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Jess's avatar

I read this with interest, and it gave me a wee epiphany. I’ve observed people in my community who don’t do anything to help their rabbit-holed mates. I probably notice because I’m guilty of that too: I had a friend who got into Qanonsense and I literally did everything I wasn’t supposed to do according to cited experts and ultimately I didn’t help a friend either. It doesn’t sit well with me, how these poor confused souls in our lives are left to spin out with the rest of the nuts. But after reading this, it occurs to me that maybe it’s because TOO HARD BASKET & also WHO HAS THE TIME? Trying to extricate someone entails multiple difficult exhausting and painful conversations. You’d have to really love someone so so deeply to take the time and emotional energy to pull someone out of this cult. You’d need the patience and kindness of a saint and the temperament of a professionally-trained therapist and on top of that you’d need bottomless tolerance and thick skin and TIME. 2020: who has reserves of any of that? And the twist is that even if you really care about and love someone, once they go down the rabbit-hole they become so much less likeable. Conspiracy theories changed my friend from a genuinely funny, sweet, fun person into an angry, paranoid asshole. So I was an asshole too and did all the things I wasn’t supposed to do: confronted him angrily about his comments; challenged his beliefs harshly/derisively; and then cut him out of my life. I really loved and cared about this person, but I wouldn’t do the recommended mahi and now I’m thinking (maybe rationalising my failure as a friend) that I COULDN'T do it. Your therapist mentioned grieving the loss of a relationship and I do get that. There's fury and frustration and exhaustion but gosh there's the grief. It's horrible. I have another shit-rant about the crying-with-laughter emoji I’d like to get off my chest but I’ve said too much for now. Thanks for creating this space.

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Linda Craig's avatar

Another great post David! Thank you. So glad that you have found a therapist helpful to you. Hes obviously very insightful and gives great advice. Its not easy to remember to not get totally frustrated and pissed and alienate conspirators! Its draining dealing with this shit so those of us fighting it need to support each other and stick together! Looking forward to part two.

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