RIP: Billy TK Jnr & Vinnie Eastwood
New Zealand's two major conspiracy theorist dimwits finally get arrested. This is how it went down
Today, New Zealand was put into Level 4 lockdown as a Covid-19 case was found in the community. It was the Delta variant, and so New Zealand — with its elimination strategy (which has seen an incredibly low death rate as a result) — was told to stay at home.
Immediately the worst New Zealanders had something to say. Pastor Brian Tamaki immediately posted lies and disinformation about the Covid-19 vaccine:
And Lonely Lingerie owner Steve Ferguson — also a big QAnon fan — had this to say, after opening his new Lonely Lingerie store on LA’s Melrose Ave:
You know who else wasn’t happy? Two of New Zealand’s biggest conspiracy peddlers, Billy TK Jnr and Vinnie Eastwood.
I’ve previously written here about how failed politician Billy TK Jnr got red-pilled during the last New Zealand election. Vinnie Eastwood is an extreme conspiracy theorist I’ve also covered on Webworm.
Both men are at the extreme end of conspiracy theory believe, and they’ve taken great joy in spreading as much disinformation as they possibly could during the pandemic.
Along the way they’ve gathered some fairly unpleasant fans. In this piece, I documented their fanbase targeting me for what I’d been writing. They were a cheery lot:
So last night — as most New Zealanders prepared to spend the next days in lockdown — Billy TK Junior and Vinnie Eastwood were getting shitfaced at the pub, talking about how they’d protest the next day:
You can watch Billy TK Jnr livestreaming whilst drunk here. And you can watch Vinnie Eastwood livestreaming whilst drunk here.
Today, both men kept their promises and protested the lockdown.
And both men were arrested.
Because this is 2021 and everyone — sane and idiotic alike — are livestreaming, both arrests were broadcast. By the men themselves.
Billy TK’s arrest was surprisingly boring, yet still satisfactory:
Vinnie Eastwood’s was something else entirely. We’ll get to that soon.
To be clear — both men were putting other New Zealanders in danger. Including themselves, and those who’d shown up for the protest they’d encouraged. Remember — this is country without Covid-19, attempting to stop any further community spread from taking place.
Taking their actions into account, Billy and Vinnie are two the most selfish New Zealanders we have, their brains seemingly full of worms.
Will they take being arrested as proof of all their conspiratorial ideas? Of course. But in a cell they won’t be endangering anyone. And they may — possibly — learn that actions have consequences. It depends a little on what — if any — charges they face.
So yes, I’m glad this has happened.
And more importantly, it gave us one of the most unhinged, theatrical and truly pathetic public performances of the year.
It took place shortly after Billy TK Jnr had been lead away by police.
It happened as Vinnie Eastwood live-streamed his impending fate.
For your entertainment, I have included the video below — and also transcribed Vinnie Eastwood’s truly passionate speech for you.
A speech by New Zealand conspiracy theorist Vinnie Eastwood, as the police close in:
“Please surround me!
Please protect me!
Please my friends, be calm!
Do not be angry! Do not be upset! But I do not consent!
Please stand by my side!
Please protect me from arrest!
I have a one year old daughter and a wife at home that I want to return home to!
I haven’t seen them in days!
Editors note: as previously mentioned Vinnie Eastwood was getting drunk in the pub last night with Billy TK Jnr instead of spending time with his wife and daughter:
They miss me! And I miss them!
I do not understand!
AND I WILL NOT STAND DOWN!
But I will not be violent!
I will not be aggressive!
If you give me orders I will obey them, and I will keep the peace!
I will keep the peace!
Don’t be aggressive! Do not be antagonist! Please guys, please! Be calm! Be respectful!
I call unto the almighty God for his protection, for his strength, and his calm!
All of us! All of us! I do not accept! I do not understand! Peace and prosperity shall be this country’s right!
And I will not stand down and I will not be violent!
Please protect me ladies and gentlemen, please protect me!
Closer! Please project me please! I’ve got complex post traumatic stress from being arrested before and I still suffer with it today!
I’m in tears! I am frightened! I need your love! I need your solidarity! I need your support!
I love you all!
DAMN YOU FOR TAKING BILLY!
I need his strength and his calm with us right now!
We’ve got to move now! I need you!
You’ve got to watch my back! I need you to watch my front! I need you to watch my sides! Every step of every way!
Please! We are heading towards Auckland Central! Going down this way ladies and gentleman!
EVERYBODY CLUSTER CLUSTER CLUSTER PLEASE NOW THEY’RE ABOUT TO TAKE ME! THEY’RE GOING TO TRY AND TAKE ME
LOOK LOOK NOW NOW PLEASE CLUSTER AROUND ME PLEASE PROTECT ME PLEASE
PROTECT ME FROM THEM GUYS PLEASE PROTECT ME DO NOT LET THEM TAKE ME NOOOO DO NOT LET THEM TAKE MEEEEE STAND DOWN STAND DOWN I DO NOT UNDERSTAND I DO NOT STAND UNDER PLEASE PLEASE DON’T LET THEM TAKE DON’T LET THEM TAKE MEEEE
OK I WILL CONSENT
I WILL FOLLOW YOUR ORDERS, I WILL FOLLOW YOUR ORDERS, I WILL NOT RESIST, I WILL NOT RESIST, I WILL NOT RESIST”
With a final haunting frame of Vinnie Eastwood in sunnies, the stream finished. Cut off. Vanquished.
I think it’s time for a drink.
(additional reporting from Dylan Reeve)
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A quiet corner of the pub
B.Hello God, it’s me Billy
V. I’m here too God, me, Vinnie
( drinking noises)
B What do you want from us God? What wisdom do you have?
V. I think, I think God wants us to be free
B. Freedom is important
( silence, drinking noises)
V. I also think God wants us to be both resolute about our action, but confused about the consequence.
B. I don’t quite understand
V. No I also don’t understand!
( drinking noises)
B But we’re determined?
V We are!
B. What’s that God? You want us to bring other people along on our resolute yet confusing action?
V. I think he does
B. And, what’s that you say? For those people to also bring along money?
V. Yes, lots of money I think I heard you say God. For freedom.
( silence, drinking noises)
B. We absolutely need to get lots of money
V. Definitely. No confusion at all there
How many anti-vaxxers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
None. They prefer to stay in the dark. They believe the lightbulb is a government conspiracy to monitor them.