There’s a slogan I love in AA that is, Just for today. All we really have is what is in front of us which is now. Tomorrow isn’t here and the past is behind us. So today, I choose to be present by being a good human being.
This world has a lot of bad in it, but there is so much good. This community has shown me that. The empathy here is amazing. The community as a whole has been welcoming and we can talk and share and have an actual conversation without getting angry and becoming aggressive and hostile. That’s a beautiful thing.
And even though this world seems like a dumpster fire most of the time, I will say that km thankful for the good people still out there in this world being an example of living life and not letting the bad consume them.
Also, 36k can buy a lot of McDonalds burgers. It had to be tempting for you.
I do often break money down into how many McD's cheeseburgers it can get you - but in this case it slipped my mind. We did have a $1 cheeseburger day recently - so yeah, the mind boggles.
I watched the Bassem Youssef piece the other day...he brilliantly dealt with Miers Porgan (can't even bring myself to reference him correctly). Once again, thank you for being a spotlight on things that matter, and being so compassionate. My family and I have been through the wringer lately and the top thing keeping us all going is kindness. I wish it were the guiding principle for everything, everyone, everywhere.
I'd managed to wipe from my mind what a toad that Miers Porgan is. He just made himself look even worse than I'd remembered. I'd never heard of Bassem Youssef before, but he is amazing.
S. As a fellow sufferer of fibromyalgia my heart goes out to you. I too, thought about walking into oncoming traffic for a couple of years there...when I was first diagnosed. I am now on LDN which has helped heaps but is ridiculously expensive.. At least I'm able to work again part time so basicallyi I work to pay for the meds and not much more. Feel free to get in touch if you ever need to vent or swap ideas on remedies and relief. I understand how hatdl it is to live with constant pain and fatigue. Hang in there.
Oct 23, 2023·edited Oct 23, 2023Liked by David Farrier
Adding on to say hey from a fellow fibromite. We are all kvetching on reddit, if you want to join.
Also, S, dont let anyone make you feel guilty about the pups. I know that for me personally, without my baby girl my depression would be 100x worse. She eats so much better than I do, and it makes me happy to see her content. Have you checked out the NZ brand Kiwi Kitchens? I occasionally find it here in california and my dog goes apeshit for it. I'd love to donate a case for your pups from my pup if you're open to it. :)
Very happy to start a go fund me or some sort of similar donation system to help “S”. I know you mentioned they’re tough as nails, David, and don’t seem interested in help, but even a little boost could help. With holidays coming up it could be a nice gift or bonus to offset some of those extra expenses that creep up during the gift giving season. Best to S. God life in our capitalist culture can be such a racket
Came here to say this too - something about mutual aid being the cure for our capitalist hellscape. What if we set up a fund that people could “apply” to (and when I say apply I mean just ask), and others who can, contribute? I offer to administer it so it’s not something additional you have to do David.
Hey Kylie - this is super kind. And something to ponder - especially as I've been pondering JJW's column on mutual aid (https://www.webworm.co/p/hypercapitalism).
In this very immediate case - I have offered help and am in direct touch. And I am currently in a position where I *can* help, and will if needed.
As to the future of 'worms that need help, I will ponder this and how it would work. Some kind of "relief" fund. The idea of admin and figuring out who gets what does my head in - and it's something I need to think about. Or maybe it's much simpler than my brain makes it!
Anyway - I am pondering. Any ideas feel free to drop me an email too: davidfarrier@protonmail.com. If I am delayed in getting back do not fret - just up to my neck in some early-stage documentary work!
Yes! I came on here to see if anyone had started talking about mutual aid. I love the "wake up and keep doing good" message. I also love that there were some people talking about what they could do with tax cuts they don't need. One of the suggestions mentioned food banks, and I've been thinking about it a lot. I've been thinking about my friends who have not been able to afford the basics of survival, but the food banks are full of food that's unfamiliar to them. One friend struggled to eat because they were left feeling so undeserving. Also, maybe food isn't what would help most. Maybe it would be a Webworm sub, or a club membership or music or gender affirming healthcare, or swimming lessons for the kids. Whatever makes life worth living and enables them to fully participate in society. I'm shit at admin but love the idea of mutual aid, as long as we explore how to make it actually mutual. I also want to think about what we can do to support things that undermine the N/ACT/NF agenda. Maybe giving our tax cuts, or time/other support to Te Tiriti education or benefit rights advocates or climate justice, or trans support organisations... what else? I'd love to connect with others to support each other and share ideas and talk about what we're doing to create change.
The N/Act/NZF comedians have been saying people voted for a change, but reablly it seems to me that they voted to stop change. Changes to inequality and social injustice that the left have been working on. We just have to keep making a noise.
I'll donate when I am able to, I trust the money would actually get to those who help. I don't feel comfortable donating to big charities. Unless anyone knows an existing charity that isn't just a big tax dodge, isn't any kind of phobic and where the most of the money goes to the actual person in need at the other end
Tautoko! Especially a fund to feed the dogs & vet expenses MIGHT be acceptable to S - even if we are stubborn about managing, we don't like animals to have to go without eh? Goes without saying if you are also managing complex health issues, having loving and beloved canine companions is medicine in and of itself.
Thanks for all of this. I am in direct touch and in a position to help if needed - but I will keep this firmly in mind.
I do like the idea of a kind of mutual aid fund, and now that would work. I mean, when people contribute to Webworm some of that does go into the kitty for legal fees and so on, so maybe there's a world where that also helps other worms who need it.
You're super kind - and I do have this noted down if she changes her mind. Having some stability in my life with Webworm and Flightless Bird, I am able to directly help and have offered. And you're already a part of that - so thank you.
I'd really like to contribute something towards the dogs' vet care and food. If they won't accept it for themselves, maybe they'd accept something to fund the dogs' costs.. (which essentially frees up dollars for their living costs).
Ditto. When I skim read your first comment Kylie I read “our ‘cape’ to capitalist hellscape.” Eg it can be our collective WebWorm Super power. 🦸♂️ Great idea. We all need something collective to get behind and they say that volunteering benefits all involved. So this could be ‘virtual volunteering’ if you will. Great idea and happy to help. Worms are the best.
I know you didn’t do any of that to be told how great you are (and the kiwi in you will shrink away from being told so) - but HOW great of you to do that for people. Making this life slightly easier for other people is what it’s all about. Happy to be here with this community.
I wanna thank S for being so candid...that's such a vulnerable thing to do. But my life circumstances are fairly similar, and while it certainly doesn't make me feel better to hear that others are having it rough...I don't know, I guess it just feels extra important these days not to feel Alone. S, I can't imagine how much your dogs' welfare must weigh on your heart every day. Love to all of you.
Re: Palestine, I have seen some of the downright most evil, hateful words from around social media and even msm, but one of the best statements I read came from Macklemore. Yes, that guy, see for yourselves - https://www.instagram.com/p/CymIVfyygGv
I'm really grateful for anybody who is able to be eloquent about any of this rn, who can make the world seem a little bit sane.
I think there is no other way to live than to wake up and keep trying to do good and I love having a “family” here that feels the same. Makes me not want to even bother with other places where people can comment on things.
You have such a kind and caring heart. I keep coming back to the quote by Martin Luther King Jr. "Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that."
We'll keep waking up and doing good - spreading love and light. It's the only way. It's all we can do. Even with all of this pain happening in the world, I truly believe there are more people who are good and kind and just want to live in peace. We all just have to fight back with love. We need to keep loving each other, even those who believe different things to us. We have to be open to listening and learning from each other and sometimes agreeing to disagree but disagreeing doesn't have to lead to hate or pain. Love and light to you and everyone here. 💜
Thanks for that David, a good read. This morning I wrote along a similar theme but specifically about left wing supporters on this Labour Day down here in New Zealand. It's a free one if anyone would like to take a look: https://nickrockel.substack.com/p/labour-day-2023
Dear David, keep up the good work, we need you and your kind, kind being the operative word.
Here's a story that might cheer you up.
My lovely daughter who has Down syndrome moved town about 4 years ago because I am ancient and I needed to know she is able to live independently, The idea of an institution was anathema to us, she's smart and doesn't accept being told what to do, She moved in with her best buddy also with Down's. Originally they were paying $480 a week rent for a miserable old house and struggled to pay transport, power, groceries etc.Her older sister set her up with furniture etc,then disaster; the house was to be sold, few rentals in that town,
The lucky angel smiled on them.
Daughter (M) took herself to the local social housing agency ( who said there were 400 on waiting list) pleaded her cause without an outside support and got accepted for a decent 2 bed unit.rent 1/4 of weekly benefit
Now she has more money in her current account than I do. She is scrupulous in paying bills and passing 3 monthly inspections.
She would love to have a paid job but manages to keep busy with weekly swimming and craft.
I couldn't be prouder of her.
Some of the locals tried to persuade her to vote National! Would you believe it? That was never an option for her and her buddy but she is concerned about where National is going to take the country.
I am very aware you were not angling for this, but I have comp'd you as any extra funds that would go here should go to an extra good prezzy for your daughter for Christmas, ok?
It's so nice to have you here. Your story proves why.
I can be a bit of a misanthrope, but I love the people that assemble here. So much realness and kindness. Like calls to like. It's bizarre to look forward to a comments section on the internet, and yet I do. Thanks for providing this space, David.
S: I am not where you are right now, but I understand so deeply. I'm also autistic, have chronic pain issues, and major depression and severe anxiety have been my constant companions for twenty-some years. I'm currently taking a break from work out of necessity. You are so, so strong to keep going. I know what it takes to battle your brain everyday...what it takes to convince yourself to keep living. It's not fair and it's exhausting, but you're doing it. Sending buckets of love to you. Hug those dogs and cling to whatever will keep you going.
On the other topic:
I've been, unfortunately, kinda waiting for Israel to go full genocide for years. It seemed inevitable. I hoped I was wrong.
None of the violence is remotely justifiable and my heart is shattered for all of the innocents.
As someone who has followed the McElroys for almost a decade, I feel very at home joining this community and seeing you foster similar values in hard times. The tweet mentioned last week, "I'm gonna wake up and keep trying to do good and so are you and nobody gets to vote on that", was posted by Justin McElroy the day after the 2016 US election, and I imagine you're feeling similarly lately to how we did then. Thank you for creating a little bubble of solace here.
I’ve definitely felt the temptation to go down a doom spiral these past couple weeks. Therapists have said the best way to counter this is to look at each thought rationally and ask yourself if things are really as bad as they seem, or if there could be any other explanations. But sometimes this just leads to more thinking, and I find a better solution is to try and stop thinking altogether. Outside distractions help. Yes life is terrible, but life is also wonderful too, otherwise we wouldn’t have anything to measure the terribleness against now would we?
As someone whose dealt with illness from both sides, my heart goes out to you S! Keep holding on to those wonderful bits as hard as you can.
Not all therapists would suggest looking at each thought rationally. Sometimes negative thoughts are rational. Sometimes things really are as bad as they seem. I like ACT therapy because it helps me stop getting caught up in my thoughts. A therapist once said to me "OK, what if things are as bad as your mind is telling you. How do you want to live your life in the midst of this? How do you want to bring up your kids." I keep coming back to that.
I think the important thing is not to get stuck in despair. Sometimes you just need to cry, and that’s good and necessary, but there’s always some little bit of good you can do, like David says. Even if that’s just smiling at someone on the street.
There’s a slogan I love in AA that is, Just for today. All we really have is what is in front of us which is now. Tomorrow isn’t here and the past is behind us. So today, I choose to be present by being a good human being.
This world has a lot of bad in it, but there is so much good. This community has shown me that. The empathy here is amazing. The community as a whole has been welcoming and we can talk and share and have an actual conversation without getting angry and becoming aggressive and hostile. That’s a beautiful thing.
And even though this world seems like a dumpster fire most of the time, I will say that km thankful for the good people still out there in this world being an example of living life and not letting the bad consume them.
Also, 36k can buy a lot of McDonalds burgers. It had to be tempting for you.
I do often break money down into how many McD's cheeseburgers it can get you - but in this case it slipped my mind. We did have a $1 cheeseburger day recently - so yeah, the mind boggles.
I didn't even think about all the McDonalds it could buy...that's brilliant! :P
I watched the Bassem Youssef piece the other day...he brilliantly dealt with Miers Porgan (can't even bring myself to reference him correctly). Once again, thank you for being a spotlight on things that matter, and being so compassionate. My family and I have been through the wringer lately and the top thing keeping us all going is kindness. I wish it were the guiding principle for everything, everyone, everywhere.
I still often wonder how Piers is still relevant after all these years of being a douche canoe to his guest.
To his (tiny) credit at least he hosted that full video over on his YouTube. That's good.
Does he always talk over people like that? It was so hard to watch
I'd managed to wipe from my mind what a toad that Miers Porgan is. He just made himself look even worse than I'd remembered. I'd never heard of Bassem Youssef before, but he is amazing.
S. As a fellow sufferer of fibromyalgia my heart goes out to you. I too, thought about walking into oncoming traffic for a couple of years there...when I was first diagnosed. I am now on LDN which has helped heaps but is ridiculously expensive.. At least I'm able to work again part time so basicallyi I work to pay for the meds and not much more. Feel free to get in touch if you ever need to vent or swap ideas on remedies and relief. I understand how hatdl it is to live with constant pain and fatigue. Hang in there.
Adding on to say hey from a fellow fibromite. We are all kvetching on reddit, if you want to join.
Also, S, dont let anyone make you feel guilty about the pups. I know that for me personally, without my baby girl my depression would be 100x worse. She eats so much better than I do, and it makes me happy to see her content. Have you checked out the NZ brand Kiwi Kitchens? I occasionally find it here in california and my dog goes apeshit for it. I'd love to donate a case for your pups from my pup if you're open to it. :)
Very happy to start a go fund me or some sort of similar donation system to help “S”. I know you mentioned they’re tough as nails, David, and don’t seem interested in help, but even a little boost could help. With holidays coming up it could be a nice gift or bonus to offset some of those extra expenses that creep up during the gift giving season. Best to S. God life in our capitalist culture can be such a racket
Agree. Maybe we don’t offer her any support at all. Not a bean. We offer it to the dogs. I feel that would be more acceptable for her xx
I've got $100 for dog food.
Have noted. If things change I will link you up!
Came here to say this too - something about mutual aid being the cure for our capitalist hellscape. What if we set up a fund that people could “apply” to (and when I say apply I mean just ask), and others who can, contribute? I offer to administer it so it’s not something additional you have to do David.
Hey Kylie - this is super kind. And something to ponder - especially as I've been pondering JJW's column on mutual aid (https://www.webworm.co/p/hypercapitalism).
In this very immediate case - I have offered help and am in direct touch. And I am currently in a position where I *can* help, and will if needed.
As to the future of 'worms that need help, I will ponder this and how it would work. Some kind of "relief" fund. The idea of admin and figuring out who gets what does my head in - and it's something I need to think about. Or maybe it's much simpler than my brain makes it!
Anyway - I am pondering. Any ideas feel free to drop me an email too: davidfarrier@protonmail.com. If I am delayed in getting back do not fret - just up to my neck in some early-stage documentary work!
Yes! I came on here to see if anyone had started talking about mutual aid. I love the "wake up and keep doing good" message. I also love that there were some people talking about what they could do with tax cuts they don't need. One of the suggestions mentioned food banks, and I've been thinking about it a lot. I've been thinking about my friends who have not been able to afford the basics of survival, but the food banks are full of food that's unfamiliar to them. One friend struggled to eat because they were left feeling so undeserving. Also, maybe food isn't what would help most. Maybe it would be a Webworm sub, or a club membership or music or gender affirming healthcare, or swimming lessons for the kids. Whatever makes life worth living and enables them to fully participate in society. I'm shit at admin but love the idea of mutual aid, as long as we explore how to make it actually mutual. I also want to think about what we can do to support things that undermine the N/ACT/NF agenda. Maybe giving our tax cuts, or time/other support to Te Tiriti education or benefit rights advocates or climate justice, or trans support organisations... what else? I'd love to connect with others to support each other and share ideas and talk about what we're doing to create change.
The N/Act/NZF comedians have been saying people voted for a change, but reablly it seems to me that they voted to stop change. Changes to inequality and social injustice that the left have been working on. We just have to keep making a noise.
I'll donate when I am able to, I trust the money would actually get to those who help. I don't feel comfortable donating to big charities. Unless anyone knows an existing charity that isn't just a big tax dodge, isn't any kind of phobic and where the most of the money goes to the actual person in need at the other end
Tautoko! Especially a fund to feed the dogs & vet expenses MIGHT be acceptable to S - even if we are stubborn about managing, we don't like animals to have to go without eh? Goes without saying if you are also managing complex health issues, having loving and beloved canine companions is medicine in and of itself.
Thanks for all of this. I am in direct touch and in a position to help if needed - but I will keep this firmly in mind.
I do like the idea of a kind of mutual aid fund, and now that would work. I mean, when people contribute to Webworm some of that does go into the kitty for legal fees and so on, so maybe there's a world where that also helps other worms who need it.
But going to keep pondering.
You're super kind - and I do have this noted down if she changes her mind. Having some stability in my life with Webworm and Flightless Bird, I am able to directly help and have offered. And you're already a part of that - so thank you.
I'd really like to contribute something towards the dogs' vet care and food. If they won't accept it for themselves, maybe they'd accept something to fund the dogs' costs.. (which essentially frees up dollars for their living costs).
Seconded! I'd be happy to help contribute ❤️❤️
Ditto. When I skim read your first comment Kylie I read “our ‘cape’ to capitalist hellscape.” Eg it can be our collective WebWorm Super power. 🦸♂️ Great idea. We all need something collective to get behind and they say that volunteering benefits all involved. So this could be ‘virtual volunteering’ if you will. Great idea and happy to help. Worms are the best.
Thank you! I have outlined a few thoughts above - and will keep pondering. This has given me very good food for thought.
I'm in!
Me too. Fund me?
I know you didn’t do any of that to be told how great you are (and the kiwi in you will shrink away from being told so) - but HOW great of you to do that for people. Making this life slightly easier for other people is what it’s all about. Happy to be here with this community.
I wanna thank S for being so candid...that's such a vulnerable thing to do. But my life circumstances are fairly similar, and while it certainly doesn't make me feel better to hear that others are having it rough...I don't know, I guess it just feels extra important these days not to feel Alone. S, I can't imagine how much your dogs' welfare must weigh on your heart every day. Love to all of you.
Re: Palestine, I have seen some of the downright most evil, hateful words from around social media and even msm, but one of the best statements I read came from Macklemore. Yes, that guy, see for yourselves - https://www.instagram.com/p/CymIVfyygGv
I'm really grateful for anybody who is able to be eloquent about any of this rn, who can make the world seem a little bit sane.
I think there is no other way to live than to wake up and keep trying to do good and I love having a “family” here that feels the same. Makes me not want to even bother with other places where people can comment on things.
So true. Instagram comments are a hellscape, this is only forum I have where I don’t dread what I’m going to find in the comments section
So true!! The comments are vile. The worst of humanity on ALL sides. Ugh. I’m this close to logging off but i’d miss seeing my kids posts 😤
You have such a kind and caring heart. I keep coming back to the quote by Martin Luther King Jr. "Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that."
We'll keep waking up and doing good - spreading love and light. It's the only way. It's all we can do. Even with all of this pain happening in the world, I truly believe there are more people who are good and kind and just want to live in peace. We all just have to fight back with love. We need to keep loving each other, even those who believe different things to us. We have to be open to listening and learning from each other and sometimes agreeing to disagree but disagreeing doesn't have to lead to hate or pain. Love and light to you and everyone here. 💜
I agree with all you say
Thanks for that David, a good read. This morning I wrote along a similar theme but specifically about left wing supporters on this Labour Day down here in New Zealand. It's a free one if anyone would like to take a look: https://nickrockel.substack.com/p/labour-day-2023
Happy Labour day to all the Kiwis out there.
Dear David, keep up the good work, we need you and your kind, kind being the operative word.
Here's a story that might cheer you up.
My lovely daughter who has Down syndrome moved town about 4 years ago because I am ancient and I needed to know she is able to live independently, The idea of an institution was anathema to us, she's smart and doesn't accept being told what to do, She moved in with her best buddy also with Down's. Originally they were paying $480 a week rent for a miserable old house and struggled to pay transport, power, groceries etc.Her older sister set her up with furniture etc,then disaster; the house was to be sold, few rentals in that town,
The lucky angel smiled on them.
Daughter (M) took herself to the local social housing agency ( who said there were 400 on waiting list) pleaded her cause without an outside support and got accepted for a decent 2 bed unit.rent 1/4 of weekly benefit
Now she has more money in her current account than I do. She is scrupulous in paying bills and passing 3 monthly inspections.
She would love to have a paid job but manages to keep busy with weekly swimming and craft.
I couldn't be prouder of her.
Some of the locals tried to persuade her to vote National! Would you believe it? That was never an option for her and her buddy but she is concerned about where National is going to take the country.
cheers K
Oh my lords, your kid! What a good kid! Fuck.
Thanks for sharing this.
I am very aware you were not angling for this, but I have comp'd you as any extra funds that would go here should go to an extra good prezzy for your daughter for Christmas, ok?
It's so nice to have you here. Your story proves why.
I can be a bit of a misanthrope, but I love the people that assemble here. So much realness and kindness. Like calls to like. It's bizarre to look forward to a comments section on the internet, and yet I do. Thanks for providing this space, David.
S: I am not where you are right now, but I understand so deeply. I'm also autistic, have chronic pain issues, and major depression and severe anxiety have been my constant companions for twenty-some years. I'm currently taking a break from work out of necessity. You are so, so strong to keep going. I know what it takes to battle your brain everyday...what it takes to convince yourself to keep living. It's not fair and it's exhausting, but you're doing it. Sending buckets of love to you. Hug those dogs and cling to whatever will keep you going.
On the other topic:
I've been, unfortunately, kinda waiting for Israel to go full genocide for years. It seemed inevitable. I hoped I was wrong.
None of the violence is remotely justifiable and my heart is shattered for all of the innocents.
The horrors persist but so do I
As someone who has followed the McElroys for almost a decade, I feel very at home joining this community and seeing you foster similar values in hard times. The tweet mentioned last week, "I'm gonna wake up and keep trying to do good and so are you and nobody gets to vote on that", was posted by Justin McElroy the day after the 2016 US election, and I imagine you're feeling similarly lately to how we did then. Thank you for creating a little bubble of solace here.
I’ve definitely felt the temptation to go down a doom spiral these past couple weeks. Therapists have said the best way to counter this is to look at each thought rationally and ask yourself if things are really as bad as they seem, or if there could be any other explanations. But sometimes this just leads to more thinking, and I find a better solution is to try and stop thinking altogether. Outside distractions help. Yes life is terrible, but life is also wonderful too, otherwise we wouldn’t have anything to measure the terribleness against now would we?
As someone whose dealt with illness from both sides, my heart goes out to you S! Keep holding on to those wonderful bits as hard as you can.
Not all therapists would suggest looking at each thought rationally. Sometimes negative thoughts are rational. Sometimes things really are as bad as they seem. I like ACT therapy because it helps me stop getting caught up in my thoughts. A therapist once said to me "OK, what if things are as bad as your mind is telling you. How do you want to live your life in the midst of this? How do you want to bring up your kids." I keep coming back to that.
Yeah, I should clarify this only something my therapists have suggested. It doesn't apply to every situation.
I think the important thing is not to get stuck in despair. Sometimes you just need to cry, and that’s good and necessary, but there’s always some little bit of good you can do, like David says. Even if that’s just smiling at someone on the street.
Emily Writes has a great summary of what you can do to help Gaza if you’re looking for an action today https://open.substack.com/pub/emilywrites/p/what-can-i-do-to-help-stop-this-genocide?utm_campaign=post&utm_medium=web
There is the Japanese concept of Kaizen which resonates with me - focus on small improvements, trying to become 1% better everyday.
Thanks for sharing S and David. The fight for humanity continues today, tomorrow and forever.
Saw this recently, 1% compounded
https://flic.kr/p/2p7Wi4U
This is awesome thanks for sharing Robin