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Cate&Warren's avatar

A quiet corner of the pub

B.Hello God, it’s me Billy

V. I’m here too God, me, Vinnie

( drinking noises)

B What do you want from us God? What wisdom do you have?

( silence)

V. I think, I think God wants us to be free

B. Freedom is important

( silence, drinking noises)

V. I also think God wants us to be both resolute about our action, but confused about the consequence.

B. I don’t quite understand

V. No I also don’t understand!

( drinking noises)

B But we’re determined?

V We are!

( silence)

B. What’s that God? You want us to bring other people along on our resolute yet confusing action?

V. I think he does

( silence)

B. And, what’s that you say? For those people to also bring along money?

V. Yes, lots of money I think I heard you say God. For freedom.

( silence, drinking noises)

B. We absolutely need to get lots of money

V. Definitely. No confusion at all there

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David Farrier's avatar

d e a d

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Susan's avatar

How many anti-vaxxers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

None. They prefer to stay in the dark. They believe the lightbulb is a government conspiracy to monitor them.

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Theo Harlan's avatar

I woke my dog up laughing.

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David Farrier's avatar

Of any sound to be woken up to, a good one

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Tim N's avatar

The classic “I do not understand” defence. Poor cops — last thing they need to be dealing with.

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David Farrier's avatar

Yeah, they do have better things to do. Not a giant fan of the NZ Police, but I did feel for them here.

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Beck's avatar

It makes me so angry that Brian T uses avoiding vaccination as a test of faith.

Thats sick as fuck. His points also specifically detail that he does not understand:

1) the bible verse he is quoting

2) how immune systems/ human bodies work

3) how vaccines function and what being vaccinated actually means

Its just embarrassing sharing a species with some people

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David Farrier's avatar

Thing is - I bet he was first in line to get that fucking vaccine - he is just posturing to his congregation. He sucks so hard. So much sucking. He's a human stain.

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Beck's avatar

Oh undoubtedly. Sucks to the absolute max

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Chuck Tingle's avatar

i am so dang thankful to get these newsletters in my inbox so many stories i would not be aware of and i am learning about all kinds of scoundrels from around the world in interesting way. i had not heard of these scoundrels and this was intense look thank you bud

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David Farrier's avatar

Thanks Chuck - this is SUCH a local NZ story, but it's my hope the madness and theatrical nature of it means it will make sense to you Americans! I think in this case it transcended cultural boundaries!

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Sara's avatar

I made the mistake of reading that transcription at my desk in a quiet office and subsequently dribbled coffee down myself trying to guffaw silently.

David, your writing never fails to affect me in one way or another, and today I laughed my ass off. Thank you!

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David Farrier's avatar

Love a good coffee dribble. Always leave a great stain! Glad you got a laugh from it. I try and balance the non-laughs with laughs here, for sure - best medicine etc.

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Zara Hayden's avatar

Hahaha yes, hilarious. Go David!

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Claudia's avatar

wow batshit

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ES Kilbride's avatar

Best two word summary ever!

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David Farrier's avatar

Eloquent and accurate

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Kate's avatar

That was so great, your use of caps and font size was masterful.

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David Farrier's avatar

It felt good to use font size for something creative, not just headings!

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Kiki Van Newtown's avatar

The exclamation points after! every! sentence! were also chef's kiss.

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David Farrier's avatar

Listening to him talk provided no other option

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Chris's avatar

I feel for those poor Police Officers who had to deal with them.

Of course, as soon as they're away from their supporters they drop nuts and comply ...

Unfortunately, they'll probably be back out in a few hours.

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Susan's avatar

As an American I’m shocked at how nice the cops were to them. That civility doesn’t apply to cops arresting protesters here in the States.

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David Farrier's avatar

The cops in NZ never really treat white people badly - but yeah, faced with this --

I mean, they are there to keep the peace. Volatile situation. The end of the day - a pathetic crowd that was never going to cause much trouble, well handled by the cops.

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Sam L.'s avatar

You can’t make this shit up. I should have been off to sleep, but now I can’t stop laughing at their demise. Thank you, David, as always.

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David Farrier's avatar

Pleasure.

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Plague Craig's avatar

"I will not stand down" oddly becomes "I will consent" when there's no-one between you and the cops

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Eliot's avatar

Did I see twitter people asking for the transcript to be set to music? Someone must do it. Right now I'm imagining highly emotional German or Phantom of the Opera style death scene.

"Poor me I'm so misunderstood, why do you hurt me? I'm dying now, dying. yeees I'm really dying, I'll be dead soon. Ah I'm so sad. Come to me now friends, i must depart. Death is near. Ohhhhh.

Dying just a bit more. You've paid a lot to see this so I'll hang on a bit longer... Remember me when I'm gone. Ah this is the end..."

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David Farrier's avatar

This one is quite good - not music, but a good mix nonetheless: https://twitter.com/StrayDogNZ/status/1428143712651997187

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Zara Hayden's avatar

Ohhh so good! Thanks for sharing this. Good to get the day started with some laughter.

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Carrie's avatar

OMG, imagine if Lubalin would cover this!!!

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Mikaela's avatar

Next level unhinged. I know that you can't logic any of their thinking into making sense, but I would argue that spreading a potentially deadly virus to people is, in fact, violent. That transcription absolutely made me laugh out loud, it's actually better than the video!

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David Farrier's avatar

The second I saw that video I knew it needed to be transcribed.

This newsletter was originally going to be *just* the transcription, with maybe a short intro from me. But then came the context, and then Brian Tamaki and the Lonely guy, then the setup of who these men are and what lead up to it -

Point is, I had finished my day then that happened and I ended up typing for a very long time and I am overjoyed you liked it and did some laughing.

And yes - you are right. It is violence.

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Quirks's avatar

holy crap! Insane! Did I just see the false prophets / Mrs Doubt Pfizer’s getting their arses handed to them by the PoPo? That’s the most ridiculously dramatic & poorly acted Pop up theatre I’ve ever seen. Nuttier than squirrel shite. Thanks David.

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David Farrier's avatar

Very well acted. And it was a show, I thing. Real or acted, it was maximum pathetic.

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Mona-Lynn's avatar

Nuttier than squirrel shite! Awesome!

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Mothy's avatar

PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE. I need Werner Herzog to do a dramatic reading of the arrest transcription. Someone make this happen.

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David Farrier's avatar

Whilst I would love him to do this I really think I should leave him to make his next film! Maybe a Werner voice impersonator? :P

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