I have woken up in Dunedin this morning for the first time in 16 years (flew in after work last night).
I loved this city but left with my boyfriend at the time so he could have a fresh start somewhere different. There were 6 years of abuse that followed that move and I have probably been struggling to reconcile that ever since. Any way, made it back! And like some gift from the universe I'm reading this in bed realizing that my ex was a primary psychopath. I'm not saying that lightly. That was him. And I believed everything he told me because I was sad and broken and didn't find value in myself as I had lost my dad a year or do earlier and was suffering from depression.
So two things, first thank you so much for this knowledge. I feel a weight of something lifted that gives me hope my next 3 days will not feel quite so haunted and may even be a bit nice :)
Second, I bought in to one of these people. As a people leader I have the strange gift of being given regular feedback about my personality/ how I come across to others. Subsequently I am pretty confident in saying I demonstrate empathy, intuition and logic above most other things (which i appreciate kind of sound contradictory but it seems to work haha). But, i spent 6 years hiding my experiences, accepting someone else opinions on every aspect of my life as gospel and punishing myself as often as I was punished by my partner. When I finally left after realizing I might die and decided I didn't want to, it still took me years to tell people what had happened and to lose the shame of what I had "allowed" to happen and my effective support of the situation i showed by staying in it.
My best friend "knew" the whole time. Not the magnitude, but the theme of my reality. All she ever said to me was I will always be here and you deserve better. And finally, one day, I said please come and get me and I think so too.
I love that the theme of so much of this forum- articles, comments, community is continuing to try when things feel hopeless. This has always felt so worthwhile to me and today in this burbled post I guess I have realised why. Its what saved me- other people not giving up on me even when I was busy making home in a rabbit hole dungeon.
Beck. It's hard to know what to say in response to that, except - I'm in awe of your attitude, and appreciate you sharing. I can't imagine how odd and out of sorts it must seem returning. It's such a small, specific place, too. This may be a silly thing, but if you enjoy music - maybe do a walk around with a different soundtrack in your ears to the headspace you were in when you left. Rescore it. As I said - maybe a silly idea. But Dunedin can be pretty and it might help ease the way back in.
I love that you have suggested a rescoring of sorts. After watching your chat with nine inch nails I reflected on why I had never gotten into them during the period where everyone our age did. I realised it was because the music is confronting and raw and at that time so was my life. It would have been too much.
But that was my sound track today. How embarrassingly poetic. But thank you.
And also thank for this space and creating this community and for your work and efforts in general.
For someone I have never met you have had a more profound impact on my life than most people I have ❤
I love how honest you are in this reply and I had the completely same reaction to this post, I too was in a relationship where it was get out or die at the end and even now I hide my experience to my family and friends because that shame is always there, like I let it happen to myself, when like you I was with a primary psychopath
I hope one day I’ll have your strength to be able to share and basically just wanted to say I love your reply and it really resonated with me 💖
Aroha to both of you for your courage, honesty and vulnerability. Welcome home and welcome back, Beck.
One of the things abusive partners (and groups) do is attack your sense of reality and your self worth, filling you up with doubt and shame. You are made 'bad', whilst they remain always 'good'. Isolated from others, it's truly a deep rabbit hole, a hall of mirrors where you're always wrong - repeatedly told you're not caring enough, not giving enough, not grateful enough. And you start to believe it.
People who haven't been through it often struggle to understand how hard it can be to leave. When we are abused by people who should care for us (whether as children or adults), at first, we don't stop loving them - we stop loving ourselves.
My heart goes out to both of you, full of compassion for what you've been through and so glad you've found your way out.
This interview comes very well-timed for me, as it was only earlier this week that I was finally able to go back and read all of your QAnon posts. To be honest, I'd been avoiding Webworm since the summer when this became a frequent topic for you. Not personal - I also stopped going on Twitter and watching several hours of MSNBC each night, and instead attempted to replace reality with massive amounts of fantasy fiction. I didn't even realize how avoidant I'd become until this week, a few days after the election was called here in the US, when the air seemed to clear and it felt safe to consume the news again. I don't know if you've had other Americans tell you anything similar, but the shift in my state of my mind over the weekend was massive. I'm not even sure where to go from here.
Anyway, after reading all your QAnon stuff, a debriefing like this interview was definitely in order. I'm a psych person, and the professionalism and insight on Wilson's part are to be highly commended. I wish the MSM would talk to psych pros like this.
Completely agree with you about the total mental shift since the weekend. I may have actually said “today is the first day of the rest of my life” on Sunday morning, or something else equally chipper.
But I had the opposite experience with news. I hadn’t watched any news all year (except the first few weeks of lockdown in the spring) and then I just COULD NOT get enough of it from Election night through Saturday. As soon as the mental shift happened I felt the need to re-distance myself from media again (although I probably won’t delete the news apps until a successful inauguration...just in case).
I was just talking to my friend in LA today, and she said the same thing. It's just a shift. It's the idea that there won't be anther four years of a madman SHOUTING on Twitter. It's huge. I'm glad you feel good. And I totally understand why you avoided Webworm - I'm glad you did. It won't always be doom and gloom here - I want hope, and surprisingly - not always conspiracy stuff. It's just ended up here, for now. Thanks Alex. Keep being fucking cool.
So I read this when you first posted it (I enjoyed the first half so was waiting) and kind of took my time to process before commenting, and what I’ve been glad of over the past few months is that I’ve discovered webworm! You’re doing really great work and over the past almost year all the conspiracy theories combined with lockdowns have taken a massive toll on my mental health, I stopped sleeping at one point for a few weeks (not fun!) and I’ll be honest because of the lockdown in the UK I went about six months without speaking to another human in the flesh despite having friends, family and a boyfriend, so seeing your coverage of conspiracies has really helped me rationalise and make my anxiety be ok about what’s happening in the world and understand why the people who I know and love may be believing these conspiracies.
You’re doing amazing and I’m loving the site, it’s great to speak to people who see things the same way and have really similar experiences and I’m very grateful!
Hey Lauren. I know what you mean about the lack of sleep thing. What I didn't have to experience was the months of madness London went through (and is going through). Go easy on yourself. Easier said than done. But I reckon you're doing great. Thanks for being here.
The only thing that moves the needle toward empathy is being immersed in a society made up of different types of people. When I was on a vacation with my mom in Mexico we met up with Japanese cellist who traveled the world playing in different venues. She asked me about my school and my friends and I mentioned how I had friends from Cuba, Jamaica, Spain, Japan, Ireland, Korea, Colombia, Chile, Jewish friends (I live in Forest Hills, until I was 6 I thought most people were Jewish), and we all got along. She asked me if I went to an international school (they exist: The United Nations has two in NYC) and I said no, I just go to school in Queens. The same thing happened in high school but since it was bigger and pulled from even more neighborhoods, it was even more diverse. You heard different languages in the hallways, you learned about other people's holidays and that acknowledging that Christmas is not the only holiday celebrated in December is not an attempt to "cancel Christmas" and this was a Catholic school. Having those you perceive as different from you literally be thousands of miles away will always render them as others. You don't get to go into their homes. You don't get to try their foods. You don't see how hard they work or how they love their families. I have no clue how to solve this problem when so much of our country is still so segregated. Even when most kids go off to college, they tend to go to schools that look a lot like their hometowns. I have no clue how to fix any of this but a fun bit of trivia was the Trump (who is from Queens) lost his own Borough bigly.
Omg Paul is amazing!! So well written and compassionate. I'm currently doing my doctorate in clinical psychology and now want to switch to psychotherapy after reading that. I feel like I'll never get to that level. 😭. Was a wonderful read and timely. I've lost a close friend to the conspiracy crowd. I feel like I can't be around her at the moment. I can handle being with people who have different opinions (e.g. national voters). But this is more than a difference of opinion. Its deeper than that. I think it's a difference in values. Anyway thanks Paul, and as always thanks David
I have woken up in Dunedin this morning for the first time in 16 years (flew in after work last night).
I loved this city but left with my boyfriend at the time so he could have a fresh start somewhere different. There were 6 years of abuse that followed that move and I have probably been struggling to reconcile that ever since. Any way, made it back! And like some gift from the universe I'm reading this in bed realizing that my ex was a primary psychopath. I'm not saying that lightly. That was him. And I believed everything he told me because I was sad and broken and didn't find value in myself as I had lost my dad a year or do earlier and was suffering from depression.
So two things, first thank you so much for this knowledge. I feel a weight of something lifted that gives me hope my next 3 days will not feel quite so haunted and may even be a bit nice :)
Second, I bought in to one of these people. As a people leader I have the strange gift of being given regular feedback about my personality/ how I come across to others. Subsequently I am pretty confident in saying I demonstrate empathy, intuition and logic above most other things (which i appreciate kind of sound contradictory but it seems to work haha). But, i spent 6 years hiding my experiences, accepting someone else opinions on every aspect of my life as gospel and punishing myself as often as I was punished by my partner. When I finally left after realizing I might die and decided I didn't want to, it still took me years to tell people what had happened and to lose the shame of what I had "allowed" to happen and my effective support of the situation i showed by staying in it.
My best friend "knew" the whole time. Not the magnitude, but the theme of my reality. All she ever said to me was I will always be here and you deserve better. And finally, one day, I said please come and get me and I think so too.
I love that the theme of so much of this forum- articles, comments, community is continuing to try when things feel hopeless. This has always felt so worthwhile to me and today in this burbled post I guess I have realised why. Its what saved me- other people not giving up on me even when I was busy making home in a rabbit hole dungeon.
Beck. It's hard to know what to say in response to that, except - I'm in awe of your attitude, and appreciate you sharing. I can't imagine how odd and out of sorts it must seem returning. It's such a small, specific place, too. This may be a silly thing, but if you enjoy music - maybe do a walk around with a different soundtrack in your ears to the headspace you were in when you left. Rescore it. As I said - maybe a silly idea. But Dunedin can be pretty and it might help ease the way back in.
I love that you have suggested a rescoring of sorts. After watching your chat with nine inch nails I reflected on why I had never gotten into them during the period where everyone our age did. I realised it was because the music is confronting and raw and at that time so was my life. It would have been too much.
But that was my sound track today. How embarrassingly poetic. But thank you.
And also thank for this space and creating this community and for your work and efforts in general.
For someone I have never met you have had a more profound impact on my life than most people I have ❤
Hey Beck. Really cool words to read. Thankyou - and glad you feel that way. We're all in this thing together :)
I love how honest you are in this reply and I had the completely same reaction to this post, I too was in a relationship where it was get out or die at the end and even now I hide my experience to my family and friends because that shame is always there, like I let it happen to myself, when like you I was with a primary psychopath
I hope one day I’ll have your strength to be able to share and basically just wanted to say I love your reply and it really resonated with me 💖
Aroha to both of you for your courage, honesty and vulnerability. Welcome home and welcome back, Beck.
One of the things abusive partners (and groups) do is attack your sense of reality and your self worth, filling you up with doubt and shame. You are made 'bad', whilst they remain always 'good'. Isolated from others, it's truly a deep rabbit hole, a hall of mirrors where you're always wrong - repeatedly told you're not caring enough, not giving enough, not grateful enough. And you start to believe it.
People who haven't been through it often struggle to understand how hard it can be to leave. When we are abused by people who should care for us (whether as children or adults), at first, we don't stop loving them - we stop loving ourselves.
My heart goes out to both of you, full of compassion for what you've been through and so glad you've found your way out.
Thank you Lauren and Paul ❤ I am lost for words but will never forget either of yours x
This interview comes very well-timed for me, as it was only earlier this week that I was finally able to go back and read all of your QAnon posts. To be honest, I'd been avoiding Webworm since the summer when this became a frequent topic for you. Not personal - I also stopped going on Twitter and watching several hours of MSNBC each night, and instead attempted to replace reality with massive amounts of fantasy fiction. I didn't even realize how avoidant I'd become until this week, a few days after the election was called here in the US, when the air seemed to clear and it felt safe to consume the news again. I don't know if you've had other Americans tell you anything similar, but the shift in my state of my mind over the weekend was massive. I'm not even sure where to go from here.
Anyway, after reading all your QAnon stuff, a debriefing like this interview was definitely in order. I'm a psych person, and the professionalism and insight on Wilson's part are to be highly commended. I wish the MSM would talk to psych pros like this.
Completely agree with you about the total mental shift since the weekend. I may have actually said “today is the first day of the rest of my life” on Sunday morning, or something else equally chipper.
But I had the opposite experience with news. I hadn’t watched any news all year (except the first few weeks of lockdown in the spring) and then I just COULD NOT get enough of it from Election night through Saturday. As soon as the mental shift happened I felt the need to re-distance myself from media again (although I probably won’t delete the news apps until a successful inauguration...just in case).
I love how Trump can't fight the cold hard numbers that continue to come in. It's great. He's done.
I was just talking to my friend in LA today, and she said the same thing. It's just a shift. It's the idea that there won't be anther four years of a madman SHOUTING on Twitter. It's huge. I'm glad you feel good. And I totally understand why you avoided Webworm - I'm glad you did. It won't always be doom and gloom here - I want hope, and surprisingly - not always conspiracy stuff. It's just ended up here, for now. Thanks Alex. Keep being fucking cool.
So I read this when you first posted it (I enjoyed the first half so was waiting) and kind of took my time to process before commenting, and what I’ve been glad of over the past few months is that I’ve discovered webworm! You’re doing really great work and over the past almost year all the conspiracy theories combined with lockdowns have taken a massive toll on my mental health, I stopped sleeping at one point for a few weeks (not fun!) and I’ll be honest because of the lockdown in the UK I went about six months without speaking to another human in the flesh despite having friends, family and a boyfriend, so seeing your coverage of conspiracies has really helped me rationalise and make my anxiety be ok about what’s happening in the world and understand why the people who I know and love may be believing these conspiracies.
You’re doing amazing and I’m loving the site, it’s great to speak to people who see things the same way and have really similar experiences and I’m very grateful!
Hey Lauren. I know what you mean about the lack of sleep thing. What I didn't have to experience was the months of madness London went through (and is going through). Go easy on yourself. Easier said than done. But I reckon you're doing great. Thanks for being here.
The only thing that moves the needle toward empathy is being immersed in a society made up of different types of people. When I was on a vacation with my mom in Mexico we met up with Japanese cellist who traveled the world playing in different venues. She asked me about my school and my friends and I mentioned how I had friends from Cuba, Jamaica, Spain, Japan, Ireland, Korea, Colombia, Chile, Jewish friends (I live in Forest Hills, until I was 6 I thought most people were Jewish), and we all got along. She asked me if I went to an international school (they exist: The United Nations has two in NYC) and I said no, I just go to school in Queens. The same thing happened in high school but since it was bigger and pulled from even more neighborhoods, it was even more diverse. You heard different languages in the hallways, you learned about other people's holidays and that acknowledging that Christmas is not the only holiday celebrated in December is not an attempt to "cancel Christmas" and this was a Catholic school. Having those you perceive as different from you literally be thousands of miles away will always render them as others. You don't get to go into their homes. You don't get to try their foods. You don't see how hard they work or how they love their families. I have no clue how to solve this problem when so much of our country is still so segregated. Even when most kids go off to college, they tend to go to schools that look a lot like their hometowns. I have no clue how to fix any of this but a fun bit of trivia was the Trump (who is from Queens) lost his own Borough bigly.
Omg Paul is amazing!! So well written and compassionate. I'm currently doing my doctorate in clinical psychology and now want to switch to psychotherapy after reading that. I feel like I'll never get to that level. 😭. Was a wonderful read and timely. I've lost a close friend to the conspiracy crowd. I feel like I can't be around her at the moment. I can handle being with people who have different opinions (e.g. national voters). But this is more than a difference of opinion. Its deeper than that. I think it's a difference in values. Anyway thanks Paul, and as always thanks David