I Am Keeping Alan
The horrible dog is staying.
Hi,
I know we're all here for Alan – and in this timeline of seemingly never-ending bad news, I get it.
But first – some really good news: People here in the United States have voted in the midterms, and many of them appear to have risen from their Trump stupor – a stupor that's been floating around since 2014. Better late than never, I guess? Or as someone shared on social media:
"Turns out all the Democrats needed to sweep was 12 straight years of abject hell and plummeting living conditions."
Democrats have taken control of the Senate and the House. They took Texas for the first time in over 30 years: Gina Hinojosa becoming the first Hispanic governor elected in Texas, ever. Greg Abbott looked sad. Recent Texas resident Elon Musk probably had a pretty bad night.
In Michigan, Abdul Ed-Sayed has become the first Muslim US senator, ever. For his entire campaign, he'd endured endless Islamophobia: Trump mocked his name and called him a “jihadist”. JD Vance called him a “psychopath”. During his winning speech last night, he was beaming.
"JD, habibi! There is this delicious irony in that you're constitutionally obligated to swear me in in January. Donald, I know you struggle with my name. So after JD swears me in in January, you can just go on and call me Senator."
In other news, New Zealand's consumer watchdog is now investigating Zuru's nightmare nappies, and the police are investigating Nick Mowbray's vote splitting website. Someone with a sense of humour has taken over the former scam website "partyvote.nz" – which now redirects to the Webworm article about the billionaire Mowbrays. Well played, whoever did that.
I've just voted, by the way. If you're a Kiwi, you should too – even if you're overseas. It's dead easy.
I'd also like to thank any new paid Webworm members who've come on board after last month's SOS (and to any existing paid subscribers who have stayed). Giant thanks to J, who gave a one-off donation that covered almost half of my US court costs with James Sved.
In this graph from October 2025 to November 2026, you can see the overall decline in paying subscribers – but you can also see the wonderful upwards blip that happened when I sent out the SOS.
One of those new paying subscribers is John Romero, the man who designed iconic first person shooters Wolfenstein 3D, Doom and Quake (OG Webworm subscribers from back in 2020 may remember the time I played Doom deathmatch with Romero in Ireland).
I am gobsmacked. Hi, John.
Alright, onto what you really want to know about: Alan.
