoided the lurid consequences.
YES.
This!
Also all details were out before the trial, doesnβt that influence the jury?
I find the tv news unwatchable and I limit what I read online. Which is a big change from when I spent 10 years working 10-12 hour shifts in one of NZs biggest newsrooms. I would watch our bulletins, tv3s bulletins, listen every hour to rnz and zb.
In that time I went from a βnormalβ weight of around 70kg to more than double that.
I blamed myself- weak, disgusting, a poor excuse as a human to become so fat.
It took a lot of therapy to realise you canβt take in the enormous negativity you see on that scale over that length of time and not suffer consequences. As a journalist, I often saw things that would not be put to air because of their gruesomeness.
I understand Iβm extremely privileged now that I can turn off the news and not think about a lot of things. Iβve also had to limit my interactions with Facebook, Instagram and twitter.
information is biased, people are biased, often based on fear, and the news makes it more so. It always has but now we have easier access and more manipulative sources.
Newsrooms are extremely dysfunctional places, and worse, many of their people donβt know it/canβt see it.
You canβt change the news or media organisations. Only you. But itβs important to also help people understand this type of coverage isnβt normal. Itβs really abnormal and devoid of compassion.
Very well said and understandable how a diet of toxic and upsetting news would make you feel deeply unwell.
We are all suffering it with 24/7 news cycle and the most awful stuff hitting the top headlines.
Well said.
My thoughts precisely. And I'm not in the msm, just someone who watches/listens, until no more...
Well put.
What is spooky is you commenting on exactly what I was thinking this morning when seeing another report about the Dickason murder case.
I realise that there is a court case that needs to be carried out and justice needs to be seen to be done, but I also could not figure out why we needed to know every step of the court proceedings when weβre not personally connected to it.
I had no idea about how the children been killed until I read your post, I wish I hadnβt. Thatβs not a criticism, but exactly why I feel itβs unnecessary for us to be hearing every single detail of every crime that happens here, or anywhere.
Sadly, I donβt think anything will change. Otherwise, the Herald wouldβve closed down years agoβ¦
I edited that detail out - it was a fuckup on my behalf. One sentence too many.
My apologies. Really.
The catch-22 got me.
I didn't know that detail either and I wish I still didn't π
The fact that Stuff thinks live-streaming a murder trial is ok really disgusts me. Itβs completely unnecessary. That poor family has been through enough.
The live-streaming stuff that Stuff is doing in general is kinda strange. And live-streaming of this trial utterly idiotic imo.
Actually, not even my opinion - just objectively idiotic.
David if you haven't already read it, grab a copy of Ben Elton's novel "Blind Faith" about a society that live streams everything. Also his novel "Popcorn" about a world addicted to murder. They're both pertinent.
Heads up that his books are social commentaries disguised as black comedy, so don't read them if you're feeling depressed!
Only thing that should ever be live streamed is Eurovision, I reckon. Or maybe that time when your mate watches bridgerton with their Nan without realising.
Theyβre definitely going full-noise with the live streams right now. Does everything actually ~need~ to be live-streamed? Wouldnβt a wee summary of facts once all the info is out there be enough?? I donβt get it.
Yes, I really don't know what they are trying to achieve with this, other than clicks, and they really should do better than this
God even with the content warning that was far more horrific to read than I expected. No one needs to know that level of detail, particularly in regards to children - who donβt deserve to be remembered that way after death by the entire bloody country (or world as it would seem).
Just as there are limitations on not reporting details of people who died by suicide, so there should be with children who are murdered IMO
I edited that line out of my piece - the catch-22 got me. Entirely on me.
All good David, my criticism was of that information being reported by the media in the first place, I understand what you were trying to achieve.
Had the same thoughts yesterday when attempting the article about the trial. After a couple of paragraphs I stopped and thought that I really donβt need to know any more about a lady having a serious mental collapse. It just seemed all wrong to be reading about someoneβs anguish to that extent. Will maybe look at the verdict but thatβs enough for me.
I am with you entirely.
Yes i had mixed feelings too. I think itβs because we are watching them portray what is the worst consequence to untreated mental illness as just an βevil motherββ¦ anyone whoβs been through serious mental health issues or psychosis would feel pity for her too.
This tragedy does not need the details disclosed. It is enough knowing that 3 little kids died and lives all around this have been ruined.
Stuff has been going that way for a long time. As a mum of twin girls aged 2 it's particularly hellish reading the court case information. Post partum with twins is next level. But the way it is being reported is too graphic. I was really surprised there was a live feed for it. It's very Mail esque. Separately - Stuff also seems to be on a Tory Whanau witch hunt at the moment, every week there seems to be nonsense article about her. Today's one was about her dog being in the council building. I see they've also reported about Dan Wootton, but it's buried on their entertainment page.
Exactly how I was feeling about Tory- as an aside ffs anyone who has seen a picture of that delicious dog and then complains about it is sub-human
Dan Wootton - nightmare human. So gross.
We were talking about this in relation to the reporting on the Whakaari trial. The (re) coverage of the suffering and injuries of the victims of the tragedy seemed unnecessarily sensational when the court is considering potential breaches of health & safety law.
Iβve read alot of news in the last few days. I fell off a skateboard and broke my hip. The nz health system was bloody amazing. Hip fixed next morning, would have been that night but they needed a few tests. Kind nurses, health care assistants, physio. No out of pocket expenses for me and acc will cover my income for 6 weeks or longer if needed. Anyway I was on a lot of drugs and couldnβt read a book in hospital. So I read the news. What a fucking mistake. The child murder trial had me completely sucked in. And my brain being a little psycho I kept comparing my parenting to make sure Iβm not at risk of murdering my kids. I realised this was not a good mental state to put myself in and have not opened a news app today and considered deleting them.