"And, fundamentally, this technology really isn’t that exciting.
I’m sorry, it isn’t. The idea of a “super smart friend that knows everything about me” is exciting, as is the idea of automating away drudgery — spreadsheets and documents, for example. Yet, generative AI doesn’t actually do these things. Putting aside any feelings I may have, it has not changed my life, a guy who loves using technology and is willing to put hours into finding solutions to automate or mitigate problems in his life.
I don’t know a single person — I have literally never met or spoken to one — that has meaningfully changed their workflow or life as a result of generative AI outside of being able to integrate it to speed up some processes in already-existing systems.
Nothing about this was real. It’s a farce. The promises of artificial intelligence will not be kept through the pursuit of generative AI, as generative AI is a dead-end technology that has peaked, one that costs too much — both financially and socially — to keep it going.
There is no heroic story here. There are few people who are sincerely cheering for these companies to win — those who don't have a tangible financial return banking on the value of OpenAI and its related tendrils — and let's be honest, nobody really LOVES this, do they? Nobody really uses ChatGPT and has that childlike "oh shit" moment we all had with the iPhone, or sending a file using Dropbox, the times (large and small) that actually made us love technology.
There is no magic, no whimsy, no joy in any of these Large Language Models and their associated outgrowths. They're not helping anybody, yet their peddlers demand our fealty and our applause."
Ah worst movie experience, Uni Canty, Clockwork Orange, guy behind me decided to lean over and fondle my breasts, so yeah sexual assault, it happens everywhere.😠
More recently went to an inner city ‘boutique’ cinema and made the mistake of ordering a coffee. Then had to listen to the guy winge and moan about making a coffee with real milk in it! And then their manager arguing with him about it, all of which took forever so of course the movie had started by the time I got to it.
My husband doesn’t like going to the movies as most of the cinemas are grubby so really we’ve given up on the whole thing and bought a projector for home.
Also, while I agree with you in the main about generative AI I have had to change my tune over the last couple of months as it’s made a huge difference to me and my colleagues in processing huge amounts of unstructured information into useable content (I do knowledge management for a tech company). There are things that it’s very good at. But like any tool you need to use it for the right job in the right way. Whether that’s worth the cost is debatable.
The movie experience that stands out to me is going to see a festival of Aki Kaurismäki movies at MoMA approximately 1000 years ago. As a Finnish person, I find his depressing films extremely comical, so I was laughing out loud through most of the movies. NO ONE ELSE WAS. To people who are not Scandinavian, these films are very bleak and depressing. The entire theater seemed to think I was mentally ill or perhaps a serial killer (many of the films involve murder). To top it all off, I had been set up on a date (unbeknownst to me) for this festival with a guy, simply because he had once been in the Helsinki airport. Friends, I am a gay lady. It was not a love connection! Anyway the films remained amazing.
Based on the Finns that I have known from that timeframe and a 1993 segment on "60 Minutes" on Finland that opens with “This is not a state of national mourning in Finland, these are Finns in their natural state; brooding and private; grimly in touch with no one but themselves; the shyest people on earth. Depressed and proud of it.” (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kCKwe_Dp9Eg) then I would expect the dark humour to abound. For a more modern reference, I feel like the movie Sisu was still in line with that kind of mentality.
An old school friend , who I will always be fond of for getting me into Stiff Little Fingers in early 80s is part of my worst experience. Look I’ve had so many from minor to major - I even saw the movie JUICE in NYC when someone got shot outside the theatre. But I think about the school friend one more which probably makes me a psychopath of sorts. But he was buddy and it was more intimate. We went to see the Mel Brooks film The History of the World Pt1 - and it was a packed house. Bring annoying teen boys we were laughing and talking to ourselves during the trailers. The big burly biker dude in front of us turns around and menacingly whispers into my ear - so quietly that my friend doesn’t hear - “if you guys make one more fookin’ sound I’m going to smash you”
He turns back around and so that’s the moment my buddy decides to say “what did he say” at a volume I instantly knew was above rage zone.
The guy instantly stands and swivels, impressive for a large man - and punches my mate dead in the face - zoinks! - knocking him out.
I then had to sit there in dead silence in a state of pure terror while the comedy genius of Mel Brooks played on and not laughing once.
THE BEST
Just too many magical moments when it comes to cinema over the decades. A books worth. So maybe more recent : let’s go with seeing the NZ Premiere of my PG movie ‘Bookworm’ (out Aug 8 cough cough) with my kids - who were finally able to see one of my movies that didn’t feature R rated material! .
I read this before looking at who was writing it must going, "Fuck me, this is actually terrifying and can't be real" and then I saw it was you, Ant.
PS: Anyone reading this in New Zealand - please go and see Ant's film this weekend. Make it a hit. Good for the whole family, and cryptozoologically themed (the Canterbury panther). And stars Elijah Wood. BOOKWORM. Go.
My kids saw the trailer when we saw Inside Out 2 during the school holidays and said that looks cool! And I love the idea of not seeing an animated movie with them! And its a kiwi movie!
Ghostbusters 1984. The first film I ever saw in a cinema, and my dad took us kids to the Civic Theatre in Auckland to watch it. I just could not believe the magic. In the scene when the gargoyles come alive and Sigourney Weaver gets unhinged, I thought the Civic’s gold lion statues with the glowing red eyes were part of the film and that the film had come through the screen and into real life. It’s still the most powerful memory of cinema I have and I’m pretty sure it’s how I ended up as an actor. I can still feel the way it felt in my body - the slight sweat of excitement on my palms. And I feel it in my feet, which I had my right foot on top of my left and I could feel my sneaker laces pressing down onto the top of my left foot. I was five years old. Honestly it’s probably still one of the highlights of my whole life. It was pure magic.
(Too many shit movie experiences, punctuated by loud talkers and people bringing in what smelt like three course roast dinners to consume while watching. Just not going there, staying in my Ghostbusters fever dream forever.)
The original Ghostbusters was the first film I ever saw without a family member accompanying me. I was 14, supposedly staying the night at a girl friend's house but we snuck out to go to the drive-in with BOYS. We went in two vehicles, a ute and a panel-van. I can still remember that we backed both vehicles in, and opened the back doors of the shaggin' wagon and about six of us lay on a mattress in the back to watch the film. It was a double feature, I have no idea what the first movie was!! Ghostbusters was too good to miss to spend it making out with some boy with a whispy moustache and a mullet.
The last movie I went to was right before my city got locked down for the Delta outbreak. I was the only one in the moderately populated cinema wearing a mask, although masks were still mandatory. The cinema volunteer sat right behind me and ate his dinner. All that on top of previous experiences with people talking, stinky shoes up on the armrest next to me, phones, bags of chips, etc means I can't be arsed going to the cinema again.
But one of the best experiences I had was going to the same cinema to watch a Roger Waters movie back some time BC (Before Covid) and the entire packed audience was transfixed. One woman dared try opening a crackly icecream wrapper and was loudly shushed by someone over the other side of the cinema. We were all there to watch that movie, by god.
My worst movie experience was at the Bridgeway Theatre in Auckland (it is a lovely theatre and this was just an unfortunate, pre-renovation incident!) We were young teenagers, seeing a movie alone (I can’t even remember what the movie was), when 10 minutes in we noticed a foul smell. The stench of death. We just held our noses and continued to watch. At intermission a staff member came in, explained that a rat had died under the floorboards and he proceeded to spray the most potent, heavily scented toilet spray all over us. So much worse. We just sat there and ate our tangy fruits
“We just sat there and ate out tangy fruits.” This is quite possibly one of the best sentences ever written. Slight hyperbole, but I enjoyed it all the same.
Do experiences from working at a movie theatre count? Because if that’s the case then I definitely have some stories! There’s a few worst options: 1) Going to see Executive Decision with my friend Hope at the local movie theatre and the thermostat on the air con was broken. It was literally 10 degrees, I thought I was going to get hypothermia. 2) watching a staff viewing of …..maybe a James Bond movie? At the same cinema when I worked there and a friend who had been drinking was sitting next to me and suddenly puked on herself. 3) not movie watching related but the theatre I worked in had a bar attached and these 2 women disappeared giggling into the bathroom for 20 mins. When they emerged, I went in and it was a shit covered nightmare - they were apparently high and drunk and had literally smeared their shit everywhere except inside the toilet bowl. We drew straws to clean it up and my friend lost. She taped tea towels to herself like a samurai and then went straight home and showered for 2 hours. Best: getting to watch The Blair Witch project at midnight for a staff viewing and being one of the only two people who 1) wasn’t high and 2) knew that it wasn’t real. Imagine 15 people who are all stoned and also think that it’s real, leaving a movie theatre to walk home in the middle of the night. It was beyond hilarious. I had to chaperone people 😂
The high shit-spreaders is *the worst*. Adults and drugs sometimes, eh?
As for a cold movie theatre - this is extreme, but the air con in some cinemas really gets me sometimes. Sometimes I take a sweater with me, even if it's summer. Can't be freezing in the cinema!
Your 2 has my story beat. When I worked at the Classic cinema in Auckland it switched to soft porn to keep afloat financially. For a few screenings we had a phantom masturbator who would leave a used condom on the floor in the back rows. Another time someone vomited in the hand basin in the toilets.
Worst movie experience: many moons ago a girl I was dating and her family had never seen the lion king which blew my mind. I guess they were a bit sheltered? I’m not sure. They didn’t seem to have a big grasp on pop culture at all. Now then, one Friday night I downloaded it and bought it to their house on a usb stick for us all to watch. It was all off to a good start, I was wowing the father with the revelation that his television had a usb slot in the back and I could just plug it in. No dvd! Unfortunately what I mistakenly downloaded was some parent’s crowd footage of a lion king school theatre performance complete with zooming in on one kid at random times (I guess it was the camera operator’s child?). Just an awful hour of which I pretended nothing was wrong and they didn’t question it. No one mentioned anything. It was just watched in silence and then we had dinner.
Best: Twin Peaks Fire Walk With Me in a tiny cinema in Christchurch pre-earthquake. The staff gave me a prize for dressing up as Laura Palmer but I was just wearing one of those transparent plastic parkas because it was raining outside.
"PS: I am not anti-AI, I am just anti AI-bullshit hype."
Mr Farrier, have you been reading my mind?
As someone who works in Tech, the amount of FOMO around AI is stupid. It's the new buzz that everyone says will do amazing things for everyone and you need to be doing it.
In actual fact, yes it is handy for a few things for the normal Tom, Dianne and Harrison's out there. But, it isn't revolutionary for all.
One day, maybe. But in the meantime dont fall for the absolute shitshow marketing crap being forced into every orifice! (Sorry....)
In my industry it is being touted as the latest thing that will save us time, and automate our systems and make us coffee and all that. When you drill down into what it actually is, is a 20% price rise and no extra functionality that I can discern.
I describe the LLMs as the equivalent of talking to a six-year-old, who will give you very confident wrong answers, and when questioned pretend they never said that and change to something else. Those systems that are trained on a much smaller set of material can be quite useful for that specific purpose, but the large general "solve everything" types still have a good ways to go.
This generative AI stuff is fun but... game-changing? No. Not really. And the bubble around it and the people hyping it make me call BS even louder. Happy to be proven wrong, but yeah...
Best: Honestly it was watching Barbie in my local independent cinema (that I adore). The female owner was dressed head to toe in pink cowboy garb and it was just table upon table of women (and a few great men getting into the spirit) giggling, drinking wine and enjoying a film that actually punches you in the face with what it feels like to be a woman. It was pure joy.
Worst: Every single second of poor things where apparently we’re all supposed to be totally amazed at FeMINisM while watching a literal baby (but she’s hot so it’s fine) fuck her way to enlightenment. ‘But that’s the point! It’s satire!’ I hear fellow cinema watchers around me say. NO.
Worst would be having to be taken from the theatre as a child, sobbing over Watership Down. I recall back in Uni days in the mid 90s getting really high was a mate before going to see the Nicolas Cage movie The Rock at the St James, it's not a comedy, but we laughed our asses off. I remember seeing another Nicolas Cage movie Con Air in a grotty Bangkok cinema and being literally the only person in the place, that was pretty spooky. Recently seeing my son in a short movie at the Academy, under the Auckland library, was pretty special. Love those little theatres with the comfy seats and discount rates. Back in Covid times my kids dance school couldn't have an end of year show so they made a movie, filming in small groups in accordance with the rules, and hired the Hollywood in Avondale, which you know well, once we could congregate again and gave them the full red carpet treatment - that was pretty special.
The Rock has some pretty funny moments... although maybe with time that's come.
As for Watership Down - I share tears of solidarity with you! Although I would say that counts as an amazing cinema experience: Cinema is there to move us, and change us - and it did!
Oh yes, Watership Down! Heavily promoted back in the day, and many, many parents in Nelson took their kids. My older son reckons we traumatised him for life!
The best - as a child seeing the original Bladerunner projected onto a sheet in a garden in Tonga, all us kids sitting around on wooden benches- talk about the transformative experience of cinema.
The worst - Tim Burton's Charlie and the Chocolate Factory on IMAX, felt much like being trapped in an MRI on psilocybin might feel, I imagine.
I love this. A movie doesn't have to be an amazing projection or in the latest theatre - it can be a on a garden sheet in Tonga and it can TRANSFORM you. I love this.
PS - Tim Burton really made some shit, eh? That film. Big no.
Haha yeah, big no. The film itself is terrible, but also the IMAX tech itself makes me nauseous in general, AND I was sitting too close. It literally felt like the film was on my face! Nightmarish! Never gone to an IMAX since.
Haha! That is how we did it back in the day in Tonga. We had a brand new cinema for a while before the riots... One day we'll get a proper cinema back in Tonga. Till then, sheets all good.
Best and worst movie experiences for me seem to be interchangeable.
Many years ago my teaching HOD decided it would be a good idea to take the entire cohort of hormonal 14 year olds to see a film called Quest for Fire. It is set 80,000 years ago and (on paper anyway) was a perfect fit for the theme of Year 10, Social Change. Unfortunately, one of the many discoveries made in the course of the script is the missionary position but my earnest HOD didn't learn that until the entire fourth form was seated inside the theatre.
"This will be interesting," I remember thinking.
Sure enough, just as things were heating up on screen, the house lights suddenly came back on and the lonely figure of my HOD appeared on stage saying "I take responsibility for this." A sort of growl rolled around the theatre as the two leading characters continued their groping, invisibly, behind him. I did briefly think all the staff were about to die.
Some time later a friend arrived with a VHS copy of one of the Terminator movies he had picked up in Asia. It turned out to be the Worst Bootleg of All Times, with shadowy heads bobbing in the foreground and the odd sneeze making everything jump around like there was an earthquake. My daughter, who is deaf, asked for the subtitles to be turned on and just like that our viewing experience leapt into a whole new zone. It seems the person assigned the task of transcribing the spoken words had only a passing acquaintance with the English language so we got to enjoy an entirely different storyline as we watched Arnie doing his thing.
I’m intrigued about this pirate video. Dodgy enough to have heads bobbing up and down… but advanced enough to have subtitles. Kudos to them for thinking of the hard of hearing, I suppose…?
I went to a film festival with one of my best friends and her boyfriend, who are both filmmakers. The festival was labelled as an erotic film festival, but that seriously underplayed what was onscreen. It was straight up porn. So in a tiny cinema of ten people, the three of us watched hardcore porn - the scene where a gun was used in place of a phallus was a particular stand out. We have never discussed it or acknowledged that event.
The best - I saw Suspiria live soundtracked by DJ Fake Blood at BFI Southbank. It was absolutely incredible.
And a bonus ‘most traumatic’; two of my much older brothers (they were teenagers to my 6 years old at the time) were tasked with taking me to see the delightful Disney movie ‘Oliver & Company’ in 1988. Instead, they bought tickets to Predator, took me in and told me to hide behind the seat and not watch.
I was completely traumatised, and my sister took me to see Oliver & Company later to try to stop my obsession with planning what I would do to if a Predator came in the house at night.
I'm sorry that this was your first experience with Predator! That is one of our family movies (I know it's odd) and I watched when I was like 5. I remember being terrified of him, but soooo enthralled with the whole movie and roughing it in the jungle, that I immediately fell in love with the whole thing. The movie still holds up in my opinion!
Agreed! I’ve watched it many times since and love it. There is a Gary Larson ‘Far Side’ cartoon about a Monster Snorkel that reminds me of that first watch - I laugh every time I see it.
Worst: I saw Forest Gump in a theater in St. Louis, MO when it was originally released - 1994. I had the very American experience of some guys sitting near the front of the full theater standing up and threatening to shoot the people sitting behind them, I guess for some heckling or noisy candy reasons, but not seeming to be bothered that there were others in the theater. It was a long time ago, so details are fuzzy now. I think someone came in and escorted the gunmen out. No one else left the theater.
Another bad, that I imagine lots of women/girls have experienced: I saw Far and Away - 1992 - with some girlfriends. We were seniors in high school. The theater was almost empty - probably the second run $1 theater. An older man sat in the row in front of us, slumped low down in his seat and stared at our legs through the gap in the seats. We got up and moved. I think he moved once with us, but not the second time.
Best: Seeing What We Do in the Shadows at the Arclight in Hollywood with Jemaine Clement and Rhys Darby giving a Q&A. I got pictures with both after the screening.
And nothing beats being able to see The Matrix in the theater in 1999! One of the most mind-blowing, memorable, amazing film experiences ever. All the things that look cliche and overdone now had never been seen before. I just didn't want the movie to end!
What a great way to see What We Do in the Shadows. Jealous. In saying that, I did a similar thing in a theatre in New Zealand - there is a photo of me, Jemaine and Petyr (or someone in full makeup, at least!) somewhere!
As for Gump - that is SO American. We did a Flightless Bird on Bubba Gump Shrimp but it was mostly just looking at how iconic that movie was!
I know it's not for everyone but, Avengers: Endgame was absolutely the best time I have had watching a film.
I'm a comic book and Marvel fan from childhood and I loved the entire saga. I saw it at midnight on release day, in a completely sold out the theatre of hard-core fans and I have never had such a collective or emotional experience in a cinema. I was there by myself without any of my own friends, yet it felt like I was there with nothing but friends. I was with my people and we all bonded for that couple of hours as a family of fans who absolutely love these characters and stories, and who had emotionally invested the last 10 years for this pay off.
Now I am someone who would normally *hates* people making any sort of noise in a cinemas (I absolutely give people dirty looks if they even rustle the popcorn bag too loud) but, on this occasion, I was absolutely here for it.
We cheered, we laughed uproariously, people jumped out of their seats in some parts and we all sat dead still and cried silently in others. There was a choked sob en masse when we heard Sam Wilson's voice come through with "on your left" and I can't even describe the noise that went through the place when we finally heard "Avengers...assemble". It was a really special experience.
The worst movie experience I ever had?Watching Green Lantern in 2011. Just on the basis that I was there and had paid actual money to see Green Lantern.
Couldn't agree more about Endgame! "On your left" still gets me every single time. Our movie theatre in Hamilton was just as rowdy and respectful. Unforgettable.
That was very similar to my experience - cool being in a cinema witnessing that. I am not a big Marvel guy, but I had kept up and it was worth it.
The whole Marvel universe seems to be yearning for those glory days.... all their recent announcements, I dunno - seems like they are too busy looking back at casting that worked in the "old days"! Curious about your take on this...
I don't disagree. I was quite taken aback by the Dr Doom casting announcement. Victor Von Doom is a lot things as a character and I'm not sure RDJ (as much as I love him) imbues a lot of them. I know the studio was slightly painted into a corner with Jonathan Majors, but I think there were other ways to go and, you're right, it does feel like they hope casting a fan favourite for nostalgia will help them out. I'm sure some data guy at Disney crunched the numbers and worked out that they don't get as many people watching films that don't include characters or actors that an audience is already attached to.
TBH though, I think Marvel's biggest problem right now is prioritising quantity over quality, and a lot of that does feel like like Disney's influence. Not every character or film needs a spin off, and some I suspect wouldn't even translate that well from comic to live action. It feels like they are over saturating a market and genre that does not need it.
I feel there has also been a decline in the quality, particularly with some of the visuals (Looking at you, She-hulk). It is inevitable when you are trying to turnaround a project quickly and with a reduced budget, but Marvel shouldn't rely on loyalty from fans to bridge that gap. We all have such a large selection of media available, usually on demand, that we can and will be picky about what we choose to consume in what little free time we have available in between working and watching the world burn around us. I'm always going to pick a quality comic book over a show that doesn't feel like it was made with care and I don't think I'm the only one.
All this being said, I'd still take whatever trash Marvel gives me over whatever the clowns at Sony Pictures keep coming up with. Some real 'yikes' level nonsense going on there.
Loved this whole comment. Then the last paragraph, chef’s kiss. I adored Deadpool, but it’s clearly not the Marvel we have going forward but I’m still hopeful they’ll take a page on vibes.
like we all knew it was coming but when Cap picks up the Hammer... Whole cinema went nuts...
Also one of my favourite ever end scenes with Thor and Starlord in the ship with Thor whispering "of course". Deadpool 3 gave me some Endgame vibes. About half the cinema went nuts SPOILER
THESE STORIES ARE SO GOOD (AND BAD!!!!)
Sorry - fixed the link the Ed Zitron piece on the AI bubble: https://www.wheresyoured.at/burst-damage/
"And, fundamentally, this technology really isn’t that exciting.
I’m sorry, it isn’t. The idea of a “super smart friend that knows everything about me” is exciting, as is the idea of automating away drudgery — spreadsheets and documents, for example. Yet, generative AI doesn’t actually do these things. Putting aside any feelings I may have, it has not changed my life, a guy who loves using technology and is willing to put hours into finding solutions to automate or mitigate problems in his life.
I don’t know a single person — I have literally never met or spoken to one — that has meaningfully changed their workflow or life as a result of generative AI outside of being able to integrate it to speed up some processes in already-existing systems.
Nothing about this was real. It’s a farce. The promises of artificial intelligence will not be kept through the pursuit of generative AI, as generative AI is a dead-end technology that has peaked, one that costs too much — both financially and socially — to keep it going.
There is no heroic story here. There are few people who are sincerely cheering for these companies to win — those who don't have a tangible financial return banking on the value of OpenAI and its related tendrils — and let's be honest, nobody really LOVES this, do they? Nobody really uses ChatGPT and has that childlike "oh shit" moment we all had with the iPhone, or sending a file using Dropbox, the times (large and small) that actually made us love technology.
There is no magic, no whimsy, no joy in any of these Large Language Models and their associated outgrowths. They're not helping anybody, yet their peddlers demand our fealty and our applause."
Ah worst movie experience, Uni Canty, Clockwork Orange, guy behind me decided to lean over and fondle my breasts, so yeah sexual assault, it happens everywhere.😠
More recently went to an inner city ‘boutique’ cinema and made the mistake of ordering a coffee. Then had to listen to the guy winge and moan about making a coffee with real milk in it! And then their manager arguing with him about it, all of which took forever so of course the movie had started by the time I got to it.
My husband doesn’t like going to the movies as most of the cinemas are grubby so really we’ve given up on the whole thing and bought a projector for home.
Also, while I agree with you in the main about generative AI I have had to change my tune over the last couple of months as it’s made a huge difference to me and my colleagues in processing huge amounts of unstructured information into useable content (I do knowledge management for a tech company). There are things that it’s very good at. But like any tool you need to use it for the right job in the right way. Whether that’s worth the cost is debatable.
The movie experience that stands out to me is going to see a festival of Aki Kaurismäki movies at MoMA approximately 1000 years ago. As a Finnish person, I find his depressing films extremely comical, so I was laughing out loud through most of the movies. NO ONE ELSE WAS. To people who are not Scandinavian, these films are very bleak and depressing. The entire theater seemed to think I was mentally ill or perhaps a serial killer (many of the films involve murder). To top it all off, I had been set up on a date (unbeknownst to me) for this festival with a guy, simply because he had once been in the Helsinki airport. Friends, I am a gay lady. It was not a love connection! Anyway the films remained amazing.
This made me laugh out loud! I now need to rewatch some Scandinavian films with this new found understanding.
This is a really good date.
Question: What percentage of Finnish folk find his stuff funny, would you say?
Based on the Finns that I have known from that timeframe and a 1993 segment on "60 Minutes" on Finland that opens with “This is not a state of national mourning in Finland, these are Finns in their natural state; brooding and private; grimly in touch with no one but themselves; the shyest people on earth. Depressed and proud of it.” (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kCKwe_Dp9Eg) then I would expect the dark humour to abound. For a more modern reference, I feel like the movie Sisu was still in line with that kind of mentality.
I LOVE Aki Kaurismäki movies!
WORST
An old school friend , who I will always be fond of for getting me into Stiff Little Fingers in early 80s is part of my worst experience. Look I’ve had so many from minor to major - I even saw the movie JUICE in NYC when someone got shot outside the theatre. But I think about the school friend one more which probably makes me a psychopath of sorts. But he was buddy and it was more intimate. We went to see the Mel Brooks film The History of the World Pt1 - and it was a packed house. Bring annoying teen boys we were laughing and talking to ourselves during the trailers. The big burly biker dude in front of us turns around and menacingly whispers into my ear - so quietly that my friend doesn’t hear - “if you guys make one more fookin’ sound I’m going to smash you”
He turns back around and so that’s the moment my buddy decides to say “what did he say” at a volume I instantly knew was above rage zone.
The guy instantly stands and swivels, impressive for a large man - and punches my mate dead in the face - zoinks! - knocking him out.
I then had to sit there in dead silence in a state of pure terror while the comedy genius of Mel Brooks played on and not laughing once.
THE BEST
Just too many magical moments when it comes to cinema over the decades. A books worth. So maybe more recent : let’s go with seeing the NZ Premiere of my PG movie ‘Bookworm’ (out Aug 8 cough cough) with my kids - who were finally able to see one of my movies that didn’t feature R rated material! .
I read this before looking at who was writing it must going, "Fuck me, this is actually terrifying and can't be real" and then I saw it was you, Ant.
PS: Anyone reading this in New Zealand - please go and see Ant's film this weekend. Make it a hit. Good for the whole family, and cryptozoologically themed (the Canterbury panther). And stars Elijah Wood. BOOKWORM. Go.
My kids saw the trailer when we saw Inside Out 2 during the school holidays and said that looks cool! And I love the idea of not seeing an animated movie with them! And its a kiwi movie!
Ghostbusters 1984. The first film I ever saw in a cinema, and my dad took us kids to the Civic Theatre in Auckland to watch it. I just could not believe the magic. In the scene when the gargoyles come alive and Sigourney Weaver gets unhinged, I thought the Civic’s gold lion statues with the glowing red eyes were part of the film and that the film had come through the screen and into real life. It’s still the most powerful memory of cinema I have and I’m pretty sure it’s how I ended up as an actor. I can still feel the way it felt in my body - the slight sweat of excitement on my palms. And I feel it in my feet, which I had my right foot on top of my left and I could feel my sneaker laces pressing down onto the top of my left foot. I was five years old. Honestly it’s probably still one of the highlights of my whole life. It was pure magic.
(Too many shit movie experiences, punctuated by loud talkers and people bringing in what smelt like three course roast dinners to consume while watching. Just not going there, staying in my Ghostbusters fever dream forever.)
The original Ghostbusters was the first film I ever saw without a family member accompanying me. I was 14, supposedly staying the night at a girl friend's house but we snuck out to go to the drive-in with BOYS. We went in two vehicles, a ute and a panel-van. I can still remember that we backed both vehicles in, and opened the back doors of the shaggin' wagon and about six of us lay on a mattress in the back to watch the film. It was a double feature, I have no idea what the first movie was!! Ghostbusters was too good to miss to spend it making out with some boy with a whispy moustache and a mullet.
The last movie I went to was right before my city got locked down for the Delta outbreak. I was the only one in the moderately populated cinema wearing a mask, although masks were still mandatory. The cinema volunteer sat right behind me and ate his dinner. All that on top of previous experiences with people talking, stinky shoes up on the armrest next to me, phones, bags of chips, etc means I can't be arsed going to the cinema again.
But one of the best experiences I had was going to the same cinema to watch a Roger Waters movie back some time BC (Before Covid) and the entire packed audience was transfixed. One woman dared try opening a crackly icecream wrapper and was loudly shushed by someone over the other side of the cinema. We were all there to watch that movie, by god.
This is really great. What an amazing revelation to have while watching that film. To be able to hold this feeling, and recall it too - *goosebumps*.
Once in Wellington someone bought in their takeout curry. That was, errr, pungent.
Any hot (and meaty) food in a theatre is very questionable.
My worst movie experience was at the Bridgeway Theatre in Auckland (it is a lovely theatre and this was just an unfortunate, pre-renovation incident!) We were young teenagers, seeing a movie alone (I can’t even remember what the movie was), when 10 minutes in we noticed a foul smell. The stench of death. We just held our noses and continued to watch. At intermission a staff member came in, explained that a rat had died under the floorboards and he proceeded to spray the most potent, heavily scented toilet spray all over us. So much worse. We just sat there and ate our tangy fruits
Horrific. 10/10.
Not sure I could stomach a whole film of that smell. Sensitive snoz, me.
“We just sat there and ate out tangy fruits.” This is quite possibly one of the best sentences ever written. Slight hyperbole, but I enjoyed it all the same.
Let's hear it for the Tangy Fruits. RIP that little pottle.
Especially when someone dropped it and you heard them rolling toward the front if the theater had wooden floors
Another rat story
If it was a horror/gore film, they'll just market that as the "4D smell-o-vision" theatre. :)
Do experiences from working at a movie theatre count? Because if that’s the case then I definitely have some stories! There’s a few worst options: 1) Going to see Executive Decision with my friend Hope at the local movie theatre and the thermostat on the air con was broken. It was literally 10 degrees, I thought I was going to get hypothermia. 2) watching a staff viewing of …..maybe a James Bond movie? At the same cinema when I worked there and a friend who had been drinking was sitting next to me and suddenly puked on herself. 3) not movie watching related but the theatre I worked in had a bar attached and these 2 women disappeared giggling into the bathroom for 20 mins. When they emerged, I went in and it was a shit covered nightmare - they were apparently high and drunk and had literally smeared their shit everywhere except inside the toilet bowl. We drew straws to clean it up and my friend lost. She taped tea towels to herself like a samurai and then went straight home and showered for 2 hours. Best: getting to watch The Blair Witch project at midnight for a staff viewing and being one of the only two people who 1) wasn’t high and 2) knew that it wasn’t real. Imagine 15 people who are all stoned and also think that it’s real, leaving a movie theatre to walk home in the middle of the night. It was beyond hilarious. I had to chaperone people 😂
The high shit-spreaders is *the worst*. Adults and drugs sometimes, eh?
As for a cold movie theatre - this is extreme, but the air con in some cinemas really gets me sometimes. Sometimes I take a sweater with me, even if it's summer. Can't be freezing in the cinema!
I've been known to take a hotwater bottle! And always layers. Agree, can't be cold!
Your 2 has my story beat. When I worked at the Classic cinema in Auckland it switched to soft porn to keep afloat financially. For a few screenings we had a phantom masturbator who would leave a used condom on the floor in the back rows. Another time someone vomited in the hand basin in the toilets.
At least he came in a condom, I suppose. Still - picking up someone else's condom is not fun.
Worst movie experience: many moons ago a girl I was dating and her family had never seen the lion king which blew my mind. I guess they were a bit sheltered? I’m not sure. They didn’t seem to have a big grasp on pop culture at all. Now then, one Friday night I downloaded it and bought it to their house on a usb stick for us all to watch. It was all off to a good start, I was wowing the father with the revelation that his television had a usb slot in the back and I could just plug it in. No dvd! Unfortunately what I mistakenly downloaded was some parent’s crowd footage of a lion king school theatre performance complete with zooming in on one kid at random times (I guess it was the camera operator’s child?). Just an awful hour of which I pretended nothing was wrong and they didn’t question it. No one mentioned anything. It was just watched in silence and then we had dinner.
Best: Twin Peaks Fire Walk With Me in a tiny cinema in Christchurch pre-earthquake. The staff gave me a prize for dressing up as Laura Palmer but I was just wearing one of those transparent plastic parkas because it was raining outside.
This is totally unhinged and has me questioning human behaviour. No-one said ANYTHING? I can't handle this. It's too much.
Both hilarious!
OMG 😻😹Didn't know how much I needed a belly laugh until I read about your Lion King snafoo 😹
"PS: I am not anti-AI, I am just anti AI-bullshit hype."
Mr Farrier, have you been reading my mind?
As someone who works in Tech, the amount of FOMO around AI is stupid. It's the new buzz that everyone says will do amazing things for everyone and you need to be doing it.
In actual fact, yes it is handy for a few things for the normal Tom, Dianne and Harrison's out there. But, it isn't revolutionary for all.
One day, maybe. But in the meantime dont fall for the absolute shitshow marketing crap being forced into every orifice! (Sorry....)
In my industry it is being touted as the latest thing that will save us time, and automate our systems and make us coffee and all that. When you drill down into what it actually is, is a 20% price rise and no extra functionality that I can discern.
That's exactly it: Where's the functionality? It's a stretch.
I describe the LLMs as the equivalent of talking to a six-year-old, who will give you very confident wrong answers, and when questioned pretend they never said that and change to something else. Those systems that are trained on a much smaller set of material can be quite useful for that specific purpose, but the large general "solve everything" types still have a good ways to go.
This generative AI stuff is fun but... game-changing? No. Not really. And the bubble around it and the people hyping it make me call BS even louder. Happy to be proven wrong, but yeah...
Saw Eno last night, every version of it released is different having been randomly edited by generative AI. It was pretty good.
Best: Honestly it was watching Barbie in my local independent cinema (that I adore). The female owner was dressed head to toe in pink cowboy garb and it was just table upon table of women (and a few great men getting into the spirit) giggling, drinking wine and enjoying a film that actually punches you in the face with what it feels like to be a woman. It was pure joy.
Worst: Every single second of poor things where apparently we’re all supposed to be totally amazed at FeMINisM while watching a literal baby (but she’s hot so it’s fine) fuck her way to enlightenment. ‘But that’s the point! It’s satire!’ I hear fellow cinema watchers around me say. NO.
The end x
LOL, snap. I have the same best and worst as you.
Worst would be having to be taken from the theatre as a child, sobbing over Watership Down. I recall back in Uni days in the mid 90s getting really high was a mate before going to see the Nicolas Cage movie The Rock at the St James, it's not a comedy, but we laughed our asses off. I remember seeing another Nicolas Cage movie Con Air in a grotty Bangkok cinema and being literally the only person in the place, that was pretty spooky. Recently seeing my son in a short movie at the Academy, under the Auckland library, was pretty special. Love those little theatres with the comfy seats and discount rates. Back in Covid times my kids dance school couldn't have an end of year show so they made a movie, filming in small groups in accordance with the rules, and hired the Hollywood in Avondale, which you know well, once we could congregate again and gave them the full red carpet treatment - that was pretty special.
The Rock has some pretty funny moments... although maybe with time that's come.
As for Watership Down - I share tears of solidarity with you! Although I would say that counts as an amazing cinema experience: Cinema is there to move us, and change us - and it did!
I can't believe they billed Watership Down as a kids' movie. It was intense.
OMG Watership Down. Cried so hard I made myself sick.
See also E.T. Managed to see all of it but cried in the car all the way home, big gulping sobs that made my father FURIOUS.
I cried so much at E.T. that one of my contact lenses fell out (fortunately not at the theatre)
I watched it again a few years ago and it did it to me again.
Oh yes, Watership Down! Heavily promoted back in the day, and many, many parents in Nelson took their kids. My older son reckons we traumatised him for life!
The best - as a child seeing the original Bladerunner projected onto a sheet in a garden in Tonga, all us kids sitting around on wooden benches- talk about the transformative experience of cinema.
The worst - Tim Burton's Charlie and the Chocolate Factory on IMAX, felt much like being trapped in an MRI on psilocybin might feel, I imagine.
I love this. A movie doesn't have to be an amazing projection or in the latest theatre - it can be a on a garden sheet in Tonga and it can TRANSFORM you. I love this.
PS - Tim Burton really made some shit, eh? That film. Big no.
Haha yeah, big no. The film itself is terrible, but also the IMAX tech itself makes me nauseous in general, AND I was sitting too close. It literally felt like the film was on my face! Nightmarish! Never gone to an IMAX since.
Haha! That is how we did it back in the day in Tonga. We had a brand new cinema for a while before the riots... One day we'll get a proper cinema back in Tonga. Till then, sheets all good.
All that matters is what is on the screen and the community who gathers around it.
Best and worst movie experiences for me seem to be interchangeable.
Many years ago my teaching HOD decided it would be a good idea to take the entire cohort of hormonal 14 year olds to see a film called Quest for Fire. It is set 80,000 years ago and (on paper anyway) was a perfect fit for the theme of Year 10, Social Change. Unfortunately, one of the many discoveries made in the course of the script is the missionary position but my earnest HOD didn't learn that until the entire fourth form was seated inside the theatre.
"This will be interesting," I remember thinking.
Sure enough, just as things were heating up on screen, the house lights suddenly came back on and the lonely figure of my HOD appeared on stage saying "I take responsibility for this." A sort of growl rolled around the theatre as the two leading characters continued their groping, invisibly, behind him. I did briefly think all the staff were about to die.
Some time later a friend arrived with a VHS copy of one of the Terminator movies he had picked up in Asia. It turned out to be the Worst Bootleg of All Times, with shadowy heads bobbing in the foreground and the odd sneeze making everything jump around like there was an earthquake. My daughter, who is deaf, asked for the subtitles to be turned on and just like that our viewing experience leapt into a whole new zone. It seems the person assigned the task of transcribing the spoken words had only a passing acquaintance with the English language so we got to enjoy an entirely different storyline as we watched Arnie doing his thing.
Quest for Fire also depicts the world's first blow job, LOL!
Whaaaaat. Gotta see this thing.
It's an iconic film, what can I say?
I’m intrigued about this pirate video. Dodgy enough to have heads bobbing up and down… but advanced enough to have subtitles. Kudos to them for thinking of the hard of hearing, I suppose…?
Indeed - simultaneously, a work of art and a triumph of can-do attitude. One of my lasting regrets is not saving Arnie's classic line "All be bag."
So many options!
I went to a film festival with one of my best friends and her boyfriend, who are both filmmakers. The festival was labelled as an erotic film festival, but that seriously underplayed what was onscreen. It was straight up porn. So in a tiny cinema of ten people, the three of us watched hardcore porn - the scene where a gun was used in place of a phallus was a particular stand out. We have never discussed it or acknowledged that event.
The best - I saw Suspiria live soundtracked by DJ Fake Blood at BFI Southbank. It was absolutely incredible.
And a bonus ‘most traumatic’; two of my much older brothers (they were teenagers to my 6 years old at the time) were tasked with taking me to see the delightful Disney movie ‘Oliver & Company’ in 1988. Instead, they bought tickets to Predator, took me in and told me to hide behind the seat and not watch.
I was completely traumatised, and my sister took me to see Oliver & Company later to try to stop my obsession with planning what I would do to if a Predator came in the house at night.
That is an amazing way to witness Predator! 10/10. The power of cinema to impact you!
I'm sorry that this was your first experience with Predator! That is one of our family movies (I know it's odd) and I watched when I was like 5. I remember being terrified of him, but soooo enthralled with the whole movie and roughing it in the jungle, that I immediately fell in love with the whole thing. The movie still holds up in my opinion!
Agreed! I’ve watched it many times since and love it. There is a Gary Larson ‘Far Side’ cartoon about a Monster Snorkel that reminds me of that first watch - I laugh every time I see it.
😂😂😂😂
Worst: I saw Forest Gump in a theater in St. Louis, MO when it was originally released - 1994. I had the very American experience of some guys sitting near the front of the full theater standing up and threatening to shoot the people sitting behind them, I guess for some heckling or noisy candy reasons, but not seeming to be bothered that there were others in the theater. It was a long time ago, so details are fuzzy now. I think someone came in and escorted the gunmen out. No one else left the theater.
Another bad, that I imagine lots of women/girls have experienced: I saw Far and Away - 1992 - with some girlfriends. We were seniors in high school. The theater was almost empty - probably the second run $1 theater. An older man sat in the row in front of us, slumped low down in his seat and stared at our legs through the gap in the seats. We got up and moved. I think he moved once with us, but not the second time.
Best: Seeing What We Do in the Shadows at the Arclight in Hollywood with Jemaine Clement and Rhys Darby giving a Q&A. I got pictures with both after the screening.
And nothing beats being able to see The Matrix in the theater in 1999! One of the most mind-blowing, memorable, amazing film experiences ever. All the things that look cliche and overdone now had never been seen before. I just didn't want the movie to end!
What a great way to see What We Do in the Shadows. Jealous. In saying that, I did a similar thing in a theatre in New Zealand - there is a photo of me, Jemaine and Petyr (or someone in full makeup, at least!) somewhere!
As for Gump - that is SO American. We did a Flightless Bird on Bubba Gump Shrimp but it was mostly just looking at how iconic that movie was!
I know it's not for everyone but, Avengers: Endgame was absolutely the best time I have had watching a film.
I'm a comic book and Marvel fan from childhood and I loved the entire saga. I saw it at midnight on release day, in a completely sold out the theatre of hard-core fans and I have never had such a collective or emotional experience in a cinema. I was there by myself without any of my own friends, yet it felt like I was there with nothing but friends. I was with my people and we all bonded for that couple of hours as a family of fans who absolutely love these characters and stories, and who had emotionally invested the last 10 years for this pay off.
Now I am someone who would normally *hates* people making any sort of noise in a cinemas (I absolutely give people dirty looks if they even rustle the popcorn bag too loud) but, on this occasion, I was absolutely here for it.
We cheered, we laughed uproariously, people jumped out of their seats in some parts and we all sat dead still and cried silently in others. There was a choked sob en masse when we heard Sam Wilson's voice come through with "on your left" and I can't even describe the noise that went through the place when we finally heard "Avengers...assemble". It was a really special experience.
The worst movie experience I ever had?Watching Green Lantern in 2011. Just on the basis that I was there and had paid actual money to see Green Lantern.
Couldn't agree more about Endgame! "On your left" still gets me every single time. Our movie theatre in Hamilton was just as rowdy and respectful. Unforgettable.
Makes me cry to just think about it! (I listed it as one of my best too.)
That was very similar to my experience - cool being in a cinema witnessing that. I am not a big Marvel guy, but I had kept up and it was worth it.
The whole Marvel universe seems to be yearning for those glory days.... all their recent announcements, I dunno - seems like they are too busy looking back at casting that worked in the "old days"! Curious about your take on this...
I don't disagree. I was quite taken aback by the Dr Doom casting announcement. Victor Von Doom is a lot things as a character and I'm not sure RDJ (as much as I love him) imbues a lot of them. I know the studio was slightly painted into a corner with Jonathan Majors, but I think there were other ways to go and, you're right, it does feel like they hope casting a fan favourite for nostalgia will help them out. I'm sure some data guy at Disney crunched the numbers and worked out that they don't get as many people watching films that don't include characters or actors that an audience is already attached to.
TBH though, I think Marvel's biggest problem right now is prioritising quantity over quality, and a lot of that does feel like like Disney's influence. Not every character or film needs a spin off, and some I suspect wouldn't even translate that well from comic to live action. It feels like they are over saturating a market and genre that does not need it.
I feel there has also been a decline in the quality, particularly with some of the visuals (Looking at you, She-hulk). It is inevitable when you are trying to turnaround a project quickly and with a reduced budget, but Marvel shouldn't rely on loyalty from fans to bridge that gap. We all have such a large selection of media available, usually on demand, that we can and will be picky about what we choose to consume in what little free time we have available in between working and watching the world burn around us. I'm always going to pick a quality comic book over a show that doesn't feel like it was made with care and I don't think I'm the only one.
All this being said, I'd still take whatever trash Marvel gives me over whatever the clowns at Sony Pictures keep coming up with. Some real 'yikes' level nonsense going on there.
Loved this whole comment. Then the last paragraph, chef’s kiss. I adored Deadpool, but it’s clearly not the Marvel we have going forward but I’m still hopeful they’ll take a page on vibes.
Endgame was SO good, I had a similar experience (I put it in my comment.) It was such a community vibe. Those were my people!
like we all knew it was coming but when Cap picks up the Hammer... Whole cinema went nuts...
Also one of my favourite ever end scenes with Thor and Starlord in the ship with Thor whispering "of course". Deadpool 3 gave me some Endgame vibes. About half the cinema went nuts SPOILER
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Electra Blade and Gambit.