The Life and Death of Alex

6000 messages show the real story behind the horrific reporting on the death of a trans teen.

Note: This story contains sensitive content, including discussion of eating disorders and disordered eating. Please read with caution. If you want to get in touch with me about this - or any other story - in confidence, you can email Webworm here: davidfarrier@protonmail.com

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Hi,

Last week, Radio New Zealand published a story about a 17-year old trans man who had tragically died, alone, in 2023.

It was an extensive, detailed piece from journalist Ruth Hill — over 3500 words spelling out, in vivid detail, aspects of the teen’s life and eventual death due to anorexia.

It’s shocking to read personal details of a young person’s struggles, and death — but what makes all of this so repugnant is that the story isn’t really a story. It’s a thinly veiled piece of political advocacy, which uses the death of a young trans person to push an anti-trans agenda.

RNZ’s story chose to completely ignore the dead trans man’s identity, referring to him as a female named Vanessa.

In fact, “Vanessa” preferred the name Alex.

Thanks to RNZ, Alex’s identity and story has been erased, replaced with a fiction.

Webworm knows this, because it has access to 6000 messages that Alex posted online in the year leading up to his death.

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Radio New Zealand’s Narrative

Note: Webworm has chosen not to link to the RNZ story out of respect to Alex. The story does not deserve the clicks or internet traffic. Relevant parts of the story will be summarised in this piece. For the sake of documentation, Webworm has made an archived version of Ruth Hill’s piece available here.

RNZ’s story is told nearly entirely through the lens of Alex’s parents, who refused to accept their son’s gender identity.

Hill and RNZ decided to do exactly the same thing — misgendering and deadnaming Alex throughout the entire piece, starting in the article’s fourth sentence:

The 13-year-old girl in the photo, whom RNZ is calling “Vanessa” at the parents' request, is dark-eyed and dark-haired like the teen's mother.

They never stop.

The piece is riddled with misinformation and transgender stereotypes, like that being trans is some kind of wacky decision kids make after hearing about gender stuff:

At high school, she was also introduced to the concept of gender diversity and at some point in 2021 became non-binary.

The piece goes on, regurgitating the idea that Alex’s trans identity was a product of his other mental health problems, and implying that health services let him die because they were too focused on affirming his identity.

The couple allege that while attentive to their child's gender identity, various care professionals failed to adequately respond to the threat from a long-standing eating disorder.

There is talk of a psychologist who Alex’s parents say believed their son was, “using the transgender identity as a mask for her continuing anorexia.”

The Spinoff has written two excellent pieces already about many of the issues with this piece — here and here.

The article goes on and on, using parental grief as a vessel for a host of inaccurate and harmful views on trans people.

What’s even more alarming is that all this speculation about the reasons for Alex’s death is going on before the coroner in New Zealand has released its official report into the death.

Paul Thistoll, head of Rights Aotearoa (formerly Countering Hate Speech Aotearoa) has already made a complaint to the coroner, saying, “The RNZ article contains speculative assertions about the circumstances of V's death that, in our view, inappropriately pre-empt the coronial process.”

Thistoll goes on to note the “speculative narrative being promoted appears designed to prejudice public opinion regarding the circumstances of V's death before your investigation can establish the facts through proper judicial process. This premature narrative construction may make it more difficult for the public to accept findings that differ from the predetermined storyline being promoted.”

He plans to file further complaints with the Broadcasting Standards Authority and the Human Rights Commission.

Thistoll’s point about “appearing designed to prejudice public opinion” is worth noting, because as soon as RNZ published its piece, a very specific part of the internet erupted in an orgy of back slapping and congratulations.

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The Story Is Celebrated

When RNZ went live with the story, the anti-trans movement on Elon Musk’s X platform started celebrating. They had reason to be happy: one of New Zealand’s most trusted broadcasters had filed their dream story.

Anti-trans activist Ani O’Brien immediately thanked Fern Hickson of Resist Gender Education NZ for her “hard and determined work”. Webworm understands Hickson had put in some effort to get the story in front of RNZ in the first place.

Throughout the day, O’Brien continued to share RNZ’s story multiple times, saying that V died while authorities “played gender games”. The posts were shared hundreds of times. Thousands of likes accumulated throughout the day.

The story spread and spread in these anti-trans circles, Father Ted creator-turned-TERF Graham Lineham retweeting the article multiple times.

The story was now viral (and syndicated on both New Zealand’s biggest news site Stuff, and biggest broadcast news site, 1News) further weaponized by those using Alex’s death for their own agenda.

The glee from the anti-trans community was telling. It’s almost as if Ruth Hill’s story was exactly what they’d wanted, delivering a narrative tailor-made to their prejudices, while omitting peers or advocates who could speak up for Alex.

Alex had no voice.

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In Alex’s Words: 6000 Messages From 2022-2023

RNZ’s piece constructed a narrative largely set by Alex’s parents — one that erased both their son’s identity and story.

Its article is missing Alex: his thoughts, his identity, his story.

In July of 2022, Alex joined an online forum that focused on harm reduction for those struggling with eating disorders. Webworm spoke to Angel, the forum moderator, who confirmed Alex’s IP address and other details he’d shared matched the location and dates mentioned in RNZ’s story.

Webworm has also seen all these details. They match.

“He was extremely active on our forum,” says Angel. “I believe the article misrepresents Alex’s life, voice, and the reality of his situation.”

Webworm has viewed thousands of messages Alex posted during 2022 and up until his death in 2023. Alex was meticulous at documenting his life and struggles online, while also offering advice and insight to other users.

Angel watched all of this unfold in real time, attempting to help as much as they could.

“I want to say that Alex did not want to die from his eating disorder, and I fully believe that he would still be here today if he had been accepted for his identity. He had a deep profound love for people, his parents and family especially, even though by his own admission they failed him.

He would still be alive if not for the countless individuals and systems that failed him.”

The messages posted by Alex show, in often agonising and heartfelt detail, his fight with anorexia and desperation to be accepted for who he was.

They also paint a portrait of an incredibly empathetic person, who was there to help others on the forum dealing with similar issues.

Alex offering their thoughts to another forum user.

There are too many messages to post; and Webworm has deemed many not appropriate to share due to their graphic descriptions of his eating disorder.

But what we have is Alex in his own words, during 2022 and 2023. Those words give voice to something entirely absent from RNZ’s story — his perspective. They tell his story from his own point of view.

It’s an incredibly honest insight into what it was like for Alex to be Alex.

“I just… I want to get this out somewhere,” he wrote. In light of RNZ’s story, Alex’s wish seems fair.

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Alex, on Being Alex:

RNZ: Their only child was able to keep them at a distance on the grounds they did not accept the teen was transgender - an identity the parents say the teen later abandoned.

Alex: My parents act like I never came out to them... casually misgender and deadname me even when talking to others... even just seeing my deadname makes me so upset :'/ They sent me a text just now that was forwarded to one of my caregivers asking questions about me moving out and it's all "she" "her" "<deadname>" and ugh I wanna cry but I can'ttt.

RNZ: The 13-year-old girl in the photo, whom RNZ is calling "Vanessa" at the parents' request, is dark-eyed and dark-haired like the teen's mother.

Alex: Well, I do not go by my birth name any more as hearing / seeing it makes me very uncomfortable. I am trans and don't really associate that name with myself at all anymore really. I've been going by different names (Alex for about one year) for about 2 years now.

RNZ: “She didn't want to see us because she didn't want us to know how bad it was, the anorexia,” Catherine says softly.

Alex: My parents are very transphobic and still very unaccepting so no matter how excited I got about something LGBTQ+ related I know I wouldn't be able to show them or else they'd freak out. Sending you hugs 💙

RNZ: The Rape Crisis counsellor who helped the family through the ghastly aftermath warned her parents that puberty was often a trigger point for children who had suffered trauma.

Alex: Nope I don't bother with that kind of stuff at all! I guess all the years of waxing my mum forced me (well not forced but very heavily encouraged and would get upset and defensive if I said no) to go through was enough to make me completely hate it lol. My underarm hair might be getting a bit out of hand to be honest but I don't think it'd even be worth it to have at it with a razor at this point.

[...]

this brought back memories of when both my mum and dad used to comment on my hairy legs, calling me a monkey and insisting it was disgusting / unhygienic without ever explaining why.

RNZ: “And that's exactly what happened to Vanessa. She was nearly 12, just at the start of puberty, when anorexia hit.”

Alex: I too developed an ED at around the age of 12, was put into hospital several times and had been sent to a (truly, truly hellish) treatment centre twice by the age of fourteen. I underwent forced recovery and outpatient weigh-ins for several years (I'm nearly seventeen now, and only recently "properly" relapsed). I wanted nothing more than to just be left alone with my ED.

RNZ: Vanessa became increasingly argumentative, and even violent towards them, Catherine said.

Alex: often daily there'd be screaming and crying and fighting but sometimes I'd just shut off and my Mum etc would say "you see, you're not even crying, I bet you'd be crying if we did X".

RNZ: Several times they were forced to barricade themselves in a room and call the police.

Alex: My mother often defended my Dad's shitty (and occasionally violent) behaviour by saying that I was "pushing him to the edge with all this" like no, hitting your child and screaming in their face is never okay.

RNZ: In a letter to the judge, her father described his fears for her life, which (as he now notes) "seem sadly prescient": ‘Before you, you see my beautiful, vibrant, inquisitive daughter, with an intelligence well beyond her tender years. What you cannot see is the year or more of anguish, hopelessness and tears that began when our warm and wonderfully ordinary family life was turned upside down by the arrogant, manipulative and destructive mental illness called Anorexia Nervosa.’

Alex: Nonetheless, I feel I cannot omit from this entry that deep down, that lingering "core belief" (as one of my previous psychologists would've called it) of being a leech, a fraud, manipulative, someone who at the end of the day is just a drama queen - not really sick with an ED at all, or anything, it's all just fabricated - remains.

RNZ: “At high school, she was also introduced to the concept of gender diversity and at some point in 2021 became non-binary.”

Alex: Oh man... I really feel for you. My parents were the same way when I came as nonbinary (I don't identify as that anymore, but still). They to this day refuse to use my name and pronouns, call me their daughter (God that's even weird for me to type out tbh), my Dad would deliberately make gross gendered comments... they were (are!) also straight-up transphobic but denied it. The list goes on.

RNZ: However, Catherine said immediately after a messy break-up with the boyfriend, Vanessa started identifying as a boy.

Alex: Does my one and only "relationship" count? It lasted 11 months though towards the end (like month 9 or 10...?) we barely spoke to each other and I think we were actively avoiding each other, so it should have been broken off long before it got to that point. I saw in a screenshot of a text he sent to his new girlfriend that apparently he'd lost romantic interest in me since month FOUR... if that was true and he wasn't just trying to hurt me / be an asshole, does that mean all the times he said he loved me after that point was a complete lie? I still wonder about that sometimes 🤔

RNZ: “The psychiatrist recommended not affirming Vanessa's transgender identity.”

Alex: With my psychiatrist it was really weird bc the first time I came out to her since it was really rushed and I didn't want my parents to hear. Since I wasn't very clear with my wording, I got the sense that she didn't really believe me.

The second time I was more upfront and gave her the piece of paper with dysphoric rants and thoughts scribbled all over it. Unfortunately some of it was hard to read, which made it super awkward. At one point she literally asked me "So you... want boy parts?" and well you can imagine how that made me feel icky af lol-

Since then, during Zoom meetups, she has misgendered and deadnamed me (including to my caregiver, who corrected her, when she thought I wasn't nearby smh) but on our third Zoom call she finally started to get it right. I sense that she kinda is unaware about the whole ~trans thing~

RNZ: “The Dean rang, said we were being ridiculous, and gave Vanessa special permission to wear her own trousers at school, thus undermining both us and the psychiatrist who had known Vanessa for five years.”

Alex: Yeah I'm not going to go for hormones or gender affirming surgeries (it's not mutilation /nm) until I am probably in my twenties, just to be sure this is what I want. I agree about social transition being harmless - hell the bare minimum of what I wanted was a haircut and a change of clothes. WHY DID THEY THINK THAT WAS HARMFUL? I could barely look at myself in the mirror anymore, and always tied my hair back. I really wanted a binder as well but like my Mum was ever gonna get me one of those, lol. I slouched a lot to try to hide my chest and all my Mum would do is complain about "how saddened" she is to see me like that. So then please fucking allow me to have some sort of relief??? And you are right, they are essentially dinosaurs; my parents are in their 60s lol

RNZ: Vanessa didn't have a phone yet. There were rules about handing in the computer at a certain time each night but it was a battle every day.

Alex: Yes, my parents were strict. So much so that they became incredibly overbearing to the point of being so suffocating that I had to move out. I felt like I couldn't do anything without them breathing down my neck, watching my every move. I couldn't go out without them demanding where I was going, couldn't even use my laptop when I liked - only for exactly 6 hours during school hours, and if I handed it in a minute late I'd be punished in some way - and a phone? Pfft, in my dreams.

They had some very strange ideas regarding "deserving privacy" and curfews (some examples: Dad often raided my room in search of something / said he'd raid my room to threaten me; they thought it was normal to have access to all of your kid's private conversations / passwords; I was not allowed out of my room earlier than 6:00 AM or past 9:30 PM except for the toilet only; having the door closed and not wanting someone to come in apparently meant I was "up to something"). Towards the end they even went as far as installing a program on my laptop that tracked everything I did and blocked anything fun from Discord, Reddit, Instagram, YouTube, and other social medias to fucking SPOTIFY and Google Images lmao (I was especially upset about Discord & Spotify...).

When I was younger it wasn't so bad. Looking back, they were firm - there were rules and boundaries, but not so clear-cut and suffocating if you catch my drift. Just normal stuff like no swearing, no adult movies etc. The extreme rules mostly got worse with my ED and when I came out as trans... yeah, especially after I came out. That really set off their "concerned" radars and they did everything in their power to control everything I did so I wouldn't further get "brainwashed". That was a lot more words than I thought there'd be... honestly I don't even know if that's a fraction of the crazy strict stuff they did.

RNZ: Vanessa/V left home in March 2022.

Alex: She still does not see me as her son, said she "feels like she has to walk on eggshells" around me in regards to my name and pronouns and identity :neutral_face:, and my Dad and I do not speak at all - she is very close to him and so even if her and I were to miraculously make up again, I still wouldn't be able to live with them together because of that. [...] Too many hurtful words were said during screaming matches... things could never be the same. Not to be all woe-is-me, but it does make me really sad sometimes; part of me wishes I could just live with them again but I know now that me moving out was for the best.

RNZ: “It rapidly escalated into a battle over the device ... very quickly we both realised she had something to hide (hence the screaming and determination to hold the computer).”

Alex: I used to be big on food photography, and ran an Instagram and everything, but up until recently I've never had my own phone/camera so when my parents stopped approving/Mum didn't let me use her phone anymore so I couldn't continue. I still do put effort into photos I take, though - I also love messing around with editing and stuff. Let's just say, I certainly would think it awesome if I could have my own professional camera! I just don't know what I'd take photos of with it :sweatsmile:

RNZ: “My daughter wrote in her diary the only reason she kept eating was because she didn't want to go back to hospital.”

Alex: I was SA'd by one of the nurses during my second stay at the unit, who mocked me and told me no one would believe me. I did tell, but I'm fairly sure the only fucking consequence she faced was having to take some leave. She still kept her job because the way the Police interrogated me was just so fucked and rushed that I couldn't speak. My overall experience in that ward was pretty awful too, some of the other patients committed actual crimes and were nasty towards me in general as well as a few lying, control freak nurses.

I really wish I could see a doctor, but my past experiences with them have all been that they force you to do things that you don't want to do. For context, I have been forced into hospital many times against my will when I did not medically need it (healthy BMI and very normal blood test results etc.) and as a result have grown suspicious of doctors. I'm sixteen and therefore a minor in my country, and while yes I am beginning to get a little scared for my health, I wouldn't want to go through the hell that is hospitalization all over again.

My current GP is also quite a while away (I had to move out of where I was living before and haven't switched doctors since then) so I'm not even sure how I'd see him.

RNZ: “Her father became introverted and silent.”

Alex: I kind of shouldn't bc of some of the things he's said and done (extreme, and I'm talking EXTREME transphobia) but... fuck. I miss my dad. My mum said that since I left, he had some sort of accident that has left one side of his face paralyzed... possibly permanently... apparently he's also very depressed now and hardly ever goes out in the garden, which used to be his favourite thing to do... and well, he said he wanted me to leave and he was intentionally making it horrible for me at home so I'd leave faster (he said this)... but I do miss him. I do. And I miss when we were closer when we were younger. Now I have no one... no one except my ED... no one... I'm crying now... no one except my ED cares about me... no one cares... no one cares

RNZ: “We were so relieved that Vanessa was now talking to us again that we didn't press to see her. Slowly we began to rebuild our relationship.”

Alex: GREAT!! Just got deadnamed (by my mother over the phone) for the first time in like months :))) 🔫

Spoke to my mum for like an hour and a half outside. It wasn't the most pleasant, she kept trying to bring up uncomfy topics, and deadnamed me twice. I had my dinner of udon + miso and an apple. My stomach hurts. Once the food settles I'm gonna walk the dog.

RNZ: At the same time, Vanessa's relationship with the host family broke down.

Alex: I also texted my mum via WhatsApp today "Happy Father's Day". I don't really know why I did this […] our relationship in the past 5 years had only become increasingly toxic... but maybe I've mentioned before that I feel a strange sort of sympathy towards him... like a sort of sadness that it could have been better... and that's why I passively try to reach out.

She told me to text him myself - no chance. He's made no effort to reach out to his own kid in over 6 months - well, technically years really, since that's how long it's been since we have had an actual heart-to-heart conversation. Maybe I sound like an entitled brat. But I was talking with one of my caregivers the other day and he said he just can't wrap his head around how my parents could just stop talking to their kid like that so... hm.

RNZ: Catherine said it was not only the 16-year-old who excluded them from her life, but also the small army of professionals in health, education and welfare agencies, who had assumed responsibility for their child's care.

Alex: >Mum deadnames me on phone
>I say "Alex" but tbh I'm not even directly correcting her, I'm more just affirming myself really
>She INSTANTLY gets offended, says "I'M NOT DOING THAT!! I'M HANGING UP"
>ACTUALLY FUCKING HANGS UP IN THE MIDDLE OF AN IMPORTANT CONVERSATION.
How much more pathetic and blatantly transphobic can you get jfc

She's literally sending me all caps texts now bruh 💀

She has been literally spouting transphobic rants for the past half an hour and called me an extremist just now, despite her being the one using "shouty" texts and being horrible. LITERALLY SHE STARTED WITH ALL THIS BECAUSE I UTTERED MY FUCKING NAME tell me again who is the oversensitive snowflake???

Genuinely shaking and feeling like my heart is gonna explode can he just get off the phone

I'm being kicked out tomorrow. Will have to go back to hellhole, pack, and then be in a motel by tomorrow night. This is all happening so incredibly fast went from 0 to 100 real fucking quick help help help

Applied for Emergency Housing. Will still have to go to hellhole. Motel by tomorrow night. Free first 7 nights. Don't know how I'm gonna find a place after that. Might have to stay in dreaded [redacted] but God fuck fuck fuck fuck

RNZ: “V told me this was the safest they had felt for years, here with us.”

Alex: I told her that she and her husband were the best hosts I'd ever had, she said bless you and I think got teary-eyed too (it's hard for me to tell sometimes), we exchanged a hug... and then she commented that she did worry about me being very thin when she hugged me and that she was "gonna have to feed you up, aren't I?" So uhm… that did spook me a bit.

[...]

The lady owner is just so... motherly in a way. I mean she has kids so it makes sense, but seriously she is so just kind. I definitely don't imagine any other motel owner offering to make a guest's bed just like that... her generosity is just so astounding, I'll never stop gushing about it. Anyway, I'm feeling quite tired right now - more awake than before for sure though. Mum [...]... it's still in the back of my mind.

[...]

Deep down I know my body is weakening by the day, I really can feel it, but I'm determined to persevere. I will keep looking for positives; today I was shown great acts of kindness, compassion, and vulnerability. In some aspects I did find ways to say no to the ED. I had a nice shower, and a nice dinner. I feel content right now.

RNZ: She found out later that V had persuaded another guest to make it for them.

Alex: A kind lady from another motel made the bed earlier for me, so maybe I'll just sit in the clean sheets and wait for death now. Or will I. Or should I call an ambulance. I'm standing in the bathroom, laptop on sink. Heart palpitations. Holding on. I don't know how I'm alive like this... acknowledge this, yet at the same time be so fixated... on... a number.

RNZ: “They were a lovely person - we laughed and chatted, it was a pleasure to know them and I'm just really happy that - at least for the time they were here - they enjoyed themselves, they felt safe, they were comfortable.”

Alex: Just got back from putting in another load of laundry (filthy hoodies and a couple more shirts) with K. We had yet another talk about parents and stuff - she gave me some advice on what to do when their manipulative voices start to creep in again, and used doing washing as an example. You see, my mother was always extremely particular about how she went about it, and that's influenced how I do mine now greatly (I shared this with K), so much so that when it's suggested I do it another way (washing a dark red and black together instead of separately, God forbid!) I remember her words and get quite anxious.

K advised me, "when those thoughts creep in, you've gotta learn to say fuck 'em - I can do my washing how I want! I'm gonna take control of my OWN life. Put a positive spin on it." I shared a little more about the things they did, like with the room curfews and extremely close monitoring; her reaction was one of shock.

RNZ: Her parents said subsequently, Vanessa phoned her father and then her mother to say she was "seriously questioning the 'gender identity thing'" and wanted them to know she was indeed their daughter.

Alex: As I was putting the drawer away, my room phone rang - turns out it was my fucking mother. I asked her how she got my room number - "so you had to use my name then, Alex? To get the extension? I'm impressed." She said yes, that she "had to say what you are known by now". She then immediately launched into a rant; "you got me worked up in a state for not answering your phone all of yesterday. You had me worried sick." What on Earth?! Anyway I somehow got wrapped up in a dumb conversation with her. Towards the end of it I asked "hey so if you can use my name to get my room number, how about you try using it now in a sentence for me?" She refused. "If you can do it for the receptionist, why not for me? Why not for me?"

I don't know why I got so upset but I did. I just kept repeating "so you'd do it for someone else but not for me" over and over as she was trying to wiggle out of it "it's not good to talk about this over the phone" (nooo of course it fucking isn't) so I just hung up. Because I'm tired of her transphobia and her bullshit.

RNZ: A GP appointment was booked for the next week - by then, however, the teenager would already be dead.

Alex: EVERYONE at Youth Office noticed weight loss, apparently. One said that they would call the doctor for an appointment within the week if I hadn't already when I fell to my knees, couldn't get up (obviously did manage to in the end but). Youth Coach didn't seem to be too worried; he did notice the loss but just told him autistic + exercise burnout he didn't seem too suspicious that I wanted to stand the whole time. In fact he was all cheery about it "well then let's both stand!". Like LOL okay dude :hollow:

Youth Worker who mentioned that she would make an appointment for a doctor if I hadn't already (I tried to convince her I just got a bit too interested in the walking and that I was trying to put on weight now with pies etc. etc.) found a car to take me home instead of bus. She saw I had to lift each leg as I got out.

RNZ: “I do not understand why no-one called an ambulance that day,” Catherine said.

Alex: Wait. So my Housing First worker just came to see me. She was worried too. Kinda said same thing to her, I want a couple of weeks to myself no IRL contact just "resting from extreme burnout". She said she'd see about a phone call arrangement as an exception. Perspective has shifted... again. Maybe. [...] I'm in wonderland... floating... cloud... :lotus_twitter:

RNZ: Catherine said Vanessa last left her motel room on a Thursday.

Alex: I finally managed to get a hold of my mother to tell her I loved her after getting so desperate, that I called my DAD when she didn't answer at first. She cried, I made a joke about dying overnight from (TMI) constipation (we'd both had problems with it way back, she still does daily, I guess I do too though) she laughed and said to just eat more prunes. Swallowing's hard. I don't know how much time I have. I blink and hear popping sounds.

RNZ: “At the scene, the Police corrected us when we used Vanessa's name and insisted on using a male name and pronouns,” remembers Catherine.

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He/Him

In his last posts before he died, it is clear that Alex still yearns for his parents full love and acceptance.

After that :blobcry: emoji, Alex went on.

So my beautiful friend made a list of things we talked about during our call:

- Your current situation and how hard it is right now.

- How thin you actually are and how dangerous your medical state is, including your body failing in various ways whether it be the inability to use the left side of your body, or that your speech is so very slurred...

- How good it would be if I could take you into my home

- You then asked to see my face and even though I've never shown my face to anyone on Discord (or any social media), I trust you so I put my camera on so you could see me (:mc_sparklingcookie:)

- I got to see your face in return... so thin but so handsome

- We talked about how you do genuinely look like a he/him and you showed me some very nice photos of yourself

Alex’s friend had told them he genuinely looked like a he/him. That’s all Alex had ever wanted.

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Angel — who perhaps knew Alex more than many — has been reflecting on RNZ’s story too. About how their friend was portrayed, and how that portrayal has now spread like wildfire across social media.

“As somebody who has experience with welfare systems and their typical standard of care, many people die like this because these systems favour those who speak out and advocate for themselves over those who suffer quietly.

But even though Alex was afraid of being controlled and abused and hid his disorder, he wanted to live and be himself and be free, and he expressed this countless times.

At no point did he ever renounce his identity or blame it for his eating disorder or vice versa. This was not a phase for him or a case of a teenage girl coping with heartbreak and trauma. His account made it clear that he was traumatized and that things got significantly worse after he came out as trans. Recovery and healing starts in the home.

Alex deserved a home.”

Alex deserved a home, and so many other things. Things he openly spoke about online.

I'd like to get a well-paying job, travel the world, live in Hawaii, somehow get over my fucking awful procrastination habits and get really damn book smart, get PHD's and degrees in something (Engineering?? Physics??), possibly physically transition, and get a girlfriend lmao.

Alex deserved the future he’d dreamed of.

David.

To prevent further loss of life, we need to help families support trans young people, ensure medical and social services are equipped to understand and respond to their needs, and resource community organisations to wrap support around them. Here is a list of resources and support services working to achieve these ends: www.webworm.co/p/transresources

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This story can be shared freely: www.webworm.co/p/lifeanddeathofalex